


The mismatched Parisian police trio and their coroner friend

by Mademoisellesnowflake



Series: The Musketeers Modern AU in Paris [2]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Aramis and Porthos get a dog, Athos gets badly hurt, Athos has no social skills, Babies, Cuddling, Depression, Family Fluff, Fluff, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, It's rly mostly about Aramis and Porthos, Kissing, Loss, Mentions of miscarriage, Multi, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Porthos is a sweetheart, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shooting, Suicidal Thoughts, Sylvie is an angel, Violence, We finally got to the wedding, We finally see Constance, Weddings, cloud atlas references, sorry if you expected more d'Artagnan, we did it guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2018-11-05 03:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 79,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11005407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mademoisellesnowflake/pseuds/Mademoisellesnowflake
Summary: Athos accidentally adopts three brothers, d'Artagnan somehow gets into a love triangle and Porthos and Aramis try to communicate with each other in their slowly forming relationship.Treville gets a lot of headaches because of his three detectives and their coroner friend.In other words: the modern AU collection of individual stories no one asked for but I wrote anyway.





	1. Athos goes missing

**Author's Note:**

> So, there is more to the modern AU I started with All the forces that kick ass are invisible! I will be posting new stories when I get ideas for them and write them. I'll try to keep them in chronological order but I can't promise anything :"D Anyway, I hope I you like the stories & I would love some feedback and maybe hear what you'd like me to write!

Athos had taken a day off without telling anyone except Treville the reason. When Porthos realised that Athos wasn’t at his desk as usual, he instantly texted Athos to see if he was okay and where he was. When lunch break came and no answer from Athos had come, Porthos drove to the coroner’s office to see if Aramis knew anything about Athos’ sudden disappearance. On the way, he bought Chinese take away food for both himself and Aramis – he knew Aramis loved the shrimp meal the take away restaurant near the coroner’s office served.

“I’m in the middle of an autopsy”, Aramis mumbled when Porthos walked into the office. Aramis’ assistant, Fleur, turned to look at Porthos and waved at him.

“I brought you lunch”, Porthos told and waved the bags containing the meals he had bought. “Sorry, Fleur, I forgot to get anything for you.”

“If there are fortune cookies, you can give one to me as an apology”, Fleur said with a laugh.

“That’s fair”, Porthos said and grinned. “Aramis, do you happen to know where Athos is?”

“Well, unless he’s not in the police headquarters, no I don’t”, Aramis said absentmindedly while examining the corpse’s lungs. “This one had a nasty lung cancer but it didn’t kill him…”

“I’ve never seen lung cancer in nature before”, Fleur said and walked next to Aramis to look. “Wow, that looks really nasty! Was he a chain-smoker or something?”

“Probably”, Aramis said. “And if you look at that liver, you can see that he did drink a lot…”

As soon as the autopsy was over, Aramis washed his hands and accepted the meal Porthos gave him. The duo went to the little office to eat and talk so that they wouldn’t disturb Fleur who was cleaning up after the autopsy.

“So, Athos isn’t at the headquarters?” Aramis asked while opening his meal box and bottle of ice tea.

“No, he hasn’t been there at all today, Porthos said. “I was hoping you knew where he might be…”

“I don’t”, Aramis said, “but I can track down his phone since he has no idea how to turn off his GPS signal.”

Aramis turned to his computer and opened it. As he waited for the slow office computer to start, he began eating his meal. When the computer was finally open enough for Aramis to open the questionable tracking app and write the IP address of Athos’ phone to the search bar and hit enter.

“Athos is in Limay”, Aramis said, “or at least his phone is. He’s on Avenue de la Paix… The area looks fairly nice…”

“Limay?” Porthos asked. “Where is that?”

“It’s west from Paris”, Aramis told. “If I remember correctly, Athos grew up in there…”

“What would he be doing in there?” Porthos asked to himself.

“Maybe he’s visiting his parents or something”, Aramis guessed. “We can just ask him when he comes back.”

“That’s true”, Porthos said. “I better head back soon before Treville will have my head for loitering around in here again…”

“Go then”, Aramis said, “and call me when your shift ends so we can decide what to do with Athos.”

* * *

Around 5 P.M Aramis got a text from Porthos that said that Porthos had left the headquarters and that he would soon arrive to the coroner’s office. Aramis reopened the tracking app on his computer to see that Athos had returned to Paris and was now in a bar near Aramis’ apartment.

“I took d’Artagnan here with me because he was worried too”, Porthos said as he walked in with his younger friend. “Any news on Athos’ whereabouts?”

“He’s back in Paris and he’s in a bar near my apartment”, Aramis told. “By the looks of it, he’s been there for a few hours now… I think we should go pick him up and take him to my flat.”

“That’s a good idea”, d’Artagnan agreed. “Should we get something for us to eat? I mean we’ll probably be watching over him through the night if he’s gotten badly drunk…”

“How about you two go get some food for all of us while I go get Athos to my apartment?” Aramis asked.

“Let’s do so”, Porthos said. “You’ll have no problem taking him to your apartment alone?”

“The only problem there can be will be the state of my apartment.” Aramis laughed. “I haven’t exactly cleaned up much in the past few months…”

Porthos let out a hearty laugh at Aramis’ comment. He patted Aramis’ shoulder and herded d’Artagnan out of the office while Aramis followed the two. Porthos and d’Artagnan got into Porthos’ car while Aramis got into his and drove to his apartment. He then walked to the bar where the tracking app had told Athos was and entered.

It wasn’t very hard to locate Athos in the bar. Aramis could instantly recognise the slumped shape of Athos sitting on a barstool. Aramis walked to Athos and sat on the barstool next to him so he could see his friend a bit better. Athos had red-rimmed eyes and there were obvious tear tracks on his face. He was wearing a black suit and he stared at a photo of an older woman who looked a bit like Athos himself.

“Athos?” Aramis asked. “Is something wrong?”

“Everything is wrong”, Athos muttered with a hoarse voice. “How did you find me?”

“You keep your GPS signal on all the time”, Aramis explained. “It’s very easy to track.”

“I keep it on so you can track me”, Athos said quietly. “I knew I would start drinking again at some point…”

“How about I get you to my apartment?” Aramis asked. “You can sleep off the alcohol and explain what got you here…”

Athos nodded and put the photo he’d been holding into his coat pocket. He then fumbled to pay his bill and let Aramis lead him out of the bar. They then walked the distance of the few blocks that separated the bar and Aramis’ apartment. They got in and Aramis turned on the lights. Athos frowned at the state of the apartment; Aramis hadn’t been lying when he had told he hadn’t cleaned up much.

“Sorry about the mess”, Aramis said, “I’ve been staying a lot at Porthos’ lately… Haven’t really had the energy to clean up while I’ve been at home; my therapist somehow makes me feel so tired after each session…”

“But it’s helping, isn’t it?” Athos asked quietly.

“Yes, it is”, Aramis told with a soft smile while he was leading Athos to sit on his soft sofa. “I wouldn’t be standing here right now without you forcing me there every week; I can’t really thank you enough… Anyway, do you need anything? Water? Food? D’Artagnan and Porthos are out getting some food for all three of us so that we can stay here overnight…”

“Can we just sit?” Athos asked in a strangled voice.

“Of course.” Aramis sat next to Athos and wrapped a blanket over Athos’ shoulders. “Do you want to talk?”

“My mother died”, Athos told quietly, making Aramis gasp even more silently.

“I’m so sorry, Athos”, Aramis whispered. “Were you close?”

“We were before my brother died”, Athos explained. “After Thomas died, I tried to distance myself from my family and all the memories… And I hadn’t seen her much during the past six years and now she’s gone… And today at the funeral I got into a huge fight with my father… I know it’s stupid but it all _hurts_ so much and I thought that if I could get drunk, it’d be a bit easier but I _can’t_ get drunk after all the years of drinking…”

Athos’ voice had begun to tremble and his shoulders shook violently by the end of his explanation. Aramis wrapped his arm around Athos’ shoulders and pulled his friend closer. He could see that Athos was struggling to not cry and it broke his heart so he pulled Athos into an awkward embrace.

“It’s alright, Athos”, Aramis whispered, “It’s alright to cry… It’s not stupid at all to be hurt after all that…”

Athos’ breath hitched and he grabbed a fistful of cloth at the back of Aramis’ jacket. Aramis could feel wetness on his shoulder while Athos trembled next to him on his sofa.

After a few minutes, Aramis heard the door being opened and Porthos quietly complaining about how filthy Aramis’ apartment was. Athos stiffened in Aramis’ embrace but Aramis quietly soothed him and rubbed circles on his back to calm him. He saw Porthos walking to the kitchen while d’Artagnan walked to sit next to Athos on the sofa.

“Is there anything I can help with?” d’Artagnan asked. “We got some pizzas with Porthos and he’s warming them up now.”

“Let’s just stay here”, Aramis whispered. “We can talk some more when the food’s ready.”

On that evening they didn’t really talk much; Athos would explain himself on the following morning. On that evening they only sat close to each other while they ate in silence.


	2. Talking & nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild update appears! This chapter features just Aramis and Porthos but I might be featuring Constance and Treville in the next :D
> 
> Also I think I should probably inform all of you now that I am not French and I've been to Paris only once and that was me and my cousin walking around Paris at night and almost getting lost...

“I feel like she has opened my soul and looked right inside it.”

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon which Aramis and Porthos were spending away at Porthos’ apartment. They both lay on Porthos’ huge bed – Aramis didn’t really understand why Porthos had such a huge bed all for himself – partially on top of each other and talking about anything and everything. They had been quiet for some time before Aramis had spoken again.

“You mean your therapist?” Porthos asked. His voice was a low rumble under Aramis’ ear that was pressed on Porthos’ chest. Oh, Aramis really loved that sound. “That sounds kind of scary…”

“It’s weird”, Aramis told. Porthos was absentmindedly stroking Aramis’ beard while Aramis was staring somewhere far away. “Talking to her every week helps me feel things again and it’s so weird… I’d forgotten how it feels to feel happy until your heart bursts or so angry that you want to scream… It feels so _good_ to feel things again…”

“I can only imagine it would”, Porthos said. “I don’t really have experience with that so I can’t relate very well…”

“And I’m so glad you haven’t experienced any of that”, Aramis breathed and moved to look at Porthos’ eyes. “Seriously, I couldn’t wish this to even my worst enemies. I can’t even understand how I survived…”

“But you did and now you’re on your way to recovery”, Porthos said, still playing with Aramis’ beard. “And if you ever feel like you’re falling back down, I’ll be here to catch you.”

Aramis smiled and closed his eyes so he could return to listening to Porthos’ heartbeat. Everything was so nice and slow and nothing would force them to get up unless they wanted to do so. It was all perfect.

“Hey, do you want to watch a film or something later today?” Porthos asked suddenly. “I remember you’ve been wanting to watch that film Cloud Atlas with me so I kind of bought it since I happened to see a copy of it yesterday.”

Aramis opened his eyes and looked at Porthos’ while grinning. He loved that film more than anything and he’d been pestering Porthos endlessly about wanting to watch the film with him.

“I must warn you; I might be quoting a lot of that film while we watch it”, Aramis said.

“And I’ll love every minute of it”, Porthos said with a chuckle.

They decided to watch the film later while eating dinner. Porthos had promised to make some of that famous risotto of his that had been praised by both Athos and d’Artagnan and Aramis had made a cheesecake in a whim on the previous week so they had to eat it before it went bad.

When they finally started watching the film, Aramis seemed more excited than usual. Porthos loved watching Aramis getting excited about things he himself wouldn’t think of getting excited but then he remembered that Aramis had been numb to all kind of feelings for the past five years and there was the little pain for Aramis in Porthos’ heart.

Porthos was going to do anything so that Aramis wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. The only problem was that Aramis still wasn’t very vocal about his feelings or when he was in need of reassurance. Porthos knew that Aramis was still having nightmares and he always tried to soothe Aramis without waking him up because he knew how much Aramis needed the sleep. The poor man had lived in constant state of insomnia and self-inflicted loss of sleep for the past five years which meant a lot of sleep to catch.

“Hey Porthos?” Aramis asked from where he was basically laying on top of Porthos after the scene where Zachry agreed to guide Meronym. “Do you think rebirth is actually possible?”

“I’ve never really thought about it”, Porthos confessed. “Do you?”

“I’m not really sure”, Aramis said quietly, “but I like the idea that there is some life out there in which I’m not so fucked up…”

“Hey, you’re not fucked up”, Porthos reassured and held Aramis a bit tighter. “You’re you and you’re great as you. You might have been broken but remember that being broken and being fucked up are two completely different things.”

“Thanks”, Aramis said with a sad smile on his face. “But then again, we might not meet again if we’re reborn and that thought is somehow so sad…”

“Yea, I think this life is just good for us”, Porthos said. “It’s better to face life together with someone you trust.”

“Yes”, Aramis agreed. “It is…”

* * *

Porthos suddenly awoke at night. First, he couldn’t understand what had woken him but then he heard quiet Spanish being spoken from right next to him on his bed.

Aramis.

Porthos immediately turned to look at Aramis who was clearly having another nightmare. Porthos gently tugged Aramis, who was still sleeping, to an awkward hug and started whispering to Aramis in hopes of calming him down.

“ _Porthos, no_ ”, Aramis suddenly whispered, as if he was close to tears. “ _Por favor, no!_ ”

“Aramis, it’s alright, I’m right here”, Porthos said. Suddenly Aramis’ eyes flew open and he looked at Porthos in terror. Porthos felt Aramis’ hand slowly going through Porthos’ hair and soon Aramis’ gaze softened a bit and tears gathered in Aramis’ eyes.

“You’re alive”, Aramis whispered. “Oh, thank God… It was just a dream…”

Porthos pulled Aramis into a tighter hug and let Aramis hide his face on Porthos’ shoulder. He sighed and rubbed circles on Aramis’ back as the latter began trembling slightly.

“Do you want to talk about the dream?” Porthos asked quietly.

“It was like Sixsmith”, Aramis whispered. “You were shot like Sixsmith… And I could only watch and do nothing while someone _shot_ you!”

“Shh, I’m not dead”, Porthos whispered. “I’m very much alive and you will never have to see me die, I promise.”

Aramis gulped and hugged Porthos. For some time, they just lay there and did nothing.

“I thought of shooting myself”, Aramis suddenly blurted out, “on the day I shot Marsac. I had Athos’ gun in my hands and knew that I could have ended it all…”

Porthos’ heart almost stopped when he heard the information. He absolutely dreaded knowing how close he had gotten to losing Aramis.

“But you didn’t”, Porthos whispered. “You didn’t and you’re recovering from everything that happened to you and it’ll be messy as hell sometimes but you will get through it. I’ll be there holding you through it all the time if you need me. Just promise me that you will tell me when you need me so I can be there for you.”

“I need you”, Aramis whispered into Porthos’ shirt. “I need you to get me through this…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'd love feedback from you and maybe ideas to how to continue this because I have an idea to only one more chapter....


	3. The baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to include Aramis and Anne's kid in the story but I didn't want it to be a boy so... this disgustingly sweet thing happened. This chapter contains mentions of domestic abuse, which I hope will not trigger anyone.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

Porthos and Athos were spending the warm but wet Thursday evening at Aramis’ house and catching up everything that was going on between them. They all had a long weekend ahead of them while poor d’Artagnan had to work after he’d solved the murder case that had taken place in Belleville. (Technically Aramis’ autopsy and the tests he’d run on the corpse had been vital but he wouldn’t be needed until Monday when the trial for the murderer was supposed to take place.) Athos and Porthos were drinking some wine while Aramis had Coca-Cola. He wasn’t really keen on drinking alcohol while still testing out his new medication and he knew that the sugar in his drink was more than enough to make him blabber like he was drunk.

“Should we get some food?” Athos asked suddenly. “You told me you have some cake in your fridge but I don’t think we should eat only cake today… Wasn’t there a good pizzeria nearby? We could order some pizza if you’d like…”

“I’d love some pizza”, Aramis agreed. “I haven’t had any lately…”

“We can order the pizzas via internet, right?” Porthos asked. “It looks like it’s gonna rain again soon and I’d like to stay dry tonight…”

“Yes, I’d love to stay dry –”

Athos’ sentence was interrupted by Aramis’ phone ringing. The trio exchanged worried looks; no one really called Aramis unless there was an emergency. For a moment, they all feared something had happened to either d’Artagnan or Aramis’ sisters…

“Aramis here”, Aramis said as the line opened.

“Aramis?” a scared voice said from the other end of the line. “Aramis, are you home? I need a place to stay and I can’t go home…”

“Anne?” Aramis asked when he finally recognised the voice. “Sure, come over. Did your husband hit you again?”

“I… I’ll explain when I get there”, Anne said quietly. “There was a convenience store near your apartment, right? I’ll need to drop by it before I come to your place…”

“Yes”, Aramis answered. “How soon will you be here?”

“In about twenty minutes”, Anne said. “Is there anyone else home besides you?”

“Athos and Porthos are here”, Aramis told. “They’re my friends so you can trust them.”

“Good. See you soon, Aramis. Thank you.”

The call ended and Aramis put the phone down and almost crashed down on the sofa. Athos and Porthos exchanged looks again and raised their eyebrows.

“Who was it?” Porthos asked.

“Anne Bourbon”, Aramis said. “The wife of Louis Bourbon whom Marsac almost shot… She sounded so scared…”

“Are you telling me that Louis Bourbon hits his wife?” Athos asked with disgust in his voice. “That man was more rotten than I could ever have imagined…”

“He does”, Aramis told quietly. “Anne has been here before when Louis has thrown really bad fits; she’s coming over now… She sounded more frightened and out of breath than usual… I better go make the guest bed for her, she’ll need some sleep.”

“We can open the door for her”, Porthos said. “She can explain everything when she’s safely here.”

“Thanks”, Aramis whispered. “She’ll be here soon…”

Aramis almost ran off to the guest room. He made the bed with the spare bed sheets he had started keeping in the guest room in case Anne would come over when Louis threw another fit. Aramis had been telling Anne that she should dump Louis but she had insisted she needed to stay with him a bit longer. Louis had never had any idea that it had been Aramis she went to; he had always suspected Constance of hiding Anne but he had had no proof.

Soon the doorbell rang and Aramis’ heart jumped into his throat. He heard the door being opened and Porthos talking to Anne in a calming voice. He also heard the word “child” but didn’t think much of it.

He should have.

“Anne, thank God, you’re alright!” Aramis said when he got to the hallway. His eyes turned to the little being Anne was carrying in a baby carrier. “Wait a minute, Anne, is that a _baby_?”

“Yes”, Anne whispered. “This is my daughter. Now, could I get inside? Aramis, can you put this bag in the bathroom? There are some diapers for her and other essentials. And, could I borrow a kettle? I need to boil her pacifier before she can have it…”

“Sure”, Aramis said. “Athos, could you – umm – take the baby carrier so Anne can take off that coat and those shoes? I, uh, I’ll be back soon.”

Aramis hurried to the bathroom to leave the bag there. He then rushed to the kitchen to get a kettle and fill it with water so Anne could boil the pacifier…

“Breathe, Aramis”, Porthos’ strong voice told from behind Aramis. Aramis lowered the kettle on the stove when he felt Porthos’ hand on his chest right over his heart. “Follow my breathing, Aramis. Breathe in… and then out…”

It took Aramis a few tries but eventually he managed to calm his breathing. When he finally managed to see around himself, he realised Porthos was holding him to his own chest so that he wouldn’t fall over.

“You alright now?” Porthos asked, to which Aramis only nodded. He still needed to make sure Anne was alright.

As if on cue, Anne walked to the kitchen and almost ran to hug Aramis. Aramis was still awkwardly propped up against Porthos and so when Anne and Aramis hugged, Porthos decided to join the hug.

“I’ll divorce Louis”, Anne whispered. “I’ll get rid of him once and for all.”

“Why did it take so long for you to decide that?” Aramis asked. “You could have died or been badly injured!”

“I needed a plan”, Anne explained. “And only now I had one…”

“Could someone explain me and Athos what exactly is going on?” Porthos asked.

“I will explain everything soon”, Anne said. “Just let me boil the pacifier and catch my breath.”

“Of course”, Porthos said with a smile. “Come on, Aramis. There is a baby to look after.”

Aramis nodded and followed Porthos to the living room where Athos had propped the baby carrier on the floor and was sitting next to it, making faces at the baby. Aramis sat next to Athos and looked at the baby. She had dark brown eyes and it looked like her hair would be dark brown as well. For some reason, she looked a bit like his older sister Sofia had looked as a baby. Even the shape of her eyes was similar.

“She looks a bit like you”, Athos remarked.

“I think she looks like my sister Sofia”, Aramis whispered fondly. The baby was playing with his finger and suddenly she grabbed it and tried to bite it. “Yes. She’s definitely just like Sofia… My father used to tell me she always did the same to him.”

“What a little angel”, Porthos said and grinned at the baby who started squealing happily.

“She likes you three”, Anne said and looked at them with a fond smile from the kitchen door. “When Louis came to see me and her at the hospital yesterday, she almost screeched at him…”

“Wow, you don’t like your father that much, do you?” Porthos asked from the baby.

“She’s not Louis’ child”, Anne told suddenly. “We haven’t been trying since my miscarriage few years ago…”

“Then whose…?” Aramis began but suddenly stopped and covered his mouth. “Oh _hells_!”

“Care to share the secret with us too?” Athos asked with raised eyebrows.

“The child is Aramis’ child”, Anne said quietly as she sat on the sofa. “One night I had come here to escape another one of Louis’ fits and Aramis had just come home from a funeral and we both were very drunk… Aramis has always been very careful about my boundaries and everything but that night we weren’t really thinking… And I wanted to keep her because I always _wanted_ to have a child…”

“What are you going to do then?” Aramis asked. “Obviously, you can’t go back to Louis…”

“I’ll go to live with my brother until I can find a new home for myself and her”, Anne said. “I’m on maternity leave from work but I have a nice amount of money saved up since when I lived with Louis, we only ever used his money.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Athos asked. “I’m disgustingly rich; I can try to help with money if you need it.”

“No, my money situation is good”, Anne said. “I will need some help with her when my maternity leave ends; I don’t want to put her in a kindergarten yet…”

“I can try to help”, Aramis said and went to sit next to Anne. “I mean, if I’m really her father, I should take care of her as much as you do… And I kind of would like to spend time with her when she grows up… If that is okay with you…”

“Of course, it is okay with me, you foolish little romantic”, Anne said and hugged Aramis. “You’re her father; I’m sure she’d want to know you as well.”

“Please be careful with him”, Porthos said to the baby. “Your dad is recovering from some very traumatizing experiences and it might take time for him to be completely alright…”

“Have you decided on a name for her yet?” Athos asked. “Also, I think it’s possible for Aramis to be her legal father somehow, I’ve just forgotten how it was supposed to be done…”

“I haven’t thought of any names yet”, Anne said. “I’ve just been so focused on getting away from Louis…”

“She looks a lot like a Lucia”, Aramis said. “Or maybe Luz…”

Aramis knelt next to the baby carrier and lifted the baby in his arms. He then sat back on the sofa, right next to Anne while still looking at the baby like she was the eighth miracle of the world.

“She does look a bit like a Lucia”, Anne said.

“Lucia it is, then”, Aramis said with a fond smile. “Hello there, Lucia, I’m your father. You see that big man over there? That’s Porthos and he’s someone your father loves very much. And that shorter man next to him is Athos who will be one of your many uncles…”

“You’re blushing again”, Porthos laughed. Aramis blushed even harder and tried to hide his face behind Lucia’s tiny body. Lucia cooed happily and grabbed a fistful of Aramis’ hair.

“Ow”, Aramis said. “Lucia that hurts… Could you let go?”

Porthos had sat next to Aramis and so he slowly opened Lucia’s little fist so that she would let go of Aramis’ hair. He then proceeded to kiss Aramis’s cheek, making Aramis blush again and Anne chuckle. (“Lovebirds”, Athos scoffed.) He then lifted Lucia to his own arms so that Aramis and Anne could see her face.

“Hey there, Lucia”, Porthos said and let Lucia grab his finger. “I’m Porthos and I’ll be your step-father if you allow it. Your family will probably be a bit mismatched and you’ll probably have a lot of uncles but I hope that’ll be fine with you.”

Aramis was looking at the two with a fond smile. It was like he was feeling all the love in the world and that if he felt any more love, he would burst from it. He had to blink a few times so that he wouldn’t start crying.

“Is everything okay?” Porthos asked.

“I’m so happy I might burst”, Aramis whispered. He felt a hand on his shoulder and sniffled. “And I was thinking of the child I almost had when I was seventeen…”

“Now _that_ is a story I want to hear”, Athos said from one of the armchairs Aramis had in his living room. “But you can tell it later. I, for one, would still like some food. Is that nearby pizzeria still open?”

Aramis laughed softly as he stood up to look for his laptop so they could order some pizzas.

Everything would be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? :D I named the kid Lucia because I imagine she'd bring a lot of light to Aramis' life by just existing...


	4. The Marsac incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote the Marsac incident. Warnings for shooting, suicidal thoughts and minor character death.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this despite the darkness

The day that Aramis would later dub as “the Marsac incident” started very peacefully. He had received an invitation to a political event from Louis Bourbon who had been his boss when he’d still worked in the private security company while trying to get his medical degree. (Well, technically the invitation had come from Anne, Louis wife, rather than from Louis himself. Louis probably didn’t even remember the sole survivor of the massacre his employees had faced in Savoy. Anne, on the other hand, had always been very fond of Aramis.) Aramis had taken a day off from his work as a coroner to attend the event and had been surprised to see his three detective friends in the event as well.

“What are you doing here?” Aramis asked as soon as he’d managed to get through the sea of people to greet his friends.

“Louis Bourbon is under suspicion of indirectly killing twenty men that worked for his private security company about five years ago”, Porthos explained. “We’re here to listen to the speech he will give and later we will question him and possibly bring him to the police headquarters. He has already agreed to being questioned.”

“Do you mean the massacre at Savoy?” Aramis asked, trying to make his tone light. “I worked in his company while I was in university which was around the time of the massacre so I know a bit about it. I can give a statement if you need one.”

“Thanks”, Athos said. “Anyway, what are _you_ doing here? Don’t tell me you’re planning to vote for him?”

“Voting a man who visibly thinks women belong in the kitchen?” Aramis asked in mock horror. “Never in my life! I was invited here by his wife; I think she remembers me from the time I worked in Louis’ company…”

“Why did you stop working in his company anyway?” d’Artagnan asked.

“Oh, I had just graduated from medical school and was looking for a job in a hospital”, Aramis explained. “Then I was in a bad… accident and I was hospitalized for months and I had to quit my job. I then decided to become a coroner because a lot of people had been in that accident and there had been blood anywhere and the sight had been a bit too much for me. I didn’t want to be the cause a possibly lethal mistake in a hospital because I couldn’t stand the sight of blood and here I am.”

“Oh no”, d’Artagnan said. “I’m really sorry for that… But I’m happy you became a coroner so that we got to know each other.”

“Speak for yourself, kiddo”, Porthos said with a laugh. “You haven’t heard Aramis joking to a dead body yet, have you? That’s scary to hear, especially on a dark and cold winter night.”

Aramis laughed at Porthos’ comment. Truth to be told, he kept joking at the bodies because he and his assistant, Fleur Baudin, had a bet and at the moment Aramis was winning the bet.

“Aramis, how nice to see you here”, a sweet voice said from behind Aramis. Aramis turned around to face no one else but Anne Bourbon herself. She was wearing a smart-looking pastel green skirt and a matching jacket and pair of heels. She also had an amber necklace that Aramis recognised as the same he had once called beautiful while he had still been working in Louis’ company.

“It was an honour to receive your invitation”, Aramis told with the most flashing smile he could conjure at that moment. Anne blushed slightly and then turned to Athos.

“It’s nice to see you here as well, Monsieur de la Fére”, she said. “I don’t think we have seen each other since that dreadful incident with Madame de la Fére. I hope you are doing well.”

“I’m doing quite fine, thank you”, Athos said. “And congratulations on your pregnancy. I heard from my mother.”

“Thank you”, Anne said and flashed a sincere smile at the four. Aramis raised his eyebrows; he hadn’t known about Anne’s pregnancy and it clearly wasn’t showing yet. “I hope it doesn’t end in a miscarriage like the last one.”

_Louis had better to keep his hands off you_ , Aramis thought. _We all know his beating caused the miscarriage in the first place…_

“I will pray for a safe pregnancy”, Aramis told and smiled again. _And that you will finally leave that bag of dirt behind_ , he thought.

“You’re so sweet”, Anne said. “I feel protected with your prayers. Now, Louis is about to start his speech so I’ll have to go to the stage. See you later.”

Aramis smiled and waved at Anne as she hurried to Louis’ side on the stage. He then sighed and leaned on the wall behind him. Louis was one of his least favourite people but he had to listen to the speech now that he was already present.

At some point, Aramis saw weird kind of movement in the crowd. It looked like someone was forcing their way towards the stage. Aramis frowned and started looking for the source of the movement. Something in it was making him terribly uneasy.

Suddenly there was the sound of a gun being fired. Aramis ducked automatically and then looked up, only to see Marsac standing in the middle of the big room. He had a gun trained at Louis who had frozen on his tracks.

Aramis saw that Athos had stood up and taken out his gun. Aramis instincts kicked in and he snatched the gun from Athos’ hands and ran a bit closer to the stage so that he had a clear sight of Marsac who had started to scream at Louis about killing the twenty men at Savoy. Aramis raised the gun and aimed it at Marsac.

“ _Marsac_!” Aramis shouted as loud as he could. Marsac turned his head and smiled as he recognised Aramis. As Marsac smiled, Aramis fired the gun he was holding just once, hitting Marsac’s forehead and cleanly killing the man.

Then all hell broke loose.

People began screaming and running to the exit to get out. Aramis sunk to his knees while still holding Athos’ gun in his hands. He knew that the gun was loaded and that since he had fired only one shot, he could easily kill himself with it.

He just needed to open his mouth and shoot through the roof of his mouth…

Aramis inhaled and opened his mouth. He tried to lift the gun so that he could shoot but suddenly something was blocking his hands from moving any more. He looked to his left and saw Athos holding his arms down and gently trying to get the gun from his hands. Athos shook his head when he met Aramis’ eyes as if to say that Aramis shouldn’t even think of shooting himself.

“What the hell, Aramis?” Porthos asked after having run to Aramis as well. “What – who was that man?”

Aramis had begun to tremble and soon his friends noticed that he was hyperventilating. Athos took Aramis’ hand in his and squeezed. Aramis looked at Athos with the most desperate look in his eyes that Athos had ever seen.

“Aramis, breathe”, Athos commanded with a strong tone. “You have to breathe or you’ll pass out.”

Eventually Aramis managed to even out his breathing with Athos guiding him. When he had finally calmed his breathing, he looked up straight into Athos’ eyes.

“I think I might throw up”, Aramis said with a weak voice.

Athos and Porthos exchanged quick looks and hauled Aramis up. They walked him to the nearest men’s restroom just in time for him to throw up his breakfast and midday snack. Porthos was holding his thin form so that he wouldn’t fall over while heaving. It only occurred to Porthos how thin Aramis actually was while the man was heaving. Porthos really needed to make Aramis eat more.

When Aramis was done, Porthos flushed the toilet and gently led him out of the restroom. He helped Aramis to sit down on the floor and handed him a bottle of water.

“Did you know him?” Porthos asked quietly. Aramis’ eyes shifted to look at Marsac’s body that was being covered by policemen. He nodded and tried to swallow the lump that growing in his throat. To think that he’d just shot the man he had once loved…

“I called Treville”, said d’Artagnan who had just walked to the two. “He says we should bring Aramis to the headquarters for questioning.”

“Am I in trouble?” Aramis whispered softly. He had technically just murdered a man…

“No”, d’Artagnan said and smiled at Aramis sadly. “Treville just wants your account of everything that happened. As far as anyone is concerned, you just saved Louis Bourbon from being murdered in cold blood…”

Aramis sighed in relief as Porthos helped him back on his feet. They walked to Porthos’ car and then drove to the police headquarters. Treville was there waiting for the two and then he and Athos escorted him to a room where they would question Aramis. Aramis sat in one side of the lonely table while Athos and Treville sat in the other.

“Hello, René”, Treville said. “I’m sorry we have to meet again in circumstances like this.”

“Aramis”, Aramis whispered. “Everyone calls me Aramis. And I don’t remember ever meeting you…”

“Of course”, Treville said. “I’m Treville, the police captain in this part of Paris. You’re the coroner who has been performing most of the autopsies in our murder cases, correct?”

“Yes”, Aramis said. “For the past four and half years, yes.”

“I see”, Treville said. “Can you explain what happened at Louis Bourbon’s event?”

“I had been invited there by Madame Bourbon”, Aramis told. “I had worked in Louis Bourbon’s private security company and she knew me well and was hoping to see me there… I was standing with Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan while Louis began his speech. Some minutes into the speech I noticed weird movement in the crowd and kept my eyes on it… Suddenly there was a gunshot and everyone ducked… When I looked up, I saw Marsac who I had worked with while I was still working in Louis Bourbon’s company… He was aiming his gun at Louis Bourbon and I saw Athos taking out his… For some reason, I took Athos’ gun and got Marsac’s attention to myself and then…”

“He shot this Marsac”, Athos told.

“Isn’t this Marsac the same person who went missing after the massacre in Savoy county?” Treville asked absentmindedly. “If I remember correctly, he dragged you out of the line of enemy fire…”

Aramis had begun shaking uncontrollably. Athos looked first at Aramis, then at Treville and then again at Aramis. Treville seemed to realise what he had said and sighed.

“Athos, could you take Aramis home?” he asked quietly. “Actually, it would be good if someone could stay with him since the events of this day might have traumatised him.”

Athos nodded and went to help Aramis up. He then led Aramis out of the tiny room and kept his attention fully on Aramis in case he would suddenly collapse. They walked to Athos’ car and Athos drove them to his apartment. When Athos opened the door to his apartment, his cat Tommy was sitting in the hallway. He meowed at Athos and Athos smiled sadly.

“Hey there, Tommy”, Aramis whispered. “Good to see you.”

Athos let Aramis into the apartment and told his friend to make himself home. Athos took off his shoes and coat and went to the kitchen while Aramis went to Athos’ living room and crashed into one of the huge and comfortable armchairs Athos had inherited from his grandmother. Tommy jumped instantly on Aramis’ lap and Aramis began stroking his fur absentmindedly.

“I’ve texted Porthos and d’Artagnan”, Athos said from the kitchen. “They will come over as soon as they can.”

“Why did you take me here?” Aramis asked.

“I don’t want to leave you alone today after all that happened”, Athos told. “Whatever those things Treville said meant, they upset you.”

“You’re not going to make me tell you what he meant?” Aramis asked quietly.

“No, unless you want to tell me”, Athos said.

Aramis sighed in relief. Tommy headbutted his chest to make him pet him again. Aramis smiled weakly and continued stroking the cat’s fur. Maybe he was going to be fine after all.

(He, of course, didn’t know that his issues would get so bad that he would try to kill himself but that is another story entirely.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what are your thoughts? What should I write next?


	5. The family visits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Aramis' family visits in this chapter. We'll meet a few new characters and there will be lot of fluff in here. There will be mentions of suicide attempt

“Hey Porthos?” Aramis asked one day when he and Porthos were eating lunch at the morgue. Porthos had bought pizzas to Aramis, himself and Fleur and they were all stuffed in Aramis’ tiny office and eating their lunch happily while a skull stared down at them from Aramis’ desk.

“Yes?” Porthos answered with his mouth still full of the delicious pizza with mozzarella, tomato and pesto on it.

“My sister called yesterday”, Aramis said, “and I told her about Lucia. She insisted that she wants to come see her with my family. I was wondering if you’d want to come over next weekend when they’re coming because I don’t think I can handle my two sisters breathing down at my neck, especially since I haven’t really seen my family in five years…”

“Sure”, Porthos said. “I’ve been wanting to see your family for some time now. Is Anne going to be there as well?”

“Yes, she will”, Aramis said. “She’ll want to know Lucia’s only living grandparents. And I kind of want to introduce you to them as well…”

Porthos grinned at Aramis while a blush crept to Aramis’ face. Aramis hadn’t voiced his wish for some emotional support after not really seeing his family for five years because he felt so stupid for having avoided his family. He had first begun avoiding his family after having spent his first Christmas after Savoy with them and had a massive panic attack when his father had accidentally cut his finger outside the house when the snow had just fallen. Later he had begun having suicidal thoughts and he had thought that if he didn’t see his family, they’d miss him less when he’d end up killing himself.

“So, Lucia is your daughter, isn’t she?” Fleur asked. “Do you have photos of her?”

“Yes, she is”, Aramis said with a fond smile while opening the photo gallery of his phone. “She is a little bundle of joy and funny noises. Look how cute she is!”

Aramis showed Fleur a photo where Lucia was laying on top of Aramis’ huge bed and smiling the sunniest and happiest smile a child could ever smile. (Or so Aramis thought said to everyone.) Fleur smiled at the photo and giggled.

“She looks a lot like you”, she said. “Your eyes are the same shape and colour. And that smile is just like yours…”

“I think she looks a lot like my sister Sofia”, Aramis told. “She even tries to bite everyone’s fingers off, just like Sofia…”

“She’s a little angel”, Porthos said. “Don’t believe anything else that is said about her, Fleur.”

“Oh, I won’t”, Fleur said and giggled. “Anyone who can make Aramis this happy must be an angel. He hasn’t been this happy during my time here.”

“Is Porthos an angel too?” Aramis asked.

“He sure is!” Fleur laughed. “Anyone who brings me free food gets the title of an angel immediately and anyone who brings me food and makes my boss happy must be a high angel.”

“Oh, stop that”, Porthos laughed and swatted Aramis’ head playfully. “I must get going now or Athos will have my head for lazing around again while investigating.”

“I’ll send you the autopsy details via e-mail!” Aramis told while Porthos left the morgue. He was so relieved to have Porthos with him on the coming weekend.

* * *

Aramis was pacing. His family was supposed to arrive at any minute now and his nerves were already a wreck. Anne was sitting in the living room with Porthos and Lucia while Aramis just could. Not. Stop. Pacing. His mind went over endless possibilities about how the visit could be a catastrophe. Maybe his family was really angry at him for not communicating with them for five years or maybe they would hate Porthos. (Aramis had no idea why they would, though; Porthos was the kindest and bravest person he knew.) Maybe his family would see his mental illness as a burden and disown him on the spot. Maybe they would have nothing to talk about, maybe they didn’t even remember who Aramis really was…

The doorbell rang.

Aramis took a deep breath and opened the door. The first thing he saw was his oldest sister Sofia who practically ran into him and hugged him with such force that he felt like something that had been broken inside him was put back together. After recovering from the impact called Sofia, he saw his other sister, Mercedes, and their parents who seemed to have aged decades during the time they had not seen each other.

“Hello there, René”, Mercedes said. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Hi”, Aramis managed to say quietly. He felt a lump growing in his throat and tried to will it away. He wouldn’t break down in front of his family all over again.

“You absolute moron!” Sofia muttered. “I’ve missed you so much and you rarely even answer my calls.”

“I’m sorry”, Aramis said as Sofia finally let go of him and the rest of their family could get into his apartment. “I’ve been… busy?”

“Don’t tell me you have been overworking yourself”, their mother said with a worried look in her eyes.

“I kind of did at one point”, Aramis said and blushed. “But my friends made me lessen my workload after a certain incident… So, I guess I’ll be having more time…”

“We can finally see each other more often?” Sofia suggested. “I actually moved to Paris last year so I’ve been trying to see you but you always evade me…”

“I think we could try”, Aramis said hopefully. “But I think I’d like to introduce you to my daughter first. And, uh, there are others here too…”

“And I want to meet everyone here”, Aramis’ father said. His smile was so kind that Aramis felt for a moment that he was eighteen again and he had been crying for hours after Isabelle had lost their baby and told Aramis to leave her alone forever. His heart ached a bit for the memory; his father had helped him the most with his grief. “It has really been ages and I want to know how my son lives now.”

Aramis nodded, not really trusting his voice. He led his family to the living room where Anne and Porthos were looking after Lucia who had decided that Anne’s pendant was something she _had to_ catch. As soon as Porthos saw the people entering the living room, he stood up and smiled.

“This is Porthos, my… boyfriend”, Aramis said and blushed, ducking his head for a moment. “And there are Anne and on her lap is Lucia.”

“It’s great to meet you, Porthos”, Aramis’ mother said. “I’m Diana, René’s mother and these here are my daughters Sofia and Mercedes and my husband Oscar. Now, Anne, could I see my granddaughter a bit closer?”

When Aramis’ family gathered around Anne and little Lucia, Porthos walked over to Aramis and ruffled his hair. He then put his arm around Aramis’ shoulder and grinned.

“I think that went well”, he said.

“It did”, Aramis agreed. “I’m kind of excited… I’ve never introduced you as my boyfriend before.”

Porthos laughed and ruffled Aramis’ hair again. He patted Aramis’ back before walking over to Anne and joining the conversation. Aramis used that moment to slip quietly into the kitchen and catch his breath. Everything was going much better than he had thought. Everyone seemed to like Porthos, Anne and Lucia and Aramis could prepare some food undisturbed. Everything was fine.

“I brought some wine as a souvenir.”

Aramis turned to face his father so fast that he almost snapped his neck. He hadn’t heard Oscar approaching at all and had been startled by the sudden voice behind him.

“Porthos will love it”, Aramis said quietly when Oscar showed him the bottle. “You can… You can leave it on the counter.”

“You don’t drink?” Oscar asked and put the bottle on the counter.

“Not really”, Aramis told. “I don’t want to mess up my medication…”

“You have medication?” Oscar asked. His tone was so kind that Aramis felt a bit weird. “What for?”

Aramis gulped. “Depression. And post-traumatic stress…”

“Oh, my dear boy”, Oscar sighed and hugged Aramis. Aramis stiffened at the sudden touch; he couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged by his father.

(It had probably been during his panic attack during that one Christmas evening but he couldn’t really remember it. The first thing he remembered after his panic attack was driving home at night and feeling embarrassed about his sudden outburst.)

“Are you any better now?” Oscar asked. “Last time we saw each other you were everything but fine.”

“I actually wasn’t feeling that good during this past few months”, Aramis explained while gathering the ingredients for the risotto and began to chop the garlic. “Actually, that is an understatement. I… I literally was so down that I tried to kill myself. If Porthos hadn’t stopped me, I wouldn’t be here now…”

Aramis closed his eyes and inhaled. His father would get mad at him now, now that he had told him how badly he had been coping. Honestly, Aramis wouldn’t be surprised at all if his parents would want to sever all ties between them; Aramis felt like he had been very ungrateful for just almost throwing away the precious life his parents had given him.

So when Aramis felt that his father was hugging him again, he didn’t really understand what was going on. Wasn’t his father disappointed in him after all?

“We feared this”, Oscar whispered. “Your mother and I feared this so much… You’ve never been good at talking about your feelings and we were so afraid that that horrible incident in Savoy had made you want to harm yourself… Oh, thank God that sweet man saved you, I don’t know what I’d done if you had died…”

Aramis shuddered. Had his father really just forgiven him even though he very selfishly had tried to kill himself? Aramis clung to his father’s shirt as the lump in his throat reappeared.

“You’re not angry?” Aramis asked in a small voice. “Not disappointed in me?”

“No, my dear boy”, Oscar whispered. “I’m very sad that you had to go through that all alone. If I had known, I’d have come here immediately so that I could have helped you…”

Aramis shuddered again and blinked his eyes. He tried to swallow down the lump that kept growing in his throat and tried to wrap his mind around what his father had just said.

“Stop hogging Aramis all to yourself, dad!” Sofia’s voice huffed angrily. “I want to talk to him too, alone, if I may.”

“But you have at least talked to him over the phone”, Oscar protested. “I haven’t even had that.”

“Now, shoo!” Sofia said. “You’ll get to talk to him later.”

Oscar chuckled and left the kitchen, leaving Aramis and Sofia alone. Sofia took a chair from the dining area and sat near to Aramis while he continued preparing the meal.

“I heard what you told dad”, Sofia said. “You don’t have to tell it again. I just want to know if you’re alright now.”

“I’m honestly not sure”, Aramis told and sighed. “I almost had a panic attack twice before you even got here… I will be okay sometime in the future but as for now, I have no idea…”

“But you’ve survived this far”, Sofia said while awkwardly patting Aramis’ arm. “And I can try to help with whatever I can…”

“Thanks”, Aramis whispered and suddenly laughed hollowly. “I can’t really believe the amount of support I’m suddenly getting from everyone…”

Sofia stood up and hugged Aramis. It was the third time he had been hugged by a family member in about half an hour. Before that he couldn’t remember when he had hugged any of his family members. Maybe after he had been released from hospital after Savoy? Or maybe on that Christmas evening? His memories were so foggy…

“You little idiot”, Sofia huffed. “You just concentrate on getting better and spending time with Lucia.”

“Um… Sofia?” Aramis asked. “We will be eating very charred risotto soon if you don’t let me go…”

Sofia yelped and released Aramis from the hug. Aramis laughed and began stirring the risotto again. It felt so nice to just have Sofia sit near him while he prepared the food.

He absentmindedly rolled up his sleeves and it wasn’t before Sofia’s sharp inhale that he realised his mistake.

“Please don’t tell me you did those yourself”, Sofia said and pointed at the cut scars on Aramis’ arms.

“I can’t say I didn’t”, Aramis whispered. “As you heard, I was everything but okay…”

“That doesn’t make hurting _yourself_ okay!” Sofia hissed. Aramis couldn’t remember seeing her that angry after her date had stood her up on New Year’s Eve when she had been 22.

“Am I interrupting?” Mercedes asked. “I was wondering if I could help with anything…”

“You could make some salad?” Aramis asked hopefully. “There’s some salad and tomatoes in the fridge, maybe even some cucumbers… I’ll get you a bowl where you can put the salad…”

“Sounds good”, Mercedes said. Her voice was the most calming thing Aramis had ever heard and his erratic breathing was starting to settle by just hearing Mercedes talk.

“So, your boyfriend then?” Mercedes asked suddenly. Aramis felt his face heating up and he tried to hide behind his hair.

“Yes”, he mumbled. He couldn’t help the proud grin on his face. “He’s quite amazing…”

“I bet he is”, Sofia said. “Even Isabelle couldn’t make you blush like that.”

Aramis laughed nervously. He couldn’t really remember feeling being so much in love with someone as he felt he was with Porthos.

“I don’t think anyone has made you blush like that either, Sofia”, Mercedes remarked. Sofia laughed and even Aramis chuckled.

“I think we’ll be ready to eat soon”, Aramis said. “Sofia, could you set out the dishes?”

Sofia nodded and with Aramis’ instructions, she found the dishes quite fast and managed to set them out on the table. She then uncorked the bottle of wine their father had given to Aramis and filled a pitcher with water and set both the wine and the pitcher on the table. Aramis looked at the people in the living room and couldn’t help but smile at the sight. His mother was deep in a discussion with Porthos while his father and Anne were playing peek-a-boo with Lucia.

“I think the lunch is ready”, Aramis said quietly. Porthos looked up at him and smiled.

“Great, let’s eat”, Porthos said. Anne placed Lucia in the baby carrier and carried her nearer to the dining area.

The lunch went on happily and there was a nice chatter going on throughout the whole thing. Aramis then took out the cake he had baked on impulse when his stress had gone too high and decided to serve it as dessert.

Everything was well. Everything was so perfectly, damnably well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? :D Ideas for new chapters are still welcome while I think of those ideas you've already given me


	6. A hostage situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea was given by the lovely Lady_Neve who has been faithfully commenting on every chapter and given me the will to write more and more of this story :D Thank you and I hope you all enjoy this!
> 
> Also we'll finally see Constance!

Aramis was angry.

Well, actually it was an understatement to say that Aramis was angry. There had been an incident at Le Jardin du Luxembourg involving a desperate gunman who had wounded Porthos, who had landed to a nearby hospital. The gunman had then dragged Athos, who had tried to confront the gunman, to a nearby McDonald’s and held all the people there as hostages. Captain Treville had been negotiating with the gunman to release the hostages while police officers were looking for a way inside. D’Artagnan was keeping Aramis informed since the situation didn’t seem to be unfolding at all.

Aramis was fuming with rage. Someone had hurt Porthos, _his Porthos_ , and had all the intention to hurt other people.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Aramis asked. D’Artagnan sighed and leaned over the patrol car.

“You’re not a police officer so you can’t help us if we need to storm that place”, d’Artagnan said. “But you have medical training. In case we have to storm the place unexpectedly, we will need your training because the hostages might be hurt. Will you be able to do that?”

“I can try”, Aramis said quietly. “If Athos is hurt, he will be my priority but I’ll try to help everyone I can.”

“You can leave Athos to me”, d’Artagnan said. “He’ll tell you to look after everyone else before he’ll let you close to him. You know he is like that.”

“What a self-sacrificing idiot”, Aramis muttered and smiled. “That’s probably why we four go together so well… We all want to help others and leave our own feelings and problems unattended… which is why we always look after those who are hurt the worst…”

“That’s kind of a stupid way to live”, d’Artagnan said. “But I guess we know no other way so it’s heart-warming that I have people like you around.”

Aramis’ phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket and saw that it was Constance who was calling him. He answered and was met with Constance’s worried voice.

“What is happening in there?” Constance asked. “No one tells me anything that’s going on and Jacques is having a migraine so I can’t turn on the radio or the TV and my computer just crashed!”

“As of now, there are hostages, Constance”, Aramis told. “Athos is one of them. D’Artagnan is here next to me while Porthos is in hospital. Do you want to talk with d’Artagnan?”

“Yes, please”, Constance said. Aramis could hear that she had been crying, which was no wonder. She had accidentally landed herself into a love triangle between her husband and d’Artagnan and the stress was making her have a lot of breakdowns because she was so uncertain about what she wanted to do. Aramis really hoped he could do more to help her.

Aramis handed the phone over to d’Artagnan who accepted it and began talking with Constance. He tried his best to calm her down and to reassure her that they were all coming home safely and that they could think of their future together when he was back. Aramis could almost hear d’Artagnan’s voice breaking; of course he was afraid. They could lose Athos or Porthos, or d’Artagnan could get shot. Aramis sent a quick prayer to God that all his dear friends would be saved.

“She wants to talk to you”, d’Artagnan said and gave the phone back to Aramis.

“Please keep them safe, Aramis”, Constance said, her voice even wetter than it had been before. “Please keep them all safe and put them back together if they get hurt. I want to see my idiot boys coming home in one piece.”

“I will”, Aramis promised. “I promise to keep everyone safe and patch them up if they get hurt so you can see your little idiots again. See, we want to see you again as well.”

“Thanks”, Constance laughed. “Call me when it’s all over. I’ll come to see you all when it’s all over.”

“Will do”, Aramis said and smiled to himself. It was always refreshing to hear Constance talking about the future and being so sure it would be a good one.

“We’ll have to storm in”, said Treville who had walked near d’Artagnan. “The communications are cut and I’ve heard fighting inside. René, we will need you inside once we have disarmed the man. We have called for a few ambulances but I fear it might not be enough…”

“I’ll wait outside and you’ll call me when you need me?” Aramis asked. He still didn’t understand why the captain insisted on calling him René. It felt like he was supposed to remember something about it but he just couldn’t.

“Yes”, Treville said. “I’ll send d’Artagnan or someone else to get you when it’s safe.”

Aramis nodded and d’Artagnan left with Treville. Aramis leaned back on the patrol car, hoping for the best. He could hear gunshots and he tried to shut them out from his mind. He kept holding his little crucifix he had gotten from Anne after Savoy. It was easily one of his most important possession since it showed that Anne had cared when he had thought that no one did. He was thinking that one day he should give it to Lucia but at that moment he found he couldn’t part with it yet…

“Aramis, come here!” d’Artagnan shouted from the other side of the road. “We need help!”

Aramis ran to d’Artagnan and they ran to the restaurant. Aramis could instantly see that most people were fine, if not shaken after the horrid experience but there were two men on the ground. One was Athos who was clearly unconscious and the other (the gunman, Aramis would soon find out) was bleeding and moaning in pain. Aramis rushed to the bleeding man and told the servers to get him paper and cloths to stop the bleeding.

“Why are you helping me?” the man asked. “I _wanted_ to die! I wanted the cops to shoot me…”

“You’re not going to die here”, Aramis told firmly. “What you have done is a crime and you will be sentenced accordingly but even criminals have a right to live and feel that they want to live.”

“What do you know about it?” the man spat at Aramis.

“I know a great deal, Monsieur”, Aramis said. “I’ve been in a similar state of mind but I tried to go very quietly. You wanted to go out in a grand fashion and maybe to be remembered but let me tell you – when people hurt others, the person who hurt people is never remembered, only hated and forgotten. Those who died are the ones who are being remembered.”

The man glared at Aramis while the paramedics took over. Aramis noticed bloodstains on the man’s blonde hair and then looked at his own hands. He suddenly realised that he could have been like the man, shooting at innocent people to get a police officer to shoot him. D’Artagnan helped him up while he still stared at his hands.

“Thank you, Aramis”, d’Artagnan muttered and hugged Aramis. Aramis’ eyes went to Athos who still seemed unconscious while the paramedics were loading him on a stretcher.

“What happened to Athos?” Aramis asked.

“He hit his head”, a teenage girl said. “He was trying to protect me and mamá but the mean man hit him with his gun!”

Aramis shuddered when he realised that the little girl was Spanish. She looked so much like Lucia and couldn’t be more than thirteen years old. In a few years Lucia could be in the same situation…

“It looks like a concussion”, Treville said. “He will be going to the same hospital where Porthos is. You can go there with d’Artagnan.”

Aramis nodded shakily while d’Artagnan led him to one of the patrol cars. He still had to wash his hands…

* * *

Aramis and d’Artagnan were sitting next to Porthos’ hospital bed while their friend slept. Athos had woken up and after being seen to by a doctor, he had been allowed to go stay with Porthos. He had fallen asleep while leaning his upper body on Porthos’ bed and he was snoring softly which made Aramis smile. D’Artagnan was playing with his phone and waiting for Constance to arrive. Aramis had called Constance as soon as he had managed to scrub his hands clean of blood. Constance had almost cried again and told she would drive to the hospital as soon as the phone call ended.

Suddenly she burst into the room and d’Artagnan ran to hug her. Aramis smiled at Constance and suddenly had a lapful of her hugging him.

“Thank you, Aramis”, she whispered. “Thank you for reassuring me again and again…”

“Anything for my favourite Constance”, Aramis said and hugged her back. Constance let out a teary laugh and Aramis clumsily patted her head.

Suddenly there was a groan from the bed and three pairs of eyes turned to look at Porthos. He opened one of his eyes and slowly lift his right hand to touch his temple.

“Who dropped a piano on me?” Porthos whispered. Aramis laughed heartily and Porthos grinned.

“There was a gunman at Jardin du Luxembourg”, d’Artagnan told. “You were running after him but he shot at you and made you fall so that you hit your head pretty hard. The bullet only scratched you.”

“So, I can go home soon?” Porthos asked. “I don’t really fancy hospitals… They feel really cold.”

“I can get you home today”, Aramis assured Porthos. “I have a medical degree and I can keep my eyes on you because I have tomorrow off.”

“That’s good”, Porthos said. “Can you do it right now? We could have a sleepover and eat some pizza… My place has enough room…”

“I will”, Aramis said. “Constance, can you wake Athos up? I’ll go talk to the doctor to let me take Porthos home.”

Aramis left the hospital room with a small smile on his face. He could have been like the gunman had he not had these incredible friends who would save him again and again if he needed them…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can also be found on tumblr as talvenhenki :D Please tell me your thoughts about these chapters and give me ideas for more if you have any! :D


	7. After the gunman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to expand on the gunman story with another chapter because I felt like I left it a bit incomplete. Also I know hospitals probably wouldn't let concussed patients away very easily but Lemay had Aramis and Constance against him so he had no chance :"D
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story!

In the end, it took a lot of persuading to get Porthos to go home. When Dr Lemay came to see Porthos and saw Constance, he decided that he could let Porthos go home in case Constance would go with him since Lemay knew Constance from her days as a nurse. (It had taken some pleading from Constance’s part too; she hadn’t worked as a nurse in two years after having studied to become a midwife and transferring to another hospital altogether.) In the end, Lemay yielded and told Constance and Aramis to call the hospital immediately if either Athos or Porthos got a worse headache or became confused or didn’t recognise any of them.

Aramis couldn’t help but thank Lemay over and over again. At some point, he had realised that the reason, why Porthos didn’t like hospitals must have come from him growing up in foster homes which weren’t neglectful but had left Porthos feeling like he didn’t belong. Aramis wanted Porthos to know that he _did_ belong – he belonged to their weird and mismatched group and Aramis would never have it any other way. Porthos laughed at Aramis’ constant thanking and told Aramis to be quiet before Lemay would decide that Porthos should stay after all.

They decided that it would be best if d’Artagnan drove Athos and Porthos to Porthos’ apartment while Constance and Aramis would use the public transport and go buy some food for all of them. Aramis had a spare key to Porthos’ apartment so they could get in without someone having to get up and open the door for them.

“What do you think we should get?” Constance asked. “I don’t really know what kind of food the boys like…”

“We could order Indian food”, Aramis mused. “Porthos loves it and both he and Athos always order meals that aren’t really spicy so they can’t mess up with their stomachs…”

“That’s a good idea”, Constance said. “You know them really well, do you?”

“Apparently I do”, Aramis said and blushed a bit. “Or at least I know Porthos…”

Constance laughed and led Aramis to the nearest take-away shop that sold Indian food. Aramis ordered the foods for himself, Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan while Constance ordered a meal for herself. They then caught a bus that would take them near Porthos’ apartment and walked down the few streets that separated the bus stop and Porthos’ apartment.

“We bought some Indian food”, Aramis announced as he left himself and Constance into the apartment. He was greeted by Porthos who scooped him up into a hug and planted a kiss on his lips.

“I love Indian food”, Porthos mumbled.

“Are you drunk, Porthos?” Aramis asked with an amused grin. Porthos was a cuddly drunk and always showered Aramis with kisses when he got especially drunk.

“No”, Porthos said and gave Aramis another kiss. “I just love you very much.” Each word was enhanced with another kiss and Aramis felt his knees growing weaker.

“Porthos, I need to get inside”, Aramis laughed. “Preferably before your kisses melt my knees.”

“Come on, Porthos, let’s get some food to you and the boys”, Constance said and led Porthos to the living room. Aramis shook his head and took off his shoes and coat and followed the two.

“Is Porthos drunk?” Aramis asked d’Artagnan who was sitting next to Athos, who had begun reading Porthos’ copy of _Les Misérables_ , when he got to the living room.

“No, he’s just being extremely cuddly”, d’Artagnan answered from the sofa. “He’s already confessed his undying love to you like ten times and also told that his sofa is the best one in the world for cuddling.”

“Oh dear”, Aramis sighed. “Porthos dear, is your head hurting? Can you see fine?”

“My head is feeling marvellous!” Porthos announced. “And I’m seeing much clearer than before. You, Aramis, are like a knight in a shining armour bringing us food and joy. Now, come here.”

Porthos help his arms open and Aramis sat next to him, only to be scooped into Porthos’ arms and get kissed another dozen times. Aramis laughed and clumsily patted Porthos’ shoulder. He then accepted the meal box Constance had identified as his and began eating while Porthos got his meal.

After a moment, Aramis realised that no one had anything to drink. He went to the kitchen to fetch some Coca-Cola and water for them to drink with the food. As he was gathering the glasses, he made the mistake of looking at his hands and suddenly he saw blood for a moment and he was at Savoy and it was cold, it was so cold…

_No!_

Aramis heard the sound of a glass shattering while he gripped Porthos’ sink. His heart had begun racing and he’d started hyperventilating and he leaned over the sink.

“What is it, Aramis?” Constance asked from behind Aramis while holding a hand on Aramis’ back. “Please breathe…”

Aramis tried to inhale deeply. And then he tried again. After a few long moments, he managed to slow his breathing and he noticed that he’d been crying into the sink and that there was a little pool of his tears in the sink.

“Mind the shards”, Constance whispered as she led Aramis to sit at Porthos’ table. “I’ll clean this up and then I’ll be with you. I’ll be away for just a moment.”

Aramis sat at the dining table, hunched over and leaning his forehead on his hands, elbows on his knees. He heard some rustling and when he looked up, he saw Porthos looking at him with worry in his eyes.

“Did you go into the past?” Porthos asked quietly. “Did you see something that set you off?”

Aramis nodded and tried to stop the tears that were coming to his eyes. Porthos smiled sadly and took Aramis’ hand into his and kissed it gently.

“That sometimes happens to me too”, Porthos told. “Sometimes I see that one foster home where I never fit in how much I tried… Especially when I’m in empty hospital-like hallways… That house felt more like some sort of institute and not a home…”

Aramis stood up and walked to Porthos. He almost sat on Porthos’ lap while hugging him. The image of a little Porthos standing alone in a huge hospital-like hallway had been so vivid that he felt like he’d needed to comfort Porthos. No child should have been left alone in a place like that, especially not anyone as kind as Porthos.

“Shouldn’t I be the one comforting you?” Porthos asked. “You’re the one hurt by everything. I was only hurt by a rabbit hole.”

“You’re wrong”, Aramis mumbled. “You’ve been hurt too. You’ve been hurt by those people in the foster homes…”

“Ah, but see, I have my amazing chosen family that has helped me get over all that”, Porthos told. “They’ve showed me that I _belong_. Now, can you tell me what you saw?”

“There was blood”, Aramis whispered. “And for a moment I was in Savoy… And… I think I saw Treville…”

“You saw the captain?” Porthos asked. “Why did you see him?”

“He… I think he was investigating the Savoy incident…” Aramis whispered. “He’d talked to me and asked me to tell what had happened… _That’s_ why he always calls me René!”

“Is there a lot of things you can’t remember after Savoy?” Constance asked. She had been letting Aramis and Porthos have their space but was now walking to them and sitting into the chair where Aramis had sat.

“I… yes”, Aramis said. “Now that I think of it, yes.”

“Maybe your therapist could help you remember everything?” Porthos asked. “They know how to work with brains…”

Aramis chuckled hollowly and leaned into Porthos’ embrace. Porthos planted another kiss on his cheek and grinned.

“You do know that if you need any help with any of this, we’re all ready to help?” Constance said.

“I do”, Aramis whispered. “And you have to know that I’ll support you through whatever decision you make with all the mess you’ve landed into.”

Constance nodded and smiled at Aramis. Porthos tightened his embrace a bit more.

One day they all would be whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any thoughts? I can still be found from tumblr as talvenhenki if anyone is interested in my pointless commentary about the musketeers in my tags :D


	8. What if?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a darker chapter again. I got the idea from one of Lady_Neve's earlier comments and I let it go wild. Just one minor thing Aramis hears makes him doubt himself and whether he should be with Porthos.

“But what if he just decides to kill himself? You shouldn’t be so trusting with someone suicidal…”

An unknown woman’s voice that had been speaking to Porthos had gotten Aramis’ attention when he had been walking to the convenience store where he was supposed to meet Porthos after work. He had slowed down his walking so he could hear what the two had been talking about, being very curious when Porthos had begun looking frustrated at the woman’s remarks. Aramis had a feeling he was supposed to know who the woman was but for some reason he just could not. He eventually hid behind an ad poster to eavesdrop Porthos and the woman’s discussion that seemed to be becoming an argument.

“Trust me, Alice, he won’t”, Porthos said. Wait, were they talking about _Aramis_? “He’s in a much better mental state now and I’m going to help in any way I can.”

“But what if it’s still not enough?” the woman, Alice, asked. “I’m sorry to say it but it seems so selfish of him to hold you down with all his burdens when you could have any woman who is whole…”

“He’s not holding me down, Alice”, Porthos argued. “And if this is all because he’s a man, I won’t listen to it again. I’m sorry we didn’t work out together but you can’t take it out on _him_! Yes, he’s a man and yes, he is in a terrible place right now and probably still suicidal from time to time but I love him. And I mean to help him with everything I’ve got, as little as it might be.”

“Whatever you say”, Alice muttered. “Anyway, I should be off now. See you later, maybe.”

Aramis waited for a moment and then snuck up behind Porthos. He wrapped his arms around Porthos’ waist and grinned when Porthos yelped.

“Jesus, Aramis, you scared me”, Porthos said and laughed.

“I saw my chance and took it”, Aramis laughed and winked. “I saw you with some woman while I was further away. Who was she?”

“That was Alice”, Porthos told. “We used to be together for a short time but it never really worked… I guess we were too different and, well, she was always a bit iffy about me liking every gender…”

“I’m sorry for that”, Aramis said and grimaced. “That must have felt disappointing… You’d think you could trust the one you love with everything and then it turns out that they’re that tight-minded…”

“Yup”, Porthos muttered and shook his head. “You’re fine with me not really caring about gender?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Aramis asked while they walked into the convenience store. “I’ve been with women and men myself; it doesn’t really matter. I’ve never known anyone of any other gender, though…”

“Thank god”, Porthos laughed. “I’ve been kind of nervous about it. So many people say that it’s unnatural to like multiple genders…”

“The people who say that are unnatural”, Aramis snorted. “So, what should we cook tonight?”

“Some kind of noodle soup?” Porthos asked. “I have piles of noodles and I’d like to get rid of them.”

Aramis laughed. Porthos wouldn’t leave him for being suicidal. Right?

* * *

Aramis was stirring the soup while Porthos had decided to make a quick run to the nearby boulangerie to get them few of the mighty good tarts they had started selling a few days ago. Alice’s words were still bugging Aramis; what if Porthos was going to leave him for being suicidal? Wasn’t he being selfish for taking Porthos’ time when Porthos could have someone who actually was happy?

Athos would know the answer. Athos always knew the answers. Aramis just had to text Athos and ask him.

**Aramis [19:09]  
** Is it selfish of me to be taking Porthos’ time while I’m suicidal?

**Athos [19:10]**  
What?  
Why would you think that?

**Aramis [19:11]**  
I mean, I’m suicidal  
What if I kill myself?  
Wouldn’t it have been selfish to force Porthos to stay with me while he could have had someone who doesn’t want to kill themselves?

**Athos [19:12]**  
Aramis, Porthos loves you  
And haven’t you been getting better? Did something set you off? You need to talk?  
If you even think of hurting yourself, come to my place immediately  
Or call me

**Aramis [19:14]**  
I’m not thinking about it  
I swear  
But am I selfish for taking his time?  
I need to know

**Athos [19:17]**  
Aramis, I don’t know. He loves you so taking your life would hurt him, obviously.  
Seriously Aramis, is something wrong?  
Should I come over? Or do you want to come over?  
Aramis, for real, that’s not a normal thing to ask.

**Aramis [19:18]**  
I don’t know  
I guess  
I overheard this conversation and it’s bugging me  
Athos what if I actually kill myself? What if I do? I still kind of want to do it sometimes when I’m alone. Athos help

**Athos [19:19]**  
That’s it, I’m coming over  
You home?

**Aramis [19:20]**  
At Porthos’  
Porthos’ at the boulangerie  
Please come I don’t want to explain this to Porthos alone, it was his conversation I overheard

Aramis was hyperventilating. He turned down the stove heat and put the kettle on a cold area on the stove so that the soup wouldn’t burn when he couldn’t pay attention to it. He felt tears gathering into his eyes and he walked to the dinner table and sat down on one of the chairs and began crying quietly. Even when Porthos got back from the boulangerie, whistling one of his favourite songs, Aramis was still crying.

“Aramis, what’s wrong?” Porthos asked when he realised Aramis was crying almost hysterically at the dinner table. Porthos ran to him and knelt in front of him and tried to take his hands but Aramis stubbornly kept leaning on them and hiding his face behind his hands.

“She was right”, Aramis managed to say between the sobs. “I am selfish… What if I do kill myself?”

“You won’t, Aramis”, Porthos said, his voice sure and steady. “I know you won’t because I know you’re suicidal and I know to look for signs of possibly wanting to kill oneself. I grew up in foster homes and many kids in them had mental illnesses; I know most of the signs that indicate when people want to kill themselves. I won’t let you kill yourself.”

Aramis sobbed again when the doorbell suddenly rang. Porthos raised his eyebrows; he didn’t know Athos had been coming over.

“’s Athos”, Aramis whispered. “Texted him. Said he’d come over.”

“I’ll go open the door”, Porthos said. “You okay here while I’m away?”

Aramis nodded, still hiding his face behind his hands. He heard Porthos opening the door and Athos frantically asking where Aramis was and if he had done anything stupid and what the hell had Porthos said that made Aramis ask all those stupid things.

“He’s sitting in the kitchen”, Porthos said. “Been crying quite a while. What do you mean he asked stupid things?”

“I’ll show you”, Athos said and took out his phone. “All the messages from today. What the hell was that conversation?”

“Oh shit”, Porthos mumbled. He then sat on the chair next to Aramis and wrapped his arms around Aramis’ trembling shoulders. “How much of the conversation did you hear, Aramis? How long were you there?”

“I heard everything after ‘but what if he decides to just kill himself’”, Aramis whispered. “I just… it wouldn’t stop bugging me… What if I just suddenly snap and kill myself when no one is there to stop me? Wouldn’t that be selfish of me? Shouldn’t I just leave now so that you can find someone who isn’t as fucked up as me so that you can actually be happy?”

“Aramis”, Porthos whispered and cupped his cheek so Aramis would look at him. “If you feel like you might snap, you call me or Athos. Is that okay? And even if something made you snap so that you’d kill yourself, I wouldn’t see it as selfish; it would be sad because I couldn’t save you. I love you and I would miss you and so would your family.”

A fresh set of tears was now making their way down Aramis’ face. Athos was helplessly looking at his friend struggling across the table.

“You just call us whenever you need us”, Porthos said. “We’ll sit with you whenever you need us. We’ll be there when you’re uncertain, I promise.”

“And if you ever feel like hurting yourself, come to us”, Athos whispered and took Aramis’ hand into his own. “And if you just need to scream or shout or whatever, I can always listen. I’ve told you before; I’ve already lost a brother and there’s not a chance I’m letting another slip away.”

Aramis’ breath hitched and Porthos immediately hugged him. Athos swallowed against the huge lump in his throat. God, he couldn’t lose Aramis, not when Aramis was finally recovering.

“I don’t want to die”, Aramis whispered. “But I still sometimes think that if something bad happens, I can always kill myself. I just want to _stop_ thinking that!”

“We’ll help you”, Porthos said. “We’ll help you and so will your psychologist. She’ll make you feel all better with that medication. I believe in you and I believe you will recover.”

Aramis sniffled and nodded against Porthos’ chest. Athos rubbed his eyes and then stood up. He motioned at the living room and Porthos nodded.

“Hey Aramis, how about you and Athos go wait in the living room while I finish our soup?” Porthos asked. “There should be enough for Athos too if he wants any. I only bought two pastries, though…”

Aramis stood up and he and Athos walked to the living room. There Athos moved the pillows on the sofa so that he could sit in the corner with Aramis partially laying on top of him.

“I’m sorry”, Aramis whispered.

“For scaring the living hell out of me?” Athos asked. “It’s fine. I needed to know you were alright.”

“Thanks for listening”, Aramis muttered. “I was being stupid…”

“No, you needed reassuring because something someone said hurt you”, Athos stated. “Will you be alright tonight or will you need me to stay?”

“You could stay…?” Aramis whispered hopefully.

“Am I not enough?” Porthos joked from the kitchen.

“He needs me to answer to his questions that he deems too stupid to ask from you”, Athos said. “He keeps telling me that he can’t wake you up all the time.”

“But he can wake you?” Porthos asked.

“I’m a lot older than you; I don’t need as much sleep as you do”, Athos laughed. Aramis listened the warm sound of laughing on Athos’ chest while beginning to doze off.

Athos and Porthos would keep him alive. He was sure they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? :D Feedback is always welcome here


	9. Lucia comes over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucia comes over, we hear a bit of Porthos' past and Athos, Constance and d'Artagnan make an appearance :D I was going to write one more scene to this chapter but I have no energy to do so, so I will continue this chapter with an additional one later :D
> 
> The songs I refer to in this chapter are Katinka which is a Finnish (and probably also Russian) children's song and Sofðu unga ástin mín which is and Icelandic lullaby (really sad one too)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!

“Anne asked me if I could take care of Lucia this weekend. She’s meeting some of her friends and we’d been talking about me spending more time with her and uh… would you like to see her?”

Both Athos and Porthos looked up from their copies of the autopsy report Aramis had given them. A young woman had been found dead in a park and no obvious reasons to her death could be detected so she had been sent for an autopsy. Athos and Porthos were investigating the case while d’Artagnan was stuck with a jewellery shop robbery with very few leads. Aramis felt kind of sorry for d’Artagnan for always getting the hard cases where Aramis wasn’t much help while Athos and Porthos usually got murders where Aramis could at least help them.

“I’d love to”, Athos said and smiled. “Should we ask d’Artagnan and Constance to come and see her too? I mean, you’ve asked Constance to be her godmother, haven’t you?”

“Yes, I think we should”, Aramis agreed. “I’ll text her and ask if she’s free.”

“How’re the christening preparations going?” Porthos asked. “And of course I’m coming to see her.”

“Well, Anne is handling most of them”, Aramis told with a nervous laugh. “I’m in charge of the cake and any other snacks that will be served there. Anne has arranged it all to be at her brother’s house… I’m kind of nervous about meeting him; I’ve never heard much about Anne’s family except that they’re Spanish…”

“It’ll be fine”, Porthos said. “We’ll be there and so will Constance and d’Artagnan.”

“Indeed”, Athos said. “We have to get back to the station; this report helped us a lot. See you tomorrow?”

“Yes, Anne will drop Lucia off at around eleven in the morning”, Aramis told while Athos and Porthos were already hurrying up the stairs.

* * *

As promised, the doorbell rang around 11 a.m. the next day and when Aramis opened the door, it revealed Anne and Lucia. Lucia was cooing happily in her baby carrier while Anne looked exhausted and tired but nevertheless, happy to see Aramis. She smiled tiredly as she handed over the baby carrier and the little bag containing Lucia’s things to Aramis.

“She’s been very restless lately”, Anne explained. “And she cries a lot. I think she might have colic and I’ve booked an appointment to see a doctor about it. I hope she doesn’t keep you awake too much…”

“It’ll be fine”, Aramis assured. “I live with less sleep than I should and this will be a good chance for you to get some sleep too.”

“Thank you”, Anne sighed. “I’ll come to pick her up tomorrow afternoon. Have fun.”

“See you”, Aramis said when Anne closed the door. Aramis turned to look at Lucia who was still cooing in the baby carrier. There was a rattle in her hands and she was playing with it, delighted of the sound it made when shaken.

“Let’s get you out of that carrier, shall we?” Aramis said to Lucia. “We can go to the living room and sit on that nice rocking chair and wait for Porthos to wake up. Does that sound good? We’ll have some guests later to see you…”

Lucia giggled at Aramis when he spoke to her and got her out of the carrier. He then walked to the old rocking chair his grandfather had given him as a graduation gift when he’d got his medical degree. He propped Lucia up on his lap and began humming an old lullaby his mother had always hummed to him and his sisters when they had been children. It told of two people whose ways had been parted and the singer kept asking where the two were going.

“Why are you singing lullabies in the morning?” Porthos’ tired voice asked from the bedroom door. He looked like he had just woken up and was still wearing the t-shirt and sweatpants he had been sleeping in.

“She seems to like this one”, Aramis said quietly. “And it was the first one that came to my mind. My mother always sang it to me and my sisters…”

“What a sweet sight you two are”, Porthos chuckled and looked around. “Let me take a photo… as soon as I find my phone somewhere…”

“Go ahead”, Aramis said. “You can use my camera too. I might want to print the photo later…”

Porthos chuckled and took Aramis’ camera in his hands while Aramis continued singing to Lucia. The song he began to sing was a very sad one, telling of a mother who had to kill her child or else she would have been executed for the crime of having a child outside a marriage and the child would have been left alone and eventually died as well.

“That’s a very sad-sounding song”, Porthos remarked after he had taken about a dozen photos.

“It is”, Aramis told. “I heard it by accident only few days after… after a person I had made pregnant suffered a miscarriage and the song somehow soothed me…”

“That sounds like a long story”, Porthos said and sat on the edge of the sofa. “Want to tell me about it?”

“Not now”, Aramis whispered. “Maybe when Lucia is not here. I don’t really want to talk about it when Lucia is around… It makes me have this irrational fear that I might lose Lucia…”

Porthos smiled sadly and stroked Aramis’ arm. He then got up from the sofa, mumbling that he ought to get some breakfast for himself. Aramis’ stomach – that hadn’t had breakfast yet, either – decided to make itself known on that specific moment, making Porthos burst out laughing.

“Want some breakfast too?” he asked. “I can make you some toast and tea.”

“I’d love that”, Aramis said, smiling fondly as Porthos begun making food. Somehow the domestic scene with Porthos made Aramis’ chest feel warm with love.

“When are Athos, d’Artagnan and Constance coming over?” Porthos asked from the kitchen. “I was wondering if I should prepare some food for us all…”

“They’ll come around three”, Aramis said. “We could prepare some small snacks for them…”

“No, you’ll be looking over Lucia; I can make some snacks”, Porthos said as he walked to the living room with a tray for their breakfast. “I could also run to that new boulangerie to get us some sweet pastries… Now, come over to the sofa; you won’t be able to eat breakfast on that rocking chair.”

Aramis laughed and carefully stood up. He placed Lucia on the playing mat he had put out earlier for her. He then sat down on the sofa and began eating his breakfast with Porthos.

“I found a photo album yesterday when I was cleaning my apartment”, Porthos said suddenly. “I didn’t really have time to look through it yesterday and I accidentally put it into my bag… Do you want to see the photos?”

“Are they photos from your childhood?” Aramis asked. When Porthos nodded, he continued, “Absolutely! You’ve never told me much about your childhood; I’d love to see and hear how you were as a child.”

Porthos grinned at Aramis and stood up to get the aforementioned photo album. He then walked back to Aramis and sat next to him. The photo album had Porthos’ name on it, written in a handwriting that looked like it belonged to an older woman.

“I don’t really have photos of me from before I was fourteen or something”, Porthos said quietly.

“How come?” Aramis asked. Porthos had never really told Aramis of his childhood; Aramis only knew that Porthos had grown up in foster homes because Athos had once told Aramis.

“The people in the foster homes never really took photos of us”, Porthos explained, his voice even more quiet. Aramis took Porthos’ hand into both of his and gently rubbed his thumbs over Porthos’ knuckles. “It wasn’t until I was fourteen that I moved to Madame Sauveterre that I had any photos taken of me besides the school photos that were taken once a year…”

“Sauveterre”, Aramis said and smiled. “Her name means safe haven… Was she a nice person?”

“She was the best foster mom I ever had”, Porthos whispered, blinking a few times. “We still call each other sometimes… I guess she’s got the perfect feeling of a mother…”

“I believe that”, Aramis said and tried to swing his arm around Porthos’ shoulders and failed miserably. Porthos laughed and swung his arm around Aramis’ shoulder, letting Aramis lean on him. Porthos opened the album and Aramis saw two photos of a young Porthos, looking slightly untrusting and hostile.

“I always wanted to throw these two photos away”, Porthos whispered. “When I was younger, they reminded me of that horrible building where I had to live for years where I never fit in… I lived there for… five years, I guess? Every day was horrible because I felt like I had no one in there… And when I was eleven, one of the girls almost committed suicide… She didn’t succeed and I tried to spend more time with her but only weeks after her first attempt, she hung herself in her room…”

“I’m so sorry, Porthos”, Aramis breathed. Porthos shook his head and turned the pages slowly. In the photos, the young Porthos gradually started smiling more and loosening up. In one particular photo, he was posing with a big dog next to him. “When was this taken?”

“It was taken when I was walking our neighbour’s dog”, Porthos explained. “He was part german shepherd and part some bear dog, I think it was Karelian… Anyway, Madame Sauveterre really wanted to have a photo of me and the dog so I put up my best pose. It looks mildly embarrassing, really.”

“It does”, Aramis agreed. “But it’s cute since it’s you. And you look happy so it is a good photo.”

Porthos snorted with laughter and blushed. He turned the page and Aramis saw a photo with him and two other teenagers laughing. One of them was a girl with light skin and long blond hair and the other was a boy with dark skin and short black hair.

“Those are Flea and Charon”, Porthos said. “We lived with Madame Sauveterre at the same time but I haven’t seen them in ages… I wonder how they’re doing…”

“Maybe Madame Sauveterre could help you locate them?” Aramis suggested. “I imagine they’d like to see you again…”

“I don’t think Charon does”, Porthos mumbled. “He wasn’t very happy when I decided to become a police officer…”

“Maybe he has had time to think about it and would accept your decision”, Aramis said hopefully. “Maybe he was simply afraid of losing you.”

“Maybe”, Porthos mumbled. Before they could continue talking, Lucia let out a cry that signalled that she was either hungry or needed a change. Aramis hurried to Lucia while Porthos stayed on the sofa. He had never really told anyone about his childhood because he’d had a small and irrational fear that everyone would just leave him alone if he told them about his childhood. And yet, Aramis was still there and accepted Porthos completely. It felt a little odd but at the same time, incredibly comforting.

“Well, aren’t you better now?” Aramis asked Lucia. “How about we sit with Porthos for a moment? We’ll have visitors soon and they’ll probably be showering you with attention…”

“You’re literally the image of a doting father”, Porthos remarked. Aramis blushed and tried to hide behind his hair. “I’ll go change so I’ll look a bit more presentable when Athos, d’Artagnan and Constance come over. I’ll probably start making some of the snacks as well…”

“I could help”, Aramis began but Porthos shushed.

“No, you spend time with your kid”, Porthos said. “Dote on her and tell her stories and everything like a good father should. You don’t see her enough to not pay attention on her.”

Aramis leaned back on the sofa with Lucia still on his lap. He held up a rattle for Lucia to reach and she started cooing happily. She tried to catch the rattle but suddenly she caught sight of Aramis’ golden crucifix. Her eyes fixed on the crucifix and she decided she had to catch it and began swinging her tiny arms to catch the crucifix.

“Do you like it?” Aramis asked quietly and brought it closer for Lucia to look at. “I got this from your mother after something very terrible happened to me… She gave it to me to bring comfort and safety when I could find it in nothing else.”

Lucia cooed again and Aramis was almost certain she had just said something like mamá. He smiled and nodded and began humming a children’s song about a sailor whose love was far away and he was sorely waiting to see her again. Lucia giggled and almost grabbed the crucifix in her tiny hands. Aramis quickly pulled it a bit further from Lucia.

“You don’t want to put it in your mouth, Lucia dear”, Aramis said. “It’s very old and honestly, I don’t want to know where it has been. It must be quite filthy… I probably should clean it…”

Instead of the crucifix, Aramis let Lucia grab his finger and chew on it. She had no teeth yet so the chewing only felt funny. _Her teeth will probably start growing soon_ , Aramis thought. _Must get her some toys she can chew on…_

Aramis could smell Porthos’ cooking. He was making some bruschetta to be eaten on some toast and Aramis couldn’t help but smile. Bruschetta was the shared favourite snack of Porthos and Aramis that they would always make when nothing else felt good to eat.

“Hey, when the bruschetta is ready, I’ll run to the nearby boulangerie”, Porthos said and peeked out of the kitchen. “Do you have any suggestions what I should get for us?”

“Chocolate bread maybe?” Aramis asked. “Or chocolate-filled croissants? Constance loves them.”

“I’ll bring some”, Porthos said. “Has Constance been ill or something lately? Every time I see her, she looks really tired and miserable.”

“She’s divorcing her husband”, Aramis told. “He doesn’t want her to get off easily because he knows she’s fallen in love with d’Artagnan and he’s angry about it. He wants to make Constance’s life hard as a revenge…”

“That’s just cruel”, Porthos muttered. “We better cheer her up a bit.”

“We should”, Aramis said and smiled at Lucia while giving her a rattle to play with.

It didn’t take long after Porthos had run to the boulangerie that Constance and d’Artagnan arrived at Aramis’ apartment. Athos came over a bit later with some cake for everyone and a huge teddy bear for Lucia. (“I thought it was my job as a father to spoil her.” “Shut up, I’m her godfather. I can spoil her if I want to.”) Lucia immediately fell in love with the teddy bear when she was in Constance’s arms while d’Artagnan moved the teddy bear near Lucia and doing small talk with Lucia.

“She loves that teddy bear”, Aramis said while he and Athos followed the scene in front of them. “Thank you.”

“It’s my job to spoil her”, Athos said with a smile. “And I’m glad to see Constance so happy. She came crying to me yesterday after a huge fight with her husband…”

“How bad was it?” Aramis asked. “Can I help in any way?”

“Very bad”, Athos said. “He started throwing things so she had to leave the house. You could… you could try to spend time with her and remind her she’s worthy of love; I don’t think she deems herself very lovable right now…”

“Is it because of the love triangle thing?” Porthos asked.

“Might be”, Athos mumbled. “I think she might be blaming herself for it even though no one really can control who they fall in love with…”

Aramis and Porthos released a collective sigh while Athos stood up and sat next to Constance and began talking to her. Constance then moved Lucia carefully over to Athos’ lap and took the teddy bear in her hands. He then began talking to Lucia while Constance and d’Artagnan smiled at the sight. Aramis took advantage of the situation and walked over to Constance and d’Artagnan.

“How have you been?” Aramis asked them.

“Stressed and annoyed”, d’Artagnan said. “There’s not a goddamn lead in my case. What about you Constance?”

“You want the honest answer?” Constance asked and sighed when Aramis nodded. “I’m tired of it all. I just want to be done with the divorce and get far away from Jacques. He started throwing things at me yesterday and he’s been threatening suing me even though I haven’t done anything illegal or worth suing for… He can have all my money for all I care; I’ll live in the streets if I must. I just want to get out of there.”

Aramis hugged Constance who had begun trembling. She seemed so tired and angry at everything that Aramis’ chest tightened a little.

“How about you stay here tonight?” Aramis asked suddenly. “You’ll get to spend more time with Lucia and you can sleep in the guest room. I have some clothes I can lend you and there might still be some soaps Anne has left in the bathroom. How does that sound?”

“Oh, I’d love to”, Constance whispered, her voice thick. “Will Porthos stay over too?”

“He almost lives here”, Aramis laughed. “I think he will. And please remember, Constance, that you’ll always be welcome here if you need a place to stay. Although I think d’Artagnan would be the first one to take care of you if you had no house to live in…”

“You bet I will”, d’Artagnan said and kissed Constance’s cheek. Constance laughed thickly and hugged d’Artagnan. Athos and Porthos raised their eyebrows at Aramis while Lucia decided to bite Athos’ fingers. Athos yelped, making Porthos laugh.

Later, when Athos and d’Artagnan left, Constance was holding Lucia while Aramis and Porthos were trying to decide what to make for dinner. Aramis was heating Lucia’s formula so that she could eat.

“Constance, Porthos and I are being very unoriginal and we decided to order pizza”, Aramis said. “What kind of pizza do you want?”

“I’ll take the blandest one with just cheese and tomato”, Constance said. “I don’t have much of an appetite.”

“Aramis, I think the formula is ready now”, Porthos told from the kitchen. “I got your order, Constance.”

Constance smiled when Aramis hurried to get the formula. He returned with a nursing bottle in his hands and sat next to Constance who carefully placed Lucia on Aramis’ arms. Aramis started feeding Lucia and she made happy little noises while nursing the formula.

“Should we order some Coca-Cola with the pizzas?” Porthos asked.

“I have some left but I don’t think it’s enough for us three”, Aramis mused. “Order some for us.”

“Okay”, Porthos said and entered the order to the app on the computer. “We’ll have the pizzas in about half an hour.”

“Good”, Aramis said and noticed that Lucia didn’t seem to want to eat any more of the formula. “Oh dear, was that already enough for you, darling? We can put the formula in freezer and let you eat later when you get hungry again. Constance, pass me that napkin, will you?”

Constance passed the napkin to Aramis who put it over his shoulder and lifted Lucia up. Very soon she let out a small burp and yawned.

“Is it time for a short nap?” Aramis asked. “You’ve stayed awake amazingly long. I think you could rest for a bit now.”

Aramis went to place Lucia in her baby bed in his bedroom and left the door open when he walked back to the living room. Constance and Porthos were deep in discussion about what to get for Lucia’s christening gift on the following weekend. Aramis listened with one ear while reading one of his books he had been meaning to read lately. Soon enough the doorbell rang and Aramis went to open the door and pay for the pizzas – only to find out Porthos had already paid for them. The delivery man handed over the pizzas and the bottle of Coca-Cola and wished Aramis a nice evening.

It had been such a nice day. The night, however, would be a sleepless one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Opinions? Critique? Feel free to comment and tell what you thought of the chapter :D
> 
> I can also be found from tumblr as talvenhenki in case anyone is interested in my commentary of life and Aramis' dumb choices :D


	10. The sleepless night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter update this time! I just wanted to write this chapter before I'd write a longer one I have in mind :D The songs I refer to in this chapter are En la Mar by Cécile Corbel, Shine My Star (a Russian lullaby, Origa has a great version of it) and Baba Yetu by Christopher Tin (I imagine Aramis would have a broad music taste and that he sings a lot...)

“Lucia seems to be crying awfully lot”, Constance said to Porthos when Lucia began crying again. Aramis was soon on her side, soothing her and humming to her whatever songs came to his mind. He even sang in Spanish when he remembered one is his favourite songs about a tower by the sea. Lucia still wouldn’t stop crying so Aramis lifted her on his arms and began dancing around, hoping that the movement would calm her down. He had already tried to feed her and change her diapers but neither had helped at all; she would still continue to cry. When Aramis finally managed to calm her down so that she could sleep, he gently placed her on her bed and went back to the living room and almost crashed down on the sofa.

“Anne said she thought Lucia had colic but I didn’t understand how much she would cry”, Aramis whispered. “What if she’s in pain? I can’t communicate with her; what if the crying means she’s in pain and she’s trying to tell us but we can’t understand it?”

“Usually babies with colic aren’t in pain”, Constance told and took Aramis’ hand into hers. “And if Anne has already booked an appointment with a doctor, all we can do is to wait.”

“And in the meantime, we can sing to Lucia and show her she’s loved”, Porthos said and sat down next to Aramis, taking Aramis’ free hand into his.

“I know”, Aramis whispered, “I just tend to fear the worst… I just feel so horrible when I can’t help her and she just keeps crying and crying and I don’t know what’s wrong…”

“It’ll pass, I promise”, Constance said reassuringly.

* * *

Constance woke up to the sound of Lucia crying. She was about to get up when she heard a room opening and Aramis singing quietly. Constance got up quietly and peeked out of the guest room.

The sight she saw melted her heart. Aramis was quietly singing and walking around while Lucia cried in his arms. The song Aramis sang was kind of sad; the song was clearly a lullaby but it sounded more of a funeral song than a lullaby. While singing, Aramis was calling Lucia his star (Constance had no doubt Aramis actually thought of Lucia as his little star) and his eyes seemed to be glistening with tears.

When Aramis’ song ended, he began singing another. The new song was in a language Constance didn’t know but she thought it sounded weirdly like a prayer. The rhythm was quite slow and the language somehow reminded her of Lion King.

When Aramis’ second song ended, he seemed to realise that Lucia had fallen asleep and he sighed. Constance’s eyes followed him as he sat down on the sofa and lowered himself to lie down with Lucia on his chest.

“You know that I love you, don’t you Lucia?” Aramis whispered to the little bundle on his chest. “My little star… I might end up nicknaming you ‘Arwen’ if I’m not careful…”

Constance listened how Aramis talked quietly to Lucia about everything and nothing. The most he talked about how much he loved Porthos and Lucia and how he wished he could recover from everything that had happened at Savoy so that Lucia’s childhood wouldn’t be shadowed by Aramis’ mental illnesses.

Eventually Aramis quietened and his breathing grew slower with an occasional snore here and there. Constance tiptoed to Aramis’ side and quietly laid a blanket on Aramis and Lucia. She knelt next to them and smiled at how peaceful Aramis looked when he slept.

“It’ll be alright my dear”, Constance whispered as she gently stroked Aramis’ hair. “You will recover and you will be able to see Lucia growing up. I believe in you.”

Constance tiptoed back to the guest room, wishing she could have taken a photo of Aramis sleeping. That peaceful look was something Constance would treasure forever; she had never realised how on edge Aramis always was until she’d seen his face relaxed.


	11. Christmas/How much love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is at least twice as long as the ones I normally write... I just felt like I couldn't end it anywhere :"D I've had this chapter in my head for a few days and wanted to write it now because I'm pretty sure that by Christmas I have a completely new fandom...
> 
> some notes:  
> Douai is a real place in northern France and I found it hilarious so I made it Aramis' home town  
> I have no idea how Christmas is spent in France and thought it might be a bit weird to ask my cousin about it in Summer  
> On a related note, I have no idea what people EAT during Christmas in France so I've just put here what my family eats during Christmas
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It was early Christmas Eve and Aramis and Porthos were driving up to Douai in northern France where Aramis’ family lived. Aramis’ parents had decided to invite Porthos and Aramis to spend Christmas with them in the family house and Porthos had somehow managed to get the holiday free for himself so that he and Aramis could spend it together with Aramis’ family. Porthos was driving the car while Aramis was trying to give him directions to his parents’ house. He hadn’t been to his parents’ house for almost five years and he was starting to think they were lost.

“Should I turn from here?” Porthos asked.

“Yes, I think it’s left from here”, Aramis answered. “I can see the forest from here; it’s the forest where we always go for our little ‘Christmas walk’ every year… Oh, yes this is our road. It’s that blue house over there!”

Porthos parked the car next to the dark blue house by the end of the road and he and Aramis got out of the car. They got their bags from the trunk and Aramis went to open the front door of the house. As soon as he opened the door, he could smell his mother’s cake and his father’s Christmas cooking. He hadn’t even realised how much he had missed the feeling of his home until he’d come back.

“Can we move inside, Aramis?” Porthos asked. “It’s cold and I want to greet your family.”

“Oh, right”, Aramis mumbled and kicked off his shoes and got into the house, letting Porthos close the door and take the small vestibule for himself. Aramis took off his coat and put it in the closet.

“Merry Christmas, dear boys”, said Diana, who had just emerged from the kitchen. She hugged Aramis and then turned to hug Porthos as well.

“Merry Christmas, mamá”, Aramis said. “Are Sofia and Mercedes here already? Anything I can help with?”

“Sofia and Mercedes came here yesterday but as of now they’re out buying some flowers and last-minute groceries”, Diana said. “And your father and I have almost everything done. You two can get settled in your room. Would you rather share the bed or have one of you sleep on the floor?”

“Mamá, Porthos is my boyfriend; I think we can share the bed”, Aramis laughed. “Can’t we, Porthos?”

“Most certainly”, Porthos said. “It’s easier to sleep when I’m with someone anyway.”

“Now go and get settled, boys”, Diana said. “Then you can come down and spend time with us. Now, shoo!”

Aramis showed Porthos the way upstairs to his room. The room was much like it had been when he had still been a teenager; on one wall, there was a huge atlas of stars and on the other there was an ancient-looking world map. The bed was still the same huge bed Aramis’ parents had bought after Aramis had moved to Paris to study. There was a new armchair and a small desk near the window.

“So, do we put the presents under the tree in the living room?” Porthos asked. “I might need some help carrying all the gifts down…”

“Yes, we always did so when I spent my Christmases here”, Aramis told. “My hands will be quite full so I might not be able to help you much…”

“What did you do on the Christmases when you weren’t here?” Porthos asked.

“I was usually alone at home”, Aramis said while making the bed. “My parents usually sent me some gifts but I always spent Christmas alone, usually with a poor version of my father’s foods… I’ve never quite learnt how to make the ham so juicy so last few Christmases I’ve just been eating some fish…”

“You shouldn’t be all alone on Christmas”, Porthos said. “Let’s start our own Christmas traditions next year! We can make foods we like and spend Christmas just how we want to. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“I’d love that”, Aramis said and turned to kiss Porthos. “I’d love that more than anything in the world.”

“Come here, darling”, Porthos said and swooped Aramis up into a bone-crushing hug. “God, I love you. Let’s make this Christmas a good one for us, shall we?”

“Yes”, Aramis breathed. “Let’s do so.”

Porthos carefully lowered Aramis down; he was tall and strong enough to accidentally lift Aramis up whenever he decided to hug him which, in Aramis’ opinion, was hilarious. In Porthos’ opinion it wasn’t as hilarious because Aramis was terrifyingly thin and lifting him up didn’t strain a muscle in Porthos. Porthos couldn’t help but fear that Aramis had either developed or that he was developing an eating disorder of some sort.

“Let’s get our gifts downstairs”, Aramis said and gathered as many gifts as he could in his arms and began carrying them downstairs. Porthos did the same and followed Aramis downstairs where they were greeted by Oscar and Sofia.

“Are any of those for me?” Sofia joked and gave Aramis a quick hug. “Merry Christmas to you both.”

“You know we won’t get to open the gifts until tomorrow morning”, Aramis said. “But there might be few gifts for you.”

Sofia grinned and went on to talk to Porthos. Porthos began laughing at whatever Sofia was saying. The sound of Porthos laughing and the familiar smell of Aramis’ parents cooking and baking mixed together and filled Aramis’ chest with warmth.

Yes. It was home.

“Are we going to go for our Christmas walk soon?” Sofia asked. “I know it’s not evening yet but I’d like to go soon…”

“What’s this Christmas walk?” Porthos asked. “Aramis mentioned it but didn’t really tell me what it’s about…”

“We usually go for a walk in that big forest on Christmas eve”, Oscar explained. “No one else walks there in the evenings and when Sofia, Mercedes and René were still children, Diana and I thought we should have them go outside on Christmas eve, hence the tradition of the Christmas walk.”

“You always said it was a charm for White Christmas”, Sofia mumbled. “We loved snow as kids and we always wanted to have a White Christmas so we always went for the walk very obediently…”

“And we had this song we would sing”, Aramis said suddenly. “I can’t remember how it went but I remember the terrible cacophony we caused.”

“But we rarely got any snow”, said Mercedes who had come downstairs as well. “I remember one year Sofia decided she wouldn’t eat anything until it snowed…”

“It did snow that year”, Sofia reminded her.

“Well, then we must go for the walk”, Porthos said. “Christmas isn’t really Christmas without snow after all…”

“Couldn’t we go later?” Aramis asked. “I’d like to see the stars… I can never see the stars in Paris and since we always walk near that meadow, I thought we could stop there for a moment and just look at the stars…”

“We can go later”, Mercedes said. “I’d love to see the stars as well. And wasn’t the trick that we were supposed to go out after the sunset so that the snow would come?”

“It was”, Sofia said. “I remember how Aramis and I protested it when we were afraid of the dark…”

“Oh, I remember that too”, Aramis said and sat down on the sofa. “I mean, I’m still not _fond_ of the dark but at least I won’t hide in the smallest possible corner when the electricity is down nowadays.”

“You don’t need to hide in the corner because you hide behind me”, Porthos said, sitting down next to Aramis. “Or then you let out a weird noise and grab my hand. It’s kind of cute, really.”

Aramis hid his face in his hands while Sofia laughed. Some things would never change and one of those things was Sofia’s habit of embarrassing Aramis that now seemed to extend to Porthos as well.

“Let’s watch a film”, Sofia said suddenly. Mercedes looked up from her sketching pad and nodded. “What do we want to watch? I can watch anything but horror.”

“We have a lot of old Disney films”, Mercedes said. “We used to collect them as children.”

“We also have a lot of films from Ghibli”, Aramis said. “As a kid, I was a big fan of the films so I made mamá and papá buy all of them.”

“Do you have _Howl’s Moving Castle_ then?” Porthos asked. “I read the book and loved it as a kid but never got around watching the film. We could watch that if you don’t mind.”

“Let’s watch it!” Mercedes said. “I haven’t watched it in ages and it’s such a sweet film. Porthos has to see it.”

“I don’t mind watching it”, Aramis said. “It always makes me so happy. And I want to see Porthos’ reactions to it…”

The afternoon went by as the d’Herblay siblings and Porthos watched the film. Aramis and Porthos were leaning on each other and Porthos had his arm around Aramis’ shoulders and Aramis was leaning on Porthos’ chest and listening to his heartbeats. Mercedes was sketching while she half-followed the film and sometimes looked at Aramis and Porthos. Sofia was fidgeting with a rubber band while following the film and sometimes dramatically mimicking whatever was being said.

“Look, it’s snowing!” Diana said when the end titles began rolling. Aramis suddenly felt very cold, as if ice had been put on his stomach.

“We’ll be having white Christmas after all!” Sofia cheered. “Will we still be going for the walk?”

“Of course we are”, Mercedes said. “We have to show Porthos our tradition, don’t we?”

“And I’d still like to see the stars”, Aramis whispered.

“We should probably start to go soon”, Oscar said. “It’s already dark and there are stars out already. We can eat right after we come back.”

“Sounds good”, Sofia said. “Let’s go.”

Aramis stood up and went to get his coat in a haze. He didn’t think it was a very good idea to go outside into a damn forest when it was dark and there was snow but he really wanted to see the stars. The stars were one of the happiest memories he had from his childhood and sitting on the field watching the stars all night was something he desperately wanted to do again.

“So, little Lucia is staying with Anne, isn’t she?” Oscar asked suddenly. “I actually have a little gift to her and I was wondering if you could give it to her…”

“Sure”, Aramis said. “I can give it to her. And yes, she’s staying with Anne because we didn’t think she’d take the separation from her mother for that long time very well… We thought she’d spend the next Christmas with me.”

“That would be nice”, Oscar said. “You could come here next year too, if you want to.”

“I’ll have to ask Porthos”, Aramis whispered. “I’d love to come…”

“Well, you have a year to think of that”, Oscar laughed and turned to look at everyone. “I’ll be holding the flashlight and Diana will be holding another. I’ll walk in front so please follow me and try to make sure no one strays away. Now, let’s go.”

The family set out to walk on a small path that went through the forest. Aramis had walked through the path hundreds of times and knew all the turns like the back of his hand – which was now holding Porthos’ bigger and stronger one. Aramis was telling Porthos about the different constellations and began soon pointing them with both of his hands. When they reached the meadow, Aramis stepped near a lonely tree and began pointing out his favourite constellations.

“…and that one there is Ursa Minor and that star in the end of the ‘tail’ is the Polaris!” Aramis explained. “When you find the Polaris, you can always tell where the north is. Isn’t that amazing, Porthos?”

Aramis turned to look around, only to discover that no one else was in the meadow. Aramis hurriedly walked after them on the path. Maybe he could still catch up to them before he would start panicking. He reached the edge of the forest and suddenly thought he had seen something move near the trees.

_I’m imagining it_ , Aramis thought. _No one ever walks here on Christmas eve!_

Aramis blinked and for a second he thought he’d seen the cold bodies of twenty dead men lying on the snow. He inhaled sharply and sunk to his knees.

He wasn’t in Savoy; he was home in a familiar forest and if he could just walk all the way home, he would be safely in Porthos’ arms again –

He felt tears on his cheeks and his breathing became shallower and shallower. He would never get home in that state of mind.

“God, help me”, Aramis whispered as he curled up into himself.

***

“That was a really nice walk”, Porthos said to Mercedes as they all reached the house once again. “We should go out like this more often, Aramis.”

When there was no answer, Porthos turned around and to his horror, realised that Aramis was nowhere in sight. Diana turned around as well and gasped.

“Aramis!” Porthos shouted. “Are you there, Aramis?”

“Mercedes, go inside and light the fireplace”, Oscar said. “Porthos, come with me. We’ll go looking for René. Diana, give your flashlight to Porthos and go help Mercedes, please. We’ll bring René home. Sofia, will you come with us or stay here?”

“I’ll come with you”, Sofia said. “The last I heard him was on that meadow… Could he have stayed to watch the stars a little longer?”

“Damn”, Porthos breathed as they began running to the meadow the same way they’d began the walk. “I should have made sure he was with us. That scatter-brained little fool…”

“Let’s not blame ourselves yet”, Oscar said. “What happened has already happened and we can’t change it. We just have to find our little René and bring him home alive.”

Some way before the meadow Porthos saw a slumped figure sitting on the ground and leaning on a tree trunk. When Porthos reached the figure, he could see it was Aramis whose lips had gotten a slightly blueish hue. His eyes looked unseeing and he wasn’t trembling at all which, if Porthos remembered anything from school, was not a good sign.

“René?” Oscar asked. “Can you hear me, René? It’s papá, can you hear me?”

“Papá?” Aramis asked quietly. “No… You’re not supposed to be here… Only Marsac and I should be here… Everyone else died…”

“Aramis, you’re not at Savoy”, Porthos said. “You’re in a forest in Douai near your home and you’re safe.”

“Home…?” Aramis breathed and looked around. “Funny… it’s not cold at all even though there’s snow… How backwards…”

Porthos, who had been cradling Aramis’ face, felt like his heart had stopped for a moment. Without a moment’s hesitation he scooped Aramis’ all too thin body into his arms and stood up and began running back to the d’Herblay house. Aramis felt too cold in his arms and the lack of shivering was making Porthos nervous.

“Hang in there, Aramis”, Porthos panted as he ran. “I’ll get you to home safely and get you better. Please hang in there; I don’t want to lose you!”

As Porthos ran back to the house, he saw Diana sitting on the porch. Porthos called her name and she ran to Porthos to take a look at Aramis and then went to open the door so that Porthos could get Aramis inside. Porthos took off Aramis’ coat and shoes and kicked off his own shoes and placed Aramis on the sofa near the fireplace that Mercedes was tending.

“Should we call an ambulance?” Mercedes asked. “He doesn’t look good.”

“No”, Aramis whispered. “No hospital… Don’t want to be alone…”

“We’ll try to warm him up here but if he doesn’t warm up enough to wake in an hour or so, I’ll call an ambulance to at least check on him”, Diana said. “Wrap him up in blankets, Porthos, while I go get him some woollen socks. Actually, it would be good if you wrapped him and yourself in the same blanket so your body heat will warm him up faster.”

Porthos obediently took the biggest and warmest blanket from the sofa and wrapped himself and Aramis in it. Aramis was still mostly unresponsive and alarmingly cold so Porthos began rubbing Aramis’ arms slowly to warm them up. At some point Oscar had got inside and sat next to Aramis and began rubbing Aramis’ hands to make the blood flow. Diana came back to the living room with two pairs of woollen socks in her hands and put them on Aramis’ feet.

“I’m so sorry, Aramis”, Porthos whispered. “I should have made sure you were still following us… I’m such an idiot…”

“It wasn’t your fault”, Oscar said. “We all should have understood that he might have strayed from the path…”

Aramis slowly began to shiver and opened his eyes. He looked around confusedly and his eyes landed on Porthos. Porthos placed a gentle kiss on Aramis’ hair and Aramis sniffled quietly.

“It’s alright now, darling”, Porthos whispered. “You’re home and safe. Nothing bad will happen to you…”

Aramis let out a sob and Porthos hugged him tighter. In his mind, Porthos kept thanking whatever higher force had let him find Aramis on time.

“For a second there I thought I saw the twenty men who died”, Aramis whispered. “I was all alone and it was dark and there was snow and god… I was so afraid…”

“You’re safe now, my dear boy”, Oscar whispered. “I’m so sorry for not noticing you were missing.”

“Not your fault”, Aramis managed to say before another sob got out. Porthos kissed Aramis’ forehead and stroked his arm when Aramis started crying quietly. Oscar placed a supporting hand on Aramis’ shoulder and moved his thumb in a comforting manner. No one really knew what to say so they all just sat in the living room uncomfortably. Porthos was quietly shushing Aramis and rocking him back and forth in attempt to soothe him while Diana was thanking God quietly for bringing Aramis back to them. It only then occurred to Porthos how religious Aramis was.

“Could we eat?” Aramis asked after he had calmed down and stopped crying. “I’m kind of hungry…”

Diana let out a teary laugh and went to hug Aramis. He was still shivering and too cold but at least he was home and warming up. Porthos kissed Aramis’ head again when Diana finally let go of him.

“We’ll have to warm some for the foods first”, Diana said, “but we can start with the fish and cold foods soon. Now, René you won’t get out of that blanket until I’ve come back with one of your father’s sweaters. Porthos, keep him there so he won’t lose any more of that important body heat.”

“I’m sorry”, Aramis whispered when Diana left the living room. “I shouldn’t have kept talking about the stars so much…”

“It’s alright”, Porthos said. “There’s nothing you should be sorry for; your enthusiasm is one of the things I love about you so much. I’m the one who should be sorry because I didn’t think you’d stay on that meadow that long…”

Diana returned to the living room carrying a sweater and a cardigan. The sweater was fairly thin but warm and the cardigan was one of Oscar’s big grey cardigans with flowers embroidered on the sleeves and buttons to close it on the front. Diana first made Aramis put on the sweater and then the cardigan.

“There you go”, Diana said. “We can go eat now; the warmer foods are warming up and Oscar has set out all the fish and everything that we eat cold.”

Diana gently brushed Aramis’ cheek as he began leading Porthos to the dining room. Aramis sat on the window side of the table with Porthos next to him and Mercedes next to Porthos. Sofia was sitting in front of Aramis while Oscar was sitting next to her and Diana next to Oscar. Aramis was holding Porthos’ hand under the table like it was the only thing keeping him safe.

There was a soft conversation floating around the family as they ate. Aramis was eating really quietly and would grab Porthos’ hand from time to time. Luckily Porthos was quite skilled at eating with only his left hand even though he was right-handed; he had usually been the calming force in many children’s lives during his time at the foster homes.

“How has your work been going, Aramis?” Sofia asked suddenly. “You don’t talk about it much.”

“I cut up dead people and look inside them”, Aramis said with a faint smile. “I don’t think that’s suitable for dinner time stories…”

“I think it’s interesting”, Oscar said. “And surely you have helped the police as well, haven’t you? Come on, you two, tell me how our René has helped the Paris police force with his work.”

“Well, there was this one case with a man whose right hand had been cut off”, Porthos began telling, “which was also the first case I handled with Athos and incidentally also the first case that made me go to the morgue where Aramis worked…”

Aramis listened to Porthos’ story fondly. He remembered his first day at the morgue when this young and handsome dark-skinned police officer had run to him, asking about the man who was lacking a hand. Aramis had been so dumb-struck by the man’s good looks that he hadn’t really understood what the man had said until the other police officer had said that Aramis (or, as Athos had said, the new scruffy-looking coroner) couldn’t have performed the autopsy yet. Aramis had then proceeded to ask if Athos and Porthos could wait so he could perform the autopsy and to Aramis’ horror they had stayed and followed him performing the autopsy.

“…and when Athos and I got out of the morgue, the first thing I said was ‘damn, he was good-looking’!” Porthos laughed. Aramis blushed, making Sofia laugh too. “Athos looked at me like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He just rolled his eyes at me and told me to go get Aramis’ number so we could call him later if we needed more details about the autopsy, except we never did.”

“But you called me”, Aramis said. “And asked me if I wanted to go out for some pizza as an apology for knocking over the tray that held the man’s liver…”

“And that’s how you got to know each other?” Sofia asked. “Over a dead man’s liver?”

“And some delicious pizza”, Porthos said. “It was all pretty wonderful and I invited him to spend some time with Athos and they befriended very quickly.”

“You’ve never told us how you two got together”, Mercedes said suddenly. Aramis inhaled sharply and grabbed Porthos’ hand yet again.

“I think we’d rather not tell the story just yet”, Porthos said. “It’s not a happy one… I mean the end is a happy one but the beginning is everything but…”

“We can hear that story later”, Diana said. “Are we ready for the second course?”

“Mamá, we’ve just eaten half a sea”, Sofia complained. “At least let us have a short pause.”

“Yes, you can have a short pause”, Diana laughed. “You can open your one small gift now.”

“One small gift?” Porthos asked. “Is this another one of your Christmas traditions?”

“It is”, Oscar explained. “When the children were younger, they always kept asking to open at least one gift on Christmas eve so we told them they could open just one small gift on Christmas eve and save the other gifts for the following morning.”

“This is for you”, Aramis said and handed Porthos a small package. He sat down next to Porthos with a small package of his own. Porthos opened his package that contained a box of Porthos’ favourite mint chocolates. Porthos smiled fondly at the box and turned to look at Aramis who was dazedly looking at his gift, a small book whose title was in Spanish.

“Who was that from?” Porthos asked. “What does that title mean?”

“It’s from mamá”, Aramis whispered, “and the title means ‘thoughts of love’…”

“Sounds like a good book then”, Porthos said and smiled at Aramis fondly. He had stopped shivering a while before but his skin was still cold. “You could translate some of them to me someday, if you don’t mind?”

“I could”, Aramis said and smiled a little.

The second course was soon laid on the table and the family continued their meal. Another conversation was begun, this time about what the family would do during their holidays. Sofia told about her plans to visit their grandmother in Spain during new year and at the same time go see Sagrada Familia. Mercedes was going to return to Lille and see some of her friends but had no other plans. Soon the eyes turned to Aramis.

“What?” he asked. “I don’t really have plans. I might spend new year with Lucia and Constance because Porthos, Athos and d’Artagnan will probably be working.”

“If you want to stay here, you can just call or drive by”, Oscar said. “It would be nice to see you more often.”

Aramis nodded and continued eating his meal. Porthos smiled at him and took Aramis’ hand into his own.

Later in the evening when everything was eaten and the family was just spending time in the living room, Aramis began to slowly fall asleep. Porthos put a hand on Aramis’ forehead and to his dismay realised that Aramis was a bit warm. He gently shook Aramis’ shoulder, waking him up.

“Hey, should we go to sleep soon?” Porthos asked. “You’re a bit warm so it’d probably be better for you to rest…”

Aramis nodded tiredly and let Porthos help him up. They then bid good night to everyone and went to Aramis’ room to get changed. They brushed their teeth in silence and Aramis almost fell asleep leaning on Porthos’ shoulder. Porthos herded him back to his room and they changed into their nightclothes and finally got settled on the bed. Aramis instantly cuddled into Porthos’ chest and sighed contently.

“This was the best Christmas I’ve had in a long time”, Porthos whispered. “Thank you for taking me here with you.”

“It was nice”, Aramis said quietly. “I’m just sorry I ruined it by being an idiot…”

“You didn’t ruin anything”, Porthos said and cupped his hands on Aramis’ cheeks. “You had a panic attack and I wasn’t there to help; I should be the one apologising.”

Aramis nodded quietly, still blaming himself. Porthos hugged him closer to his chest and sighed.

Aramis woke up later that night to find the bed empty. He looked around and thought to himself that Porthos was probably just using the bathroom. When Porthos still wasn’t back after what felt like at least twenty minutes, Aramis grew worried. Was Porthos sick? Should Aramis go looking for him? When Aramis was about to get out of the bed, he sneezed so loudly that someone must have woken up. Aramis decided that maybe he’d rather stay in bed so that he wouldn’t wake anyone else.

Soon the door opened and revealed Porthos who was smiling. As soon as Aramis saw Porthos, he reached out his arms to him so that he’d come back to the bed. Porthos got into the bed and hugged Aramis to his chest.

“That was one long bathroom trip”, Aramis whispered, surprised at how hoarse his voice was.

“Oh, I actually had a rather interesting talk with your father”, Porthos said.

“Oh? What did you talk about?” Aramis asked.

“Love”, Porthos said and hugged Aramis to his chest. “Sleep now; we’ll have gifts to open tomorrow.”

Aramis closed his eyes and smiled; Porthos was there so everything was fine.

* * *

The next morning Aramis woke up leaning on Porthos while Porthos still snored. Aramis looked around and noticed Diana standing in his room with a camera in her hands. She smiled at Aramis when she noticed he was looking at her.

“I wanted to take a photo of you two”, Diana whispered. “You looked so peaceful when you slept even though you look so stressed nowadays…”

Aramis was about to answer but instead of words, he just let out another sneeze. Porthos stirred at the sound and smiled at Aramis’ resigned look. He placed his hand on Aramis’ forehead and frowned.

“You have a fever”, Porthos mumbled. “Should you rest today?”

“I’ll be fine”, Aramis said, his voice hoarse like after shouting. “We won’t be doing much today anyway.”

Porthos sighed and got up and greeted Diana. Aramis got up as well and sneezed again.

“You’ll be drinking a lot of tea today, René”, Diana said. “I’ll let you two change and then I’ll be expecting you downstairs for breakfast.”

Aramis smiled softly as Diana left the room and closed the door. When he changed his clothes, he realised that he was stiff and sore which was most likely caused by his near-frostbite the previous evening. He decided to wear Porthos’ hoodie from the previous day because it was warm and smelled of Porthos. Porthos couldn’t help but chuckle; Aramis looked so tiny inside the hoodie that the sight was just endearing.

“Come on, darling, your mother expects us”, Porthos said and led Aramis downstairs. Aramis was eternally grateful for being able to hold onto Porthos’ hand while walking; Aramis was feeling a bit dizzy.

When they got into the kitchen, a nice breakfast had been set up for the whole family. Aramis took some toast and poured himself a cup of tea (Ceylon, his favourite) and a glass of orange juice. Porthos also took some toast and tea for himself and sat cosily next to Aramis.

“Have you already opened your gifts?” Porthos asked Sofia and Mercedes who were sitting on the living room sofa.

“Most of them, yes”, Sofia said. “Thanks for the scarf and mittens, Porthos, they’re really nice.”

“This here is from all of us, René”, Oscar said and placed a little notebook next to Aramis’ dinner plate. Aramis picked it up and read the text written on the front page.

_97 reasons we love our little Aramis! (We aimed for one hundred but Porthos wrote so damn long explanations that we could only fit 97 – Sofia)_

Aramis’ hands trembled when he opened the notebook and began reading the text written in it with five different handwritings. He felt a lump in his throat and tears gathering in his eyes.

_You’re always so invested in the things you like_

That was definitely Mercedes’ handwriting. It was curvy and soft, just like Mercedes herself. Aramis chuckled quietly.

_Your way of telling stories sounds like you’ve been there when the things you’re telling about happened. Even when you told me everything about the creation of Arda where you can’t have been_

That was Sofia’s handwriting; messy and hurried. Aramis smiled and blinked his eyes.

_When I see you as the first thing in the morning, it feels like a miracle. Your presence always makes me happier because I know that there is someone I can trust with all my heart and because I know that you still exist in our universe._

That was Porthos. His sweet, dear Porthos who would shower him with hugs and kisses every time it seemed like Aramis was feeling down. There were tears in his eyes now and he tried to blink them away.

_You’re one of the three greatest miracles in my life. You deserve all the love in the world._

One tear had managed to escape while reading his mother’s message. Aramis breathed slowly and read the next message.

_You’re the only reason I can believe in God because your existence is a miracle itself. Your kindness and love are keeping me sane even when the world is so full of hate._

That was Porthos again. Aramis covered his mouth and sniffled. A pair of strong arms enveloped Aramis’ frame as Porthos hugged him.

“We thought you might need some reminders like this during your recovery”, Porthos whispered. “You go back to the mindset where you hate yourself too easily so we wanted to give you this to remind you that you’re more than just your self-loathing thoughts…”

Aramis gripped Porthos’ arm and hid his face in Porthos’ shoulder. He sniffled again and smiled to himself.

“Thank you”, he whispered. “Thank you so much… I… I love this… I love you all so much…”

Someone else was hugging him too and he felt tears running down his face. He hadn’t been this happy in years.

He really loved his family. It was good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always much appreciated and so are ideas for future chapters :D


	12. Sylvie & Numbness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we meet Sylvie and Aramis has a very, very bad day. Luckily, Porthos is there to help Aramis but the same can't be said of Athos when he introduces himself to Sylvie! :D

It was a Saturday and Porthos was working. There had been a murder case that needed the paperwork done – everything else was closed about it. Porthos was writing the report together with Athos since they both had been working on the case. D’Artagnan was sitting next to Porthos, filing away the evidence in another murder case that he had finally managed to solve. Porthos was feeling bad for d’Artagnan for always having to work on the cases alone.

“I’m jealous of Aramis right now”, d’Artagnan sighed, “he gets to sleep long because the morgue is closed on weekends… Even Constance has work today.”

“He was awake when I woke up”, Porthos said, “but he at least didn’t get up before I left.”

“I hope he managed to sleep during the night”, d’Artagnan said. “Sleepless nights are horrible, especially when you just want to sleep in during weekends…”

“He said he’d woken up an hour or so before me”, Porthos mumbled. “I better make sure he’s alright…”

Porthos took out his phone and texted Aramis, asking how he was feeling and if Porthos could come over again on that evening. After few minutes, Aramis answered the text, telling he was just fine and that he’d love to have Porthos over. He even added a little smiling face to the end of the message and Porthos smiled. (Usually Aramis added a lot of emojis at the end of his messages; he said they somehow softened the tone of the texts.)

“Did you know there’s a protest nearby today?” Athos asked suddenly. When Porthos and d’Artagnan shook their heads, Athos continued, “There’s a protest for refugees today. I heard Cornet whining about having to be there and guarding even though it’s supposed to be a peaceful protest.”

“Whose bright idea was it to put _Cornet_ there?” d’Artagnan asked. “Hasn’t Cornet been visibly against France taking refugees? I hope he doesn’t arrest anyone on a whim…”

“Oh, he has”, Athos said. “He is a good person usually but for some reason he seems to be really against refugees which, in my opinion, is honestly stupid. Where else could the refugees go than here?”

“Didn’t Aramis mention that his therapist has been advocating for the rights of the refugees?” Porthos asked suddenly. “I think he told me she’d been able to help some young refugees get to good schools…”

“Really?” Athos asked. “That’s impressive. Porthos, do you have the autopsy report? I need to check few things…”

Porthos nodded and handed over the autopsy report to Athos. Athos began reading it and soon found the detail he needed and typed it in the report.

“How is Constance doing?” Athos asked absentmindedly as he wrote the report.

“She’s been a lot better lately”, d’Artagnan told. “The divorce is going better and she’ll get to keep the house because she inherited it from her grandparents…”

As d’Artagnan began explaining Constance’s family situation, Porthos grew worried about Aramis. He texted Aramis again, asking how he was doing and if he should ask if d’Artagnan or Athos would want to come over.

**Aramis [14:23]**  
I’m fine, just tired  
I don’t mind them coming over, I don’t just think I can be very social today  
Been really tired all day  
When will you come home?

**Porthos [14:28]**  
You need me to bring you something?  
I’ll be there in 3 hours

**Aramis [14:29]**  
I’ll be fine  
Thanks  
Love you

Porthos smiled fondly at his phone and turned to look at Athos and d’Artagnan. D’Artagnan had begun talking about refugees and wondered where he could find a trustworthy source to help refugees in France and Europe. Athos suggested the Red Cross and smaller non-profit organisations that d’Artagnan wrote down immediately for further research.

“Do either of you want to come over to Aramis’ place today?” Porthos asked. “None of us have any work tomorrow so we could relax and do nothing.”

“I can’t come”, d’Artagnan said, “sorry. I promised to help Constance’s husband with packing his stuff for when he’s moving; I used to live there and he knows me so I promised to help…”

“I can come”, Athos said. “I still haven’t given you two my Christmas presents anyway so this will be the perfect opportunity for it. I’ll just have to drop by my apartment first.”

“Christmas – oh dammit!” Porthos exclaimed. “I’ve forgotten your presents as well. They’re at my place… I’ll get them to you two on Monday.”

“It’s fine”, Athos said with a chuckle. “How was your Christmas? I hear Aramis got himself sick…”

“Oh yes, he did”, Porthos said. “He had a panic attack outside and spent probably at least forty-five minutes alone in the cold because no one noticed…”

Before Porthos could continue telling about the Christmas he’d spent with Aramis’ family, the three heard commotion from the other side of the room. Cornet had apparently arrested someone at the protest and was being reprimanded by Treville. Athos saw a dark-skinned woman in her thirties or so sitting at Cornet’s desk with handcuffs on her hands. She had an unyielding gaze when she looked at the people in the room. A bruise was forming on her temple, making Athos wince inwardly. He walked to the woman to at least open her handcuffs; from Treville’s tone Athos could hear the woman had done nothing wrong.

“Were you at the protest?” Athos asked while opening the woman’s handcuffs.

“Yes”, she said. “As far as I know, I haven’t done anything illegal.”

“Well, from what I hear of Treville’s yelling, you haven’t”, Athos sighed. “I’m sorry you had to be dragged here. What’s your name?”

“I’m Sylvie Boden”, the woman said. “Aren’t you one of the men who sometimes wait for Aramis at my waiting room?”

“As a matter of fact I am”, Athos said and smiled as he recognised the woman as Aramis’ therapist. “My name is Athos de la Fére and I work here as a detective.”

“Nice to meet you”, Sylvie said. “How do you know Aramis? He told me that you were one of the people who managed to stop him from killing himself…”

“He works as a coroner and has performed most of the autopsies for our cases”, Athos explained. “His now-boyfriend dropped a liver and as an apology bought him some pizza and we kind of got to know each other and eventually became friends…”

“I see”, Sylvie said and smiled. Athos felt weird in his chest, like it was too light. “That’s a new way to get to know someone; to drop a liver…”

“It certainly is”, Athos agreed. “Um… Since you will most likely be released soon, why don’t we go get some food after my shift ends? I have some program later but I’d like to, you know, apologise for my co-worker’s bad attitude…”

“I’d love that”, Sylvie said. “When does your shift end?”

“After two hours”, Athos said. “But since I have only paperwork, I can try to finish it all so we could go sooner…”

“Then go do the paperwork”, Sylvie said with a smile. “I’ll be waiting at the cafeteria downstairs if I get released before you’re ready.”

Athos laughed and walked back to Porthos and d’Artagnan. He felt his cheeks heating and tried to avoid looking at Porthos or d’Artagnan.

“Very smooth, Athos”, d’Artagnan commented. “Very smooth.”

* * *

“I’m home, Aramis”, Porthos called when he shut the door to Aramis’ apartment. There were no lights on which felt weird. Had Aramis gone out even though he’d been so eager to see Porthos? After taking off his shoes and coat Porthos turned on the lights in the living room and noticed the bedroom door open the way he’d left it. Porthos went to the bedroom and saw Aramis laying on his back the same way he had been when Porthos left; the only difference was that Aramis was holding his phone to his chest. He was staring at the ceiling and looked like he hadn’t even heard Porthos coming.

“Aramis?” Porthos asked and knelt next to him. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

“I thought I’d be able to get up by the time you’d get home”, Aramis whispered and Porthos took Aramis’ hand into his much bigger ones. “I just can’t seem to summon the energy to get up at all…”

“It’s fine”, Porthos said and began stroking Aramis’ hair. Aramis let out a sigh and closed his eyes. “Has this happened before?”

“A few times”, Aramis whispered. “They were all before… before I tried to jump; I thought I’d gotten better and this wouldn’t happen…”

“Hey, it’s alright”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ cheek. “Do you want me to help you get out of the bed?”

“Please”, Aramis whispered. “I have to be up when Athos comes over…”

“You know Athos would completely understand if you weren’t”, Porthos said as he helped Aramis to sit up and gently placed him so that he leaned against the wall behind the bed.

“I know”, Aramis whispered. “I know… That’s why I have to be up so that he won’t worry… I didn’t want to worry you either but I really couldn’t summon up the energy to get up…”

“Shh, it’s really alright”, Porthos said as he stroked Aramis’ cheek. “Can you wait here for a moment so I’ll get a few things done and then I’ll come to help you up?”

“Sure”, Aramis whispered. “Just… come back?”

“I will” Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ forehead. “I’ll always come back unless I’m physically unable to and even then, I will do everything in my power to come back to you.”

Aramis squeezed Porthos’ finger and smiled weakly at him. Porthos walked back to the living room and quickly shuffled through Aramis’ impressive collection of CDs. He soon found what he was looking – a CD by Cécile Corbel – and put it into Aramis’ CD player and hit play. He then went to get his backpack and walked back to the bedroom where Aramis was still sitting on the bed and staring at the wall. Porthos sat next to Aramis and took his right hand into his bigger hands.

“Do you think you can stand?” Porthos asked.

“I’ve never tried when I’ve been like this”, Aramis whispered. “I’d feel much safer just sitting…”

“I’ll get you to the living room”, Porthos said. “I’ll carry you.”

Porthos easily lifted Aramis up so that his arms circled Aramis and Aramis’ head and left arm leaned over his right shoulder. Aramis’ feet didn’t even touch the ground as Porthos slowly walked into the living room. Aramis quickly registered the music playing in the room and he smiled. Porthos began swaying slowly as if they were slow-dancing to Cécile Corbel singing about passengers of the wind.

“I thought I was the romantic of this relationship”, Aramis whispered.

“Sometimes you should let me do the romantic things”, Porthos said and kissed the side of Aramis’ neck which made Aramis shudder and sigh.

“I’m sorry for making you do all this”, Aramis whispered. “I’m not worth it…”

“You are worth every bit of this”, Porthos told. “And what kind of boyfriend would I be if I wouldn’t help you get better?”

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered, his voice strangled. Soon Porthos felt something wet rolling down his back.

“You crying?” Porthos asked quietly. Aramis made an affirming sound in his throat and Porthos sighed as he began rubbing circles on Aramis’ back. Soon the doorbell rang and Porthos went to open the door while still carrying Aramis.

“Sorry I’m so late”, Athos said. When he saw Aramis being carried by Porthos, he asked, “Aramis?”

“Not feeling good”, Porthos explained. “Come in.”

“I bought some food”, Athos said. “I have a few pizzas – we seem to eat a lot of those – and some sweet pastries… I’ll have to heat the pizzas in the oven; I can do it now if you’re hungry.”

“’m not really hungry”, Aramis whispered from the sofa where Porthos had placed him. “Everything tastes like sand…”

“How about the pastry at least?” Athos asked. “Have you eaten today at all?”

“I’ll take the pastry”, Aramis whispered. “I… I never got up until Porthos came home…”

Athos sighed and walked to the sofa. He sat down and then collected Aramis into a tight embrace.

Oh, how he wished he could magically will things better. He hated waiting for Aramis to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your thoughts and opinions are always the most welcome here! I love to hear what people think about my story :"D


	13. The Saturday evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to continue the last chapter with this one. I'm running out of ideas so if I don't soon get any more, I will make a brief two-chapter time warp five years forward :"D Those two chapters will be important and very fluffy.

“I think I might have agreed to go out with your therapist.”

Aramis’ eyes widened comically and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline at Athos’ announcement. He was leaning on Porthos who was sitting on one end of the sofa while Athos was sitting on another end. Aramis was leaning his head on Porthos’ neck so that every time Aramis would move his head, his hair would tickle Porthos’ neck, making him squirm. When Aramis leaned forward, giving Athos an open invitation to _tell him more about going out with Sylvie_ , Porthos moved his head so that Aramis’ hair wouldn’t tickle his neck so much. (Which, in the end, was futile – Aramis’ hair was messy and everywhere.)

“When did this happen?” Aramis asked. He put down the plate containing a few pizza slices – he had been hungrier than he thought and after the sweet pastry he had tried to get up to get some pizza but Porthos told him to stay on the sofa while he’d go get the pizza.

“Uh… she was arrested”, Athos explained and Aramis’ eyebrows – if possible – went even higher. “There was a protest and Cornet arrested her for no reason and I went to talk to her and asked her if she’d like me to treat her some food. We got some ice cream and talked a bit and uh… I think I have a date on new year’s…”

Aramis grinned at Athos who was blushing and trying to hide it. Porthos couldn’t help but chuckle; he felt like he was back in high school except this time he had friends who would share their secrets with him instead of him passing people by and hearing them talking about their secrets.

“I hope it goes well for you two”, Aramis said and smiled at Athos while leaning on Porthos again. “I haven’t seen you that happy in my life…”

It was then and only then that Athos realised how hurt all three of them were in their own way. Aramis was still trying to recover from the trauma of Savoy and the resulting depression and self-loathing. Porthos was only now coming to terms with his loneliness and neglect growing up and even though he wouldn’t talk of it much, Athos could see it in his actions; Thomas had acted like that as well after years of loneliness and being bullied. Athos himself had driven himself to drinking after his wife had murdered his brother and the said wife hadn’t even been convicted; that damn Richelieu had worked as her lawyer and got her no prison time, only a small sum she’d have to pay to Athos’ family for inflicting pain and loss.

“We’ll have to try our best”, Athos said. “But I believe we can be happy.”

“That’s great”, Porthos said. “She seems like a great person…”

Suddenly Aramis’ phone began ringing. He fished it out of his pocket and looked at Mercedes’ nickname displayed on the screen.

“Mercedes?” Aramis asked as he opened the line.

“Don’t freak out René”, Mercedes said, “but I’ve been in an accident. Could I come over? It happened a block or two away from your apartment and…”

“An accident?” Aramis asked. “You’ve been in an accident? Of course you’re coming over, I can’t make you stay anywhere else. What happened?”

“Uh… A car barrelled into mine and sent mine flying”, Mercedes explained. Before Aramis could freak out any more, she continued, “Only my car was damaged. I have a hairline fracture in my arm and a sprained ankle and probably a minor concussion. I’ll get a taxi to your apartment if that is okay?”

“What the… did they catch the one who hit you?” Aramis asked. “Just… just come over and we’ll talk.”

“Please don’t tell me you’ve had another baby”, Porthos joked as Aramis ended the call. Before Aramis could say anything, he asked, “What happened?”

“It was Mercedes”, Aramis said. “She was in an accident and is coming over…”

“Is she alright?” Porthos asked.

“She said she is”, Aramis sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “But knowing her she might have a hole in her chest and she’d say she’d still alright…”

“I beg to disagree, Aramis”, Athos said. “I know for a fact that it’s you who tells everyone else that you’re fine even with a gaping hole in your chest. I’ve talked to your sisters; they told me that you once tried to hide a broken leg.”

“I didn’t know it was broken”, Aramis mumbled, leaning further into Porthos who wrapped his arms around Aramis. “And we were playing hide-and-seek so technically it wasn’t the leg I was trying to hide but myself…”

Athos snorted but didn’t say anything. After ten minutes they heard the doorbell ringing and Athos walked to open the door since Porthos was still holding Aramis.

“I… thought René would be alone”, Mercedes said as Athos opened the door and smiled apologetically at her.

“Actually, the three of us rarely spend the weekend alone”, Athos said. “We just happened to stay here today.”

“I see”, Mercedes said as she took off her shoes and coat as well as her scarf and put them away. “So has Porthos hogged my brother all to himself so that he can’t open the door?”

“Yes, he has”, Aramis called from the living room, followed by a shriek and laughing. Mercedes raised her eyebrow and walked to the living room where Porthos was mercilessly tickling Aramis who was still partially on his lap and laughed.

“Porthos, stop!” Aramis laughed. “Can’t – can’t breathe!”

Porthos stopped tickling Aramis who leaned back on him. Aramis was still laughing quietly while he tried to catch his breath. Mercedes smiled at the sight and wished she didn’t have the hairline fracture in her arm – she really wanted a steady photo of her little brother looking so happy.

“Hey there”, Porthos said and waved, “I hear you were in an accident. Are you alright?”

“Aside from a hairline fracture in my left arm and a sprained ankle I’m doing fine”, Mercedes told. “I’m not supposed to stand or walk a lot so I hope my sitting won’t be frowned upon.”

“Of course not”, Aramis said. “Come here and tell me what happened.”

“Well I was just driving away from Sofia’s home”, Mercedes told as she walked to the sofa and sat down with Athos’ help. “And at a crossroads I was suddenly hit by another car coming from my right. Apparently, the woman who hit me had had a seizure and lost consciousness while driving.”

“What about your car?” Porthos asked. “Will you need a ride tomorrow? We can drive you somewhere if you need us to.”

“Well, I had an insurance so I might be able to get a new one”, Mercedes said. “And since I don’t have work until after new year, I’ll be fine. Is it okay if I stay here for a few nights, René? Sofia’s flight to Barcelona left half an hour ago and I’ll need to go through my car before I get a new one…”

“Obviously you’re staying”, Aramis said. “I’ll help you with your car and you can help me with cooking.”

“And Athos and I can keep you company when we’re not working”, Porthos said, “or dating as Athos soon will be.”

“It’s one date, Porthos”, Athos said, trying to hide a smile. “But I hope for more.”

“And who is this lucky person?” Mercedes asked.

“My therapist”, Aramis said. “Long story short; she was arrested and might have gotten together with Athos. We don’t know yet.”

The conversation carried on with a light tone. Athos got some pizza and pastry for Mercedes while talking about his day. Porthos talked about his day too and soon enough Mercedes’ eyes turned to Aramis.

“What did you do today?” she asked.

“Nothing”, Aramis said quietly. “I couldn’t really get up from bed before Porthos came home so… Nothing, really.”

“You never told me you had days that bad”, Mercedes said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“They didn’t really happen after I began my therapy”, Aramis said quietly. He really wished someone could think of another subject to talk. “I don’t really know what makes it better…”

“If you keep having that kind of days you can call me”, Mercedes said. “I can’t do much but I can listen if you need to talk.”

“Thanks”, Aramis mumbled as he leaned into Porthos’ protecting warmth.

“I think I should be leaving”, Athos said and stood up. “Unless you want me to stay the night.”

“It is pretty late”, Porthos said and glanced at Aramis who had almost dozed off. “Aramis, we should probably go to sleep too.”

“Ah… yes”, Aramis mumbled. “I’ll just show Mercedes where everything is.”

“Shh, I’ll show her”, Porthos said while Athos began leaving. “The guest bedroom’s bed is made and I’ll show her where the towels and other things are.”

“Mm… I should take a shower”, Aramis mumbled and waved at Athos who had gotten on his coat and shoes. “I stink…”

“I love you even when you stink”, Porthos called from the bathroom and Aramis was sure he could hear Mercedes laughing. “You can take the shower in the morning.”

Aramis smiled softly as Porthos came back to the living room and helped Aramis up. Aramis leaned on Porthos and grabbed a fistful of his shirt as they walked to the bedroom. Porthos let Aramis fall down on the bed and almost crashed next to him.

“Damn I love you”, Porthos whispered as Aramis took off the hoodie he had been wearing. He kissed Aramis and wrapped his arms around him.

“And I love you”, Aramis whispered. “I’m so glad you’re still here; I’m so grateful… God, I –”

“Shh, where else would I go?” Porthos whispered. “I won’t leave you; I love you.”

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered and kissed Porthos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions, thoughts & ideas for future chapters are always appreciated and loved and cherished!


	14. After Milady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place about year or so after Athos, Porthos and Aramis met for the first time so I hope you won't be too confused. I got the idea from the lovely Lady_Neve and I hope I did the idea justice! The chapter was a bit shorter than I thought it'd be but I hope you people can still enjoy it.

It had taken Aramis good half an hour to recognise the slumped figure at the bar. He had gone out drinking with Porthos and the new police officer, d’Artagnan after a successfully solved murder robbery. That day Athos had been on leave “dealing with family business” as Treville had explained it. Aramis had looked at the familiar-looking figure when they entered the bar and had glanced at it from time to time – he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was extremely wrong. It wasn’t until Aramis had recognised the figure as Athos that he’d realised that the “family business” had to have been something very serious.

“Porthos”, Aramis said, “did Treville explain what kind of family business Athos had to deal with today?”

“Not really”, Porthos said and shrugged. “I think he mentioned that it involved a trial and that someone called Richelieu had something to do with it… Why do you ask?”

“I was just wondering”, Aramis answered. “I might have to leave soon; we’ll see each other on Monday?”

“Yes, we will”, Porthos said. “Is it about Athos?”

“If I’m right, it is”, Aramis muttered and paid his bill and walked to the slumped form of Athos. His eyes looked alarmingly unseeing and he was trembling slightly.

“Athos?” Aramis asked. “What’s wrong, Athos?”

Athos didn’t answer, only continued to tremble. Aramis sighed and grabbed Athos’ arm.

“We’re leaving, Athos”, Aramis said. “Pay your bill and I’ll drive you home and you’ll tell me what’s wrong with you.”

“Not home”, Athos whispered. “Anywhere but home…”

“Not home, then”, Aramis said and sighed as Athos fumbled with his credit card. “We’ll go to my apartment. Then you can tell me what’s wrong.”

Athos nodded and paid his bill and let Aramis lead him out of the bar. Aramis helped Athos sit in his car and then got himself on the driver’s seat and started the car. He drove to his apartment where he helped Athos out of the car and got both of them inside the building and into the elevator that got them on the right floor and eventually apartment. Athos wouldn’t acknowledge his surroundings at all when Aramis began helping to take his shoes and coat off.

“What happened, Athos?” Aramis asked again, as he led Athos to sit on his sofa. “Was it Richelieu? What did he do?”

Athos turned to look at Aramis and Aramis inwardly winced at the helpless look in his friend’s eyes. It was like he had permanently lost something he could not replace.

“He got her free”, Athos whispered miserably. “He got her free even though she was guilty…”

“Richelieu got who free?” Aramis asked, alarmed at Athos’ miserable tone. “What was she guilty of?”

“Anne”, Athos whispered and sniffed. “He let Anne… my wife go free…”

“Your _wife_?” Aramis asked. He had never in his life imagined that Athos, the quiet and brooding Athos who thought love was a curse, could have been married.

“She killed Thomas”, Athos whispered brokenly. “She killed Tommy… she killed my little brother and the jury let her go free… Tommy is dead and she’s free and I don’t know how I’m supposed to live…”

“Oh, Athos, I’m so sorry”, Aramis whispered and hugged Athos as Athos’ eyes couldn’t hold the tears that had gathered into his eyes. Athos rested his chin on Aramis’ shoulder and bit his lip.

“What do I do now?” Athos whispered with a tight voice. “How do I live? How do I go on when I’ve let Thomas die alone and scared?”

“What you’re going to do now”, Aramis said slowly, “is that you’re going to let it all out. You can cry or scream or shout or whatever you need to do. I’ll be here the whole time and if you need to talk, I’ll listen. I know it won’t bring back your brother or undo whatever your wife has done but believe me, you need to let it all out before it eats you up from inside.”

“I want Thomas back”, Athos whispered in a small and broken voice. “I promised to keep him safe always and yet he had to die alone and scared when I couldn’t save him…”

Athos’ voice broke and he began sobbing on Aramis’ shoulder. Aramis hugged him even tighter as he began shaking with the sobs he tried to keep inside.

When Athos eventually stopped crying, he had slid down to partially lay on his side on Aramis’ lap, facing the living room, while Aramis stroked his shoulder. On his other hand Aramis had his golden crucifix and he mumbled something in Spanish.

“What are you saying?” Athos asked hoarsely.

“It’s a prayer for your brother”, Aramis explained with a sad smile. “I can’t do much else for him than pray. You, on the other hand, are the one I can at least try to help.”

“He didn’t really believe in God”, Athos mumbled. “And I don’t deserve any help.”

“But of course you do”, Aramis said confidently. “I don’t believe there’s any humans who don’t _deserve_ help. There are those who don’t want help but deserving is another matter. If you need something, you don’t have to deserve it.”

“How can you be that wise even when you’re that young?” Athos asked quietly as he smiled.

“I’m twenty-five”, Aramis protested while Athos pushed himself up so he could sit next to Aramis.

“Two years younger than Thomas would have been”, Athos mumbled. “Jesus, you’re _young_.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence”, Aramis snorted. “How come you’re that sober after the amount of alcohol you had?”

“You don’t want to know”, Athos mumbled. After a pause, he added, “Thanks for letting me here tonight. I really didn’t want to go home…”

“Is there a particular reason for that?” Aramis asked.

“Our divorce was finalised a month ago and Anne… she’s still moving out and her things are everywhere”, Athos told. “I just… I can’t go there and see all that now…”

“Do you want to stay here until she’s gone?” Aramis asked.

“I could easily stay in a hotel”, Athos began saying but Aramis interrupted him.

“No”, Aramis said, “you’re staying here. I have a guest room and no one else living here and there’s not a chance I will leave you alone in that state of mind.”

Athos chuckled and thought: _Dear god, have I accidentally been adopted by a man six years younger than me?_

“Fine, I’ll stay”, he said. “But you can’t expect good cooking from me. I can bake better than cook.”

“You treat me one or two take-away meals and we’re even”, Aramis said and grinned.

_No_ , Athos thought and smiled, _I think I’ve adopted a little brother…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters will be appreciated, loved and cherished!


	15. Near-death experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Midsummer, you amazing people who are reading this! It's Midsummer's eve here in Finland and I hope everyone has had a great day.
> 
> The idea for this chapter was given by the amazing issa and I really hope my writing did the prompt justice :D Here we see a moment of great despair but also some immense happiness.

Aramis was anxious. Lucia was sitting at the dining table and drawing with all the ability that a three-year-old could muster and Porthos was supposed to come over later in the evening for the dinner that Aramis was preparing and yet Aramis felt like something very bad was going to happen soon. He didn’t understand what bad could possibly happen; the worst thing that he could think of was that he’d forget to stir the stroganoff enough and they’d be eating slightly more burned stroganoff than he’d wished. He chuckled at the thought of charred stroganoff; he remembered how his grandfather had once burned their stroganoff and Aramis had learnt a great number of curses in Spanish that day.

“What’s funny, papá?” Lucia asked.

“I remembered how your great-grandfather burned stroganoff once”, Aramis said and smiled. “He wasn’t very happy about it so we had to order some pizza…”

“I like pizza”, Lucia announced and then showed her drawing to Aramis. “Look! I drew you and mamá and Porthos and me.”

“That’s a very good drawing”, Aramis said. “Does Porthos have an earring? You’ve been getting better and better at drawing.”

“Yes!” Lucia said. “You have a beard and a guitar and mamá has her pretty blue dress. And I have my green dress with the flowers and my hair is in ponytails.”

“I have a guitar?” Aramis asked. “How did you know I play guitar?”

“Mamá showed me photos where you had a guitar”, Lucia said. “She told me you could play a lot of songs before.”

“I can still play some songs”, Aramis said with a grin. “How about I go get my guitar from the storage room downstairs before Porthos comes home and I can play something for you and Porthos? The stroganoff is ready soon so I can go get my guitar in… five minutes. Come and taste the sauce and tell me if it needs anything.”

Lucia took the small spoon Aramis gave her and tasted the sauce. She frowned for a moment and tilted her head before smiling.

“It’s great, papá!” she announced. “Just perfect.”

“That’s good”, Aramis said. “Now, I’ll let the stroganoff wait while I go to the downstairs storage to get my guitar. Can you wait here alone or do you want to come with me?”

“I’ll wait here and draw some more”, Lucia decided.

“I’ll come back soon”, Aramis said and grabbed his keys. He walked downstairs and to the individual storage rooms and he soon found his acoustic guitar. He checked the strings and the rest of the guitar for any broken parts before starting to look for his tuning tool; he was sure his guitar was badly untuned. He soon found the tuning tool and went back upstairs where Lucia was drawing another picture. The new picture had Aramis holding a guitar and smiling widely, making the actual Aramis smile as well.

“That looks nice”, he commented as he sat down next to Lucia and began tuning the guitar. “Do you want me to play something while we wait for Porthos?”

“Yup!” Lucia said. “Can you play ‘Let it go’?”

“I don’t think I can”, Aramis said and smiled sheepishly. “I could play ‘Circle of life’ or Colours of the Wind’…”

“Play Circle of life!” Lucia begged. “Please, papá, play it!”

“Yes, yes”, Aramis laughed as he began playing the chords and singing one of his favourite songs from his youth. Lucia joined to the singing even though Aramis was singing the song in English and she could only sing in a mixture of French and Spanish.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Aramis stopped playing. He frowned as he walked to the door; he hadn’t invited anyone over and Porthos had the keys to his apartment so Aramis had no idea who could be behind his door.

“Athos?” Aramis asked after opening the door and revealing his oldest friend whose face was bruised and hand in a cast. “What are you doing here? Are you hurt?”

“I… There was an accident”, Athos said as Aramis let him in and led him to the living room. Lucia ran to greet Athos and hug him before settling down on Aramis’ lap. “We… we were about to arrest a couple under suspicion of murdering that old lady with cats… Suddenly gunfire broke out and Porthos threw me out of the window so I wouldn’t be wounded and then… the building collapsed partially while Porthos was still inside… He might be dead, Aramis.”

“No”, Aramis whispered and covered his mouth. Lucia looked at Athos and Aramis confusedly.

“What does ‘dead’ mean?” she asked. Athos looked helplessly at Aramis who was staring at the wall behind Athos.

“It means when someone’s body no longer works”, Athos tried to explain. “Their heart and brain stops and they can never again start working… It’s like sleep you can never again wake up from.”

“Can we never see Porthos again?” Lucia asked and looked like she would start crying. “Will they put Porthos in the ground like they put Luisa’s grandfather?”

“We don’t know yet”, Athos said in a voice he hoped was comforting. “He might be alive but we don’t know yet.”

“Can we do something to help him?” Lucia asked and on that moment Athos realised how much Lucia was like Aramis. She was always so ready to help people, just like Aramis was. “Can we go look for him?”

“We can pray”, Aramis whispered and looked at Lucia. “We can cross our hands and pray for God to lead Porthos back home.”

“Okay”, Lucia said and crossed her hands and closed her eyes. “Dear God, please lead Porthos back home. Papá and I love him very much and I really don’t want to have to put Porthos on ground yet because he’s one of the nicest people ever.”

Aramis sniffed quietly and hugged Lucia from behind. Lucia turned around and returned the hug.

“Do you think God will lead Porthos home?” Lucia asked. “He must be hungry; he hasn’t had dinner and it’s almost dinnertime.”

“We can eat and keep the leftovers so Porthos can eat them when he comes home”, Aramis whispered. “You should eat here too, Athos. We’d like some company tonight, wouldn’t we, Lucia?”

“Yes”, Lucia said and smiled at Athos. “Papá made a lot of stroganoff and it shouldn’t go to waste.”

“I… I’d like it”, Athos said. Truth to be told, he was worried about Aramis and wanted to make sure Aramis wouldn’t hurt himself.

“I’ll have to boil the rice before we eat”, Aramis said and stood up. “You two play or talk or something while I prepare the rice.”

“Your papa is very strong, you know”, Athos whispered to Lucia while Aramis walked to the kitchen.

“You just called me Lucia’s potato”, Aramis called from the kitchen, making Athos blush and Lucia laugh.

“Porthos said the same”, Lucia said, “but papá can’t lift really heavy stuff so I don’t understand.”

“There are many different kinds of strength”, Athos said. “Your father may not be able to carry heavy things but he is always there to comfort people even when he’s sadder than anyone else.”

“So people can be strong like that too?” Lucia asked. “Won’t papá need to cry when he’s sad?”

“He will”, Athos said, “but he usually does it when he’s alone.”

“Can you help him?” Lucia asked. “It’s not nice to cry alone.”

“I’ll promise to try my best”, Athos promised. Lucia smiled and walked to her toys and took out a puzzle and asked Athos to help her assemble it. Very soon Aramis called Athos and Lucia to eat and the two obeyed. Athos looked worriedly at Aramis’ very small helping of stroganoff when they ate; Aramis had a habit of eating too little when he wasn’t feeling emotionally well.

“Can Athos read me a bed time story tonight?” Lucia asked when her bedtime grew near. Athos looked at Aramis who nodded.

“I guess I can”, Athos said. “Do you have a specific one in mind?”

“Bambi!” Lucia said. “We have a picture book of Bambi.”

“That’s a good one”, Aramis said. “Should we go brush your teeth and change you into your pyjamas?”

Aramis went to help Lucia with her evening chores and when she was done, Athos went to read the bed time story for her. He was a bit nervous at first; he had never read a bed time story to anyone but Lucia’s laughing every time he made a weird sound gradually brought him out of his shell. He stayed with her until she was fast asleep and then quietly walked back to the living room, only to find Aramis sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands and his elbows resting on his knees.

“How likely is it really that Porthos is alive?” Aramis asked when Athos sat down next to him. “Please tell me the truth.”

“Not very likely”, Athos said quietly. “The building collapsed on a part that was over him. He must have fallen down a few meters at least and if by some miracle he wasn’t crushed under the five floors that collapsed, he could still be terribly hurt.”

“God, no”, Aramis whispered. “Not him… What do I do if he’s dead? How do I go on? He was one of the very few things I _lived_ for!”

“If he’s dead, I’ll stay with you through the worst part of grief at least”, Athos said as he collected Aramis into an embrace. “You’ll keep seeing Sylvie and you’ll have to talk about it to her. I don’t know what else I can do…”

Aramis had begun to tremble and Athos knew he was crying. He had already been through so much and losing Porthos could easily set back all the recovery from the past three years. Athos was afraid that losing Porthos would make Aramis actually kill himself this time and Lucia would have to grow up fatherless.

_“He’s going to propose to Aramis, you know.”_

Remembering d’Artagnan’s words so suddenly made Athos’ chest tighten. Porthos had wanted to marry Aramis and now he was probably dead and…

No, Athos couldn’t think of it. He couldn’t think of the happiness Aramis and Porthos could have had if Porthos really was dead. He couldn’t tell Aramis that if Porthos hadn’t been in that building on that day, Aramis would probably be married and _happy_. Athos couldn’t hurt the broken man in his embrace any more.

“Athos”, Aramis whispered suddenly through his tears. “You’ll have to stop me from killing myself. I don’t want Lucia to grow up fatherless because I was too weak to live. Promise me, Athos. Promise me that you’ll stop me when I cannot.”

“I promise”, Athos whispered and hugged Aramis even tighter. “I’ll help you through all of the grief.”

“Thank you”, Aramis breathed and continued crying silently.

Eventually Aramis fell asleep in Athos’ embrace and Athos lowered him to lay down on the sofa. He placed a blanket on Aramis and then sat on one of the armchairs and ran a hand over his face. He couldn’t help but blame himself for the whole situation. He could have gone to arrest the two alone or they could have gone later and discover the collapsed building. He could have done so many things differently to prevent the situation at hand.

Oh, he really wanted to punch himself. If he had gone to arrest the couple later, Porthos would be there with Aramis right now and Aramis would be happy.

Suddenly Athos heard someone opening the door to Aramis’ apartment. It was almost midnight and Athos couldn’t possibly imagine anyone wanting to see Aramis at midnight, especially when the only people Athos knew had keys to the apartment were Aramis, Porthos and Aramis’ sister Sofia. Athos got up shakily and while hoping for the best, walked to the door.

Porthos was standing at the doorway and smiling sheepishly at Athos. For a moment, Athos could only stare at his best friend before he was hugged by Porthos.

“We thought you were dead”, Athos whispered dumbly.

“Please don’t tell me you told Aramis I was dead”, Porthos said.

“I told him that we didn’t know but that you were most likely dead”, Athos told dazedly as Porthos let him go. “He… he didn’t take it well.”

“How is he?” Porthos asked as he struggled to get his coat off. Athos realised that Porthos had a broken arm as well.

“He’s sleeping on the sofa”, Athos said and let Porthos walk into the living room. Porthos smiled sadly at the sight of Aramis curled up and hugging himself in his sleep on the sofa.

“Aramis”, Porthos whispered and gently shook Aramis’ shoulder to wake him. Aramis opened his eyes slowly and looked at Porthos, not recognising him first. His eyes then widened suddenly and he bit back a sob as he almost jumped to hug Porthos.

“Athos told me you were most likely dead”, Aramis whispered and kissed Porthos while cupping his cheeks in his trembling hands. “Are you hurt? How did you survive? Oh God, I had almost accepted your death…”

“I’m very much alive”, Porthos whispered and hugged Aramis to his chest. “I broke my arm while falling but otherwise I’m fine. The walls in the building didn’t collapse fully and I ended in an air pocket like place under the rubble so the firemen just had to dig me out.”

“Thank god”, Aramis whispered through his tears. “Oh thank god; I couldn’t have survived without you, not yet, not this soon…”

“You won’t get rid of me this easily”, Porthos said, making Aramis laugh quietly. Porthos sighed and pulled out of the embrace, looking at Aramis’ tear-stained face.

“I had planned to do this in better circumstances”, Porthos said and took a small box out of his pocket, “but might as well do it now. I love you, Aramis, and I’m not going to stop doing so anytime soon. Your readiness to help and the way you show your emotions are few of the things that have made me fall for you. I realised today under all that rubble that I have no idea when I might suddenly lose all of that and I would never, ever want to lose it. Will you marry me so that we may face all our time on this Earth together?”

“Yes”, Aramis whispered as his eyes filled with tears. Porthos put the small box in Aramis’ hands and let Aramis open it and see the simple ring. Aramis laughed weakly and turned to look at Porthos with a wide smile on his face. “Yes, I will. I… I love you so much; of course I want to marry you, you little idiot. I… I didn’t think you’d want me with all the emotional baggage and everything…”

“Of course I want you, Aramis”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis. “You’re the best thing the world has ever given me. Of course I want to spend my whole life with you.”

Aramis giggled when Porthos kissed his cheek and slipped the ring on his finger. He hadn’t been this happy for a long time.

He would be even happier soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas are always welcome, loved and cherished!


	16. Grimaud strikes again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this chapter was given by the amazing Hsg :D Athos has been terrorized by a blackmailer and gets in danger. This chapter contains some mild violence and a very hurt Athos which I hope you can still enjoy.

“How’s my potato friend?” Porthos asked Athos as he got to his desk at the police headquarters. Athos’ inability to say the word “papá” had made Porthos give Athos various potato-related nicknames, out of which “potato friend” was most frequently used. Athos had first been annoyed about being called potato but eventually just resigned to his fate; Porthos had found the nicknames hilarious and even d’Artagnan had smiled at them. Even Aramis had chuckled at the nicknames; he was happy that it wasn’t him being called potato again.

“Mm… I’m kind of tired”, Athos mumbled while looking at his computer screen. He had gotten another e-mail. “Haven’t slept much…”

“Is something the matter?” Porthos asked and frowned. Athos was looking really dazed.

“I’ve… been getting these e-mails”, Athos said, “and they are basically threatening to hurt people I care for… I thought it was some kind of joke, like chain mail or something, but I’ve been getting a dozen of them every day and I’m getting worried…”

“What do they say?” Porthos asked and wheeled his office chair closer to Athos’ desk.

“The message has always been the same; the sender is someone from a case I have solved and I think they want revenge”, Athos explained while opening the new one. “Oh god, this e-mail is threatening to hurt Aramis… It says that I have to find whoever sent the e-mail or they’ll kidnap Aramis until I find the one who sent the e-mail…”

“What?” Porthos asked. “How long do you have until they threaten to take Aramis?”

“Ten hours”, Athos whispered. “I’m going to have to talk to Treville…”

“You do that and I’ll call Aramis”, Porthos said and took his phone out of his pocket but before he could call Aramis, he saw him standing at the entrance to the room he and Athos were currently in. Aramis was holding a stack of papers in one hand and in the other he had a cardboard cup of cocoa. He noticed Porthos looking at him and smiled at Porthos widely before starting to make his way to Porthos.

“I was looking for d’Artagnan”, Aramis said. “I have the autopsy report he needed and I thought that I should drop by to see you and Athos… Is something the matter? You look terribly pale… Are you sick?”

“No… I… Athos got an e-mail threatening to hurt you in case Athos couldn’t find the man who sent the e-mail”, Porthos whispered. He then stood up and hugged Aramis.

“Well, that’s worrisome”, Aramis said. “Does Athos know who is sending them? Has anyone been able to trace the messages to a device? We’ll have to find out who this mysterious e-mail person is before he gets to us.”

“How can you be so calm about this?” Porthos asked and kissed Aramis’ cheek, making him laugh.

“Well, it’s only me the mysterious e-mail person is after”, Aramis reasoned. “And a lot of things can be found out about blackmailers by just looking into the details of the e-mails. I think we need to call a computer specialist or someone similar to help us. I can find out some things about the blackmailer but I’d rather have a professional doing the actual searching. Where’s Athos? And d’Artagnan? He really needs the autopsy report for his investigation…”

“Athos went to talk to Treville”, Porthos said. “D’Artagnan is at the archive room; he said that his case reminded him of a case he and Athos once solved.”

“It does remind me of one case”, Aramis said. “A soldier spending his vacation in Paris was murdered by a man called Lucien Grimaud, if I remember right… He made Athos chase him for a while before Athos finally caught him. It turned out that Grimaud had been committing other crimes as well, for example smuggling and blackmailing people…”

“But isn’t Grimaud in prison?” Porthos asked. “He can’t be behind this!”

“Lucien Grimaud escaped from prison a week ago”, said Treville’s voice behind Porthos and Aramis. They turned around to see Athos following Treville who was now looking at Aramis and Porthos. “Why were you talking about Grimaud?”

“The woman whose autopsy I performed was killed exactly the same way as the soldier who was killed by Grimaud”, Aramis said. “Her name was Lorraine Bonheur and she was a 35-year-old elementary school teacher. She died of blunt force trauma from the back of her head; her skull was smashed in with most likely a baseball bat or something similar…”

“Jesus”, Athos whispered and almost fell onto his office chair. “Could this whole blackmailing be Grimaud’s doing?”

“It’s one possibility”, Treville said. “How much time until the blackmailer threatens to take Aramis?”

“Nine hours and forty-five minutes”, Porthos said. “What should we do?”

“We should get someone to trace the e-mails”, Aramis said. “It’s possible to trace them to the IP-addresses they were sent from and through that there’s a possibility to find the whereabouts of the sender. That is, if they have done sloppy job. Should I call the head of the morgue and tell her I might be in danger? There are no new bodies so I technically don’t have to be there; Fleur can take care of the ones we’d have to clean up…”

“I’ll call the tech support”, Treville said. “You’ll stay here for the time being, René; it’s safer that way. We’ll catch this guy as soon as we can. We should also check every case Athos has been on and see if any people related to them have been released or escaped from prison recently.”

“I can help with that”, Aramis said and turned to look at Athos who was shaking on his office chair. “Do you need something, Athos? I can go get you something to eat or drink if you need anything…”

“You’re not going anywhere if it’s Grimaud behind this”, Athos whispered. “I’m not letting him take you. That man is deranged and dangerous and knows how to inflict the most harm. You stay here until we’ve captured him.”

“You will get whoever is behind this”, Aramis said. “I trust you will.”

D’Artagnan chose that moment to finally return to the office room. He was carrying an old case file and he didn’t realise he was being watched until he sat at his desk.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Athos has been getting e-mails that say Aramis might be in danger”, Porthos said. “Also, Aramis is here with the autopsy report you needed.”

“Oh, thanks”, d’Artagnan said. “You know, this really reminds me of the case with Lucien Grimaud. Do you think someone is copying his crimes or something?”

“It could be Grimaud himself”, Aramis said as he handed over the report. “Treville just told us that Grimaud has escaped from prison a week ago. Wasn’t that the first case you handled with Athos?”

“Why weren’t we informed earlier?” d’Artagnan asked. “Considering the state he got Athos in when Athos was chasing after him, one would think Athos would be in danger if Grimaud has escaped. And yes, it was our first case, that’s why I remember it so well…”

“What did Grimaud exactly do to you?” Aramis asked from Athos who had begun shaking more violently.

“He beat Athos so badly that his left shoulder was dislocated and he got multiple lacerations”, d’Artagnan explained.

“He made sure to tell me that the help would never be in time to save me”, Athos whispered. “He actually made me fear death for a moment… D’Artagnan had to shoot him to make sure he wouldn’t escape and to get me some medical attention…”

“But why is he only after you?” Aramis asked and squeezed Athos’ shoulder. “Why hasn’t he threatened d’Artagnan?”

“Who knows?” Athos said. “Grimaud certainly has some personal vendetta against me and wants me to suffer.”

“We don’t know yet if it’s Grimaud”, Porthos reminded the other three. “When the tech support comes here, we’ll probably get some idea about where the person who sent the e-mails might be.”

Athos nodded and rubbed his eyes. Aramis sat down on a spare chair and took out a notebook and a pen.

“So, we have to go through every case Athos has been in and check whether any people related to them have been released from prison recently”, Aramis said. “We’d better get down to it.”

* * *

After hours and hours of searching for possible jailbreaks or released prisoners, Grimaud remained the only suspect. Aramis had written down every case and every person Athos had arrested and crossed them out when it was sure that the culprits of said cases were still in prison. Athos was growing skittish and angry, making Aramis worried about him. The technician had been able to trace all the e-mails to a same IP-address which was a smartphone they’d been able to locate at Jardin des Tuileries. Athos had almost immediately gone there before Aramis could talk any sense into him.

“Athos, you can’t go just yet”, Aramis said. “You have to take someone with you in case Grimaud wants to attack you. If no one else, at least take d’Artagnan with you. He was with you in that previous case with Grimaud so he will know how to act in case the blackmailer is Grimaud.”

“Yes, and he’ll be back here soon”, Porthos said. “He went to look at the crime scene again to compare this case and the case with Grimaud. You can wait half an hour before going after the blackmailer.”

“Fine”, Athos whispered and sat down on his office chair and absentmindedly trying to scratch the skin under his cast. “I’ll wait.”

“Aramis”, Porthos said and motioned Aramis to look at his computer screen, “look at what I found.”

On Porthos’ computer screen Aramis could see an internet store of some jewellery store. Porthos had opened the section with the wedding rings and it took Aramis a moment to realise that Porthos had clicked on a pair of wedding rings with Irish wedding vows carved in them – in a cursive that made the rings look exactly like The One Ring from Lord of the Rings. A smile spread out on Aramis’ face as Aramis looked at the rings.

“You’d like those, wouldn’t you?” Porthos asked.

“I’d _love_ those”, Aramis said and grinned widely. Athos took a quick look at Porthos’ computer screen and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I will be greatly disappointed in Aramis if he doesn’t get those for your wedding”, Athos said, his spirits momentarily lifted. “How is the planning going?”

“Quite well, actually”, Porthos said. “Aramis’ parents want to host the party after the ceremony and we’ve learnt not to fight against the d’Herblays. As of now we’ve been thinking of late August for the wedding. We’ll be moving to a new house at the beginning of July…”

“You already found a house?” Athos asked in surprise. Everyone knew that the house market was basically stopped and finding a new house was nearly impossible.

“Actually, it belonged to my grandparents”, Aramis said. “But since my grandfather is long dead and we had to place grandmother in a senior home because of her dementia, the house has been empty for some time and we managed to buy it…”

“Oh? And where is this house?” Athos asked.

“It’s in Saint-Maurice”, Aramis said. “It’s really close to the graveyard. We used to play in the graveyard with my sisters…”

“Well, that’s morbid”, Athos commented, making Porthos laugh. “But I probably don’t have any right to say that; Thomas and I used to play in the cellars of the family château… There were tombs and old weapons in the cellars…”

“Family château?” Porthos asked. “Are you telling me your family has a château?”

“Yes, we have one in Loire”, Athos said. “Technically it still belongs to my father but he hasn’t been there in years because it reminds him too much of Thomas and mother…”

Athos suddenly looked like he’d been swallowed by whatever he had been saying. Aramis frowned; he could tell Athos was still hurting after the deaths of his brother and mother.

“But you’ve been seeing your father more lately, haven’t you?” Aramis asked.

“Yes”, Athos said. “I have. He won’t really leave his house unless I go see him…”

“Who won’t leave his house?” d’Artagnan asked from behind Athos.

“My father”, Athos said. “D’Artagnan, Porthos and Aramis keep telling me that I have to take someone with me when I go to meet the blackmailer and they’re saying I should take you with me. Can you spare your time to help me?”

“If it’s Grimaud, yes”, d’Artagnan said. “The crime scene is identical to the one connected to Grimaud but I have no leads on him. Honestly, this blackmail is the best lead I’ve got.”

“Grimaud is the only suspect we’ve got”, Athos said. “Thanks to Aramis, we’ve located the blackmailer in Jardin des Tuileries… Speaking of which, where _is_ Aramis?”

Athos looked around frantically when he realised that Aramis and his bag were gone. He saw a small note on Porthos’ table, saying Aramis had turned on his GPS on his phone and giving the IP address of his phone so that they could track him.

“Did that idiot go after the blackmailer himself?” Porthos asked. He took out his phone and texted Aramis.

**Porthos [18:34]**  
Aramis, where the _hell_ are you?  
You’re in danger  
Get back here at once!

“He’s not answering”, Porthos whispered. “Oh god, don’t tell me that the blackmailer got him…”

“We’re going to the gardens now”, Athos said and got up. “If the blackmailer is Grimaud and he gets Aramis, there’s no telling to what he might do.”

Porthos and d’Artagnan followed Athos outside and to his car. D’Artagnan opened a tracking app and wrote Aramis’ IP address into the search bar. The app showed him near the gardens and d’Artagnan swore.

“He’s near the gardens”, d’Artagnan said while Porthos’ phone suddenly alerted him of a new message.

**Aramis [18:53]**  
I’m at Jardin des Tuileries  
I can see Grimaud from here  
Tell Athos to be careful  
Grimaud has a knife  
A big knife  
Might have a gun as well

**Porthos [18:55]**  
Get the hell out of there!  
It’s dangerous  
We’ll handle this  
You just get away from Grimaud

“It was Grimaud the whole time” Porthos said. “Aramis says he has a knife and possibly a gun too. I told him to get the hell away from Grimaud. How much time until Grimaud threatens to take Aramis?”

“Five minutes”, Athos whispered, gripping the steering wheel. “We have to hurry…”

Athos broke a few speeding limits while driving to the gardens. He parked the car nearby and almost dashed out of it to get to Grimaud.

In the end, Athos found Grimaud fairly easily. He was sitting on one of the benches and reading a newspaper of some sort. He did not look up when Athos walked to him.

“I have found you”, Athos said. “Now what is it that you want?”

Grimaud looked at Athos and gave him a threatening smile. He stood up to his full height, not once breaking eye contact with Athos.

“Be glad that you came in time”, Grimaud said, “because now you’re the only one who is going to be hurt.”

Before Athos could fully register what Grimaud had said, he felt a fist connecting with his jaw and making him fall. Grimaud placed his foot on Athos’ chest so he could not get up.

“You destroyed my business”, Grimaud hissed. “You sent me to jail after shooting me. You’re going to suffer from that!”

“Could you – by any chance – leave him be?” asked Aramis’ voice from behind Grimaud. “You’re a wanted fugitive and on run from the police and I have two police officers behind me who are quite ready to arrest you. If you don’t harm him, I’m sure you will have a shorter time in jail.”

“What would you, a coroner, know anything about that?” Grimaud asked. “I know I will serve the rest of my life in prison so I’m going to enjoy the little time I have left outside.”

Grimaud shoved his heel down on Athos’ chest and Athos could feel ribs breaking. He let out a strangled gasp and tried to hit Grimaud’s leg to get free.

Suddenly there was no Grimaud over Athos since Aramis had thrown himself against Grimaud to free his friend. Grimaud turned to look at Aramis with rage and charged at him, trying to stab his shoulder. Aramis, however, managed to stop Grimaud and wrench the knife from his hand. Grimaud snarled and threw Aramis down with such a force that it knocked off his breath.

Grimaud turned to Athos who had gotten up and was breathing heavily. He was looking at Grimaud with rage almost as great as Grimaud’s as he attempted to punch Grimaud. He landed a few good hits on Grimaud’s face before Grimaud managed to kick Athos’ broken ribs, making Athos gasp and double over in pain. Grimaud then picked up his knife and stabbed Athos’ back. Athos cried out in pain and fell down.

“Let him go!” Porthos bellowed from a few meters away. He was aiming his gun at Grimaud while glancing at Athos’ trembling form every few seconds. Grimaud backed away from Athos and suddenly spun to force Aramis to stand up and act as a human shield.

“You will have to shoot him if you want to shoot me”, Grimaud growled. “I hear that you two are in love… Will you truly be able to shoot him, I wonder?”

“It’s alright, Porthos”, Aramis said and tried to force a smile. Oh, how his back hurt. “You can shoot him. It’s alright.”

“Shut up!” Porthos shouted. “I won’t shoot you!”

There was a shot, however, from d’Artagnan who had been behind Aramis and Grimaud which hit Grimaud’s right leg and made him lose his balance. Aramis elbowed Grimaud’s side to free himself and ran to Athos.

“Call an ambulance!” Aramis shouted as he began treating Athos’ wound. Athos whimpered and began shaking more violently.

“It’s alright, Athos”, Aramis reassured him. “Help is on the way. We’ve got Grimaud and Porthos is calling an ambulance to help you. You will be fine soon. Paramedics will give you something for the pain. It’s alright.”

Aramis took Athos’ hand in his and squeezed it. Athos bit his lip and breathed heavily through his nose.

“I know it hurts, Athos”, Aramis whispered. “Help will be here soon, I promise it.”

The paramedics arrived very soon after and lifted Athos on the stretcher. Aramis rode with him in the ambulance and could only watch as Athos was wheeled to emergency surgery. D’Artagnan took care of Grimaud and took him to another hospital and arranged a police guard to guard Grimaud’s hospital room. Porthos drove to the hospital where Athos and Aramis were and coaxed Aramis to get his back looked after – the fall had been anything but gentle. After his back had been looked at, Aramis called Sylvie.

“Sylvie Boden”, Sylvie answered.

“Hi, it’s Aramis”, Aramis said. “Sylvie, there has been an incident and Athos was hurt. He’s in surgery now.”

“What happened?” Sylvie asked. “Where are you?”

“A man attacked him”, Aramis said. “I can explain it better later… We’re at Hôpital Cochin.”

“I’m coming there”, Sylvie said. “Can you come to the front doors of the hospital in thirty minutes?”

“I’ll see you there”, Aramis answered.

“Thanks”, Sylvie said. “See you soon. Bye.”

“Bye”, Aramis said as the line was cut off. He sighed and leaned on Porthos.

“Is Sylvie coming here?” Porthos asked as he wrapped his arms around Aramis. Aramis nodded tiredly and looked at his trembling hands.

“He was scared”, Aramis mumbled. “Athos was so scared when he had been stabbed…”

“But your presence calmed him”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ hair. “He knew he would be safe…”

“That’s good”, Aramis said and smiled weakly.

“Now”, Porthos said, “what the hell made you think it was a good idea to just leave like that?”

“I wanted to help, I think”, Aramis said. “I knew Athos was a wreck and I wanted to warn him in case Grimaud had any weapons… And since I’m not allowed to carry weapons, I’m not much help in situations like this…”

“Next time, warn me when you’re going to help us”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ hair again. Aramis smiled softly and chuckled.

“Do you think we should get those wedding rings you showed me?” he asked.

“Absolutely”, Porthos said. “We could call them ‘the One Ring to bind our love’ or something…”

“You hopeless romantic”, Aramis laughed. “I’ll have to go to the front doors; Sylvie asked me to see her there. I’ll show her here and we can wait until Athos gets out of the surgery and can receive visitors…”

“Okay”, Porthos said. “See you soon.”

Athos would be fine. Aramis knew he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions, thoughts and ideas for future chapters are always appreciated, loved and cherished.
> 
> Next up will most likely be the wedding!


	17. The wedding - and love you for eternity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the grand wedding chapter! The name is from 'For the Dancing and the Dreaming' which is a song from How to Train Your Dragon 2 :D I've been writing this chapter for the whole day and I really hope you will enjoy it because it's 2.30 AM and I'm about to go to bed as soon as I get this posted :"D
> 
> Please enjoy!

Aramis was excited. He and Porthos were standing at the entrance of the city hall of Douai with Athos, d’Artagnan and Constance standing behind them. He and Porthos were going to get married in less than an hour and he was beyond ecstatic. He had no words to describe how happy and anxious he felt at the same time; he felt like marrying Porthos would be the best decision in his life but the thought of the ceremony was making his nerves go on overdrive. Constance sighed when she realised he had begun trembling again. She walked to him and adjusted his bowtie and messed his hair a little.

“There, you look perfect”, Constance said and smiled warmly. “You’ll do great and then we can drive to your parents’ house and set up the reception.”

“Thanks”, Aramis whispered and smiled widely. He was distantly aware of his cheeks hurting from all the smiling. “Thanks for being here.”

“Nonsense; I’d never miss my chance to witness two of my best friends getting married”, Constance said and hugged Aramis. “I’m so happy for both of you. Now go to your soon-to-be husband so I can take a photo of you two. I need a photo of you two being happy in my house.”

Constance ushered Aramis next to Porthos and got her camera out of her purse. She took a few photos of Aramis and Porthos and was about to close her camera when they kissed. She somehow managed to snap another photo before the kiss ended and grinned contently. She was planning to document almost everything from the wedding so that Aramis and Porthos would have a lot of happy memories to look at. Out of all the people Constance knew, they deserved the happy memories the most. She knew how much they’d been through and how much they loved each other. She had turned to the God she’d renounced years ago to pray for their happiness more times she could count.

“Are we ready soon?” Porthos asked. Aramis nodded and grabbed Porthos’ hand for support. Constance stopped them before they could go inside and slipped white roses to both their suits’ chest pockets. She then smiled at them and ushered them inside the city hall.

The ceremony itself was over quite quickly. After the ceremony was over and the official documents were given to Aramis and Porthos they got into Athos’ car while Constance and d’Artagnan got into Constance’s car and they drove to the d’Herblay house. Aramis was holding Porthos’ hand the whole ride and smiling shyly at his lap. Porthos and Athos were talking during the ride while Aramis shyly glanced at the wedding rings he and Porthos were wearing. His heart swelled with pride every time he looked at them.

“And we’re here”, Athos announced as he parked the car near Aramis’ parents’ house. Athos reached to his pocket to take out something and suddenly cursed.

“What is it?” Porthos asked, surprised from the outburst.

“I forgot the speech”, Athos whispered. “It was on my dining table this morning and I forgot it there…”

Aramis couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Somehow Athos’ mistake soothed Aramis’ own anxiety a bit.

“At least you didn’t mess up as badly as my father’s best man”, Aramis said. “He forgot the rings and realised it halfway through the ceremony. Somehow, he still got them in time… You can still improvise the speech.”

“I’m so sorry”, Athos said and smiled sheepishly.

“It’s fine, Athos, it really is”, Porthos said. “We should probably get into the house, shouldn’t we?”

Aramis nodded and got out of the car. He walked to the front door with Athos and Porthos following him. He took one steadying breath and stepped in. He soon found himself being hugged by both Sofia and Mercedes.

“Please don’t crush him”, Porthos laughed, helping Aramis stand upright. When Sofia and Mercedes let go of Aramis, they both decided to hug Porthos.

“Show me the ring!” Sofia said as soon as she’d let go of Porthos. Aramis lifted his left hand and Sofia grabbed it and giggled. “Did you somehow manage to talk Porthos into getting replicas of the One Ring for your wedding rings?”

“Those are Irish wedding vows”, Aramis explained. “But we did get them because they look like the One Ring…”

“Of course you would”, Mercedes said and smiled. “Congratulations, René.”

“Thanks”, Aramis said and smiled widely. “I think we should probably let Athos inside too. Constance and d’Artagnan will be here soon as well so we should really clear the doorway.”

“Alright”, Sofia said and grabbed Aramis’ and Porthos’ hands, leading them out of the doorway and into the living room. Mercedes greeted Athos who finally got inside.

Diana rushed to the living room and hugged Aramis. She then greeted Porthos with a quick hug and told the two to stay where they were so she could get a photo of them. She then rushed to grab her camera and took a few photos of Aramis and Porthos.

“You look great”, Diana said and kissed their cheeks. “Congratulations to both of you. We’re still preparing some of the foods but we’ll soon be ready so just sit down and wait for the guests.”

“I’ll help”, Aramis said. “I can help with decorating the sweets and someone else can do the placement; I have no eye for that.”

“But it’s your day”, Diana protested as she followed Aramis into the kitchen.

“And I want to help, mamá”, Aramis said and smiled at Diana. “Otherwise you and papá will work yourselves to exhaustion.”

“We won’t”, Diana protested and stroked Aramis’ cheek. “We made Sofia and Mercedes and my mother help us.”

“Grandmother is here already?” Aramis asked. “When did she come over?”

“She flew over from Barcelona two days ago”, Diana told. “Mamá, there you are!”

Aramis’ grandmother, señora Adriana Guerrero, looked up from the pie she was cutting in squares and smiled at Aramis. She put down the knife and hugged Aramis like only a grandmother could.

“Congratulations, my darling”, she said. “Now where is the lucky man who got my grandson’s heart? I have to greet and congratulate him too.”

“I think he’s in the living room”, Aramis said. “You’ll recognise him; he’s the tallest person in the room.”

Adriana smiled and squeezed Aramis’ hands as she left the kitchen and walked to the living room. Aramis looked confusedly at Diana.

“I didn’t think she would be so accepting”, he whispered. “I was almost prepared for her to not want to see me…”

“I reminded her that my brother never married because he couldn’t marry the man he loved and that mother still loved him”, Diana explained. At Aramis’ surprised expression she added, “Antonio never married him but they live together and act like an old married couple. He and Emilio are married in every other way but officially.”

“You never told me about that”, Aramis whispered. “Why does Emilio never come over when uncle Antonio comes over?”

“I don’t really know”, Diana said. “Maybe he’s afraid of our reactions… I wasn’t very mature when I first met him and said some very hurtful things to him.”

“Please invite him over when you invite uncle Antonio here the next time”, Aramis said. “I’d love to meet him one day.”

Aramis took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves as he began decorating the little cookies that weren’t decorated yet. He began to absentmindedly sing some songs from Lucia’s DVDs while working. Diana first began singing along but suddenly stopped and stared at Aramis.

“Diana, what is it?” asked Adriana who had returned to the kitchen.

“He hasn’t sung like this in years”, Diana whispered. “I hadn’t realised until now…”

“It means he’s happier and getting better”, Adriana said. “Aramis, little one, go back to your husband; I’ll take care of the decorations.”

Aramis smiled sheepishly and unrolled his sleeves and put his jacket back on. He then walked back to the living room where he was greeted with a kiss on his temple by Porthos and a hug from Sylvie who had just arrived.

“Your grandmother is kind of amazing”, Porthos said. “Eighty years old and still flying over from Barcelona…”

“She is”, Aramis agreed. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me to protect you and make you happy”, Porthos said. “And that you would do the same.”

Aramis smiled at Porthos and then went to greet his father in the backyard. Porthos went to the old piano and opened the lid. Constance’s smiled and she went to get Aramis back inside while Porthos quietly tested the keys. Mercedes had promised to get the piano tuned for the wedding and the keys were indeed perfectly in tune.

“What is it?” Aramis asked when Constance led him back inside. “What is it that you – oh!”

“You play piano, Porthos?” Athos asked.

“I do”, Porthos said and turned to look at Aramis. “I, uh – I wanted to give you a little surprise for today and Constance kindly let me practice with her piano and uh… This is for you.”

Aramis sat down on the sofa next to the piano when Porthos began playing. Aramis soon recognised the song Porthos played and smiled. Porthos was playing Elton John’s _Your Song_ and began singing after a few chords. Aramis shivered and blinked his eyes; he had always thought _Your Song_ was a sappy love song but suddenly when Porthos was playing it, it was the sweetest and loveliest song Aramis had ever heard. Porthos’ deep voice somehow made the song even better; it was somehow gentler and so full of love.

When the song ended, everyone was applauding and Porthos blushed. He looked at Aramis whose eyes shone and he was smiling so widely that Porthos thought his face could split. He stood up and gathered Aramis into his arms, making Aramis laugh.

“I love you”, Porthos whispered into Aramis’ hair.

“I love you too”, Aramis said and kissed Porthos. Constance somehow managed to get another photo of them kissing.

“Am I late?” asked a voice from the door and Porthos and Aramis turned to look at the source of the voice and recognised Charon, a good friend of Porthos’.

“Not at all”, Porthos laughed. He went to hug Charon and looked around. “Where’s Flea?”

“Well, Flea and I were coming here together with Madame Sauveterre”, Charon said, “but the car broke down a few blocks away. They sent me here to tell the news while Flea is trying to fix the car…”

“Is it still the same car?” Porthos asked and Charon nodded. “How _old_ is that car? She should be getting a new one…”

“It’s old”, Charon said and grinned. “Anyway, Flea said she’ll call me if they can’t fix the car in which case they’ll walk here and call someone to get the car away. Do they have phone books here? I’ll have to find a repair shop’s number in case Flea can’t fix the car…”

“I'll go get them”, Aramis said and went to the kitchen to look for the phone books. Adriana looked at him and smiled.

“You’ve found yourself quite the man”, she said.

“I have”, Aramis said and smiled at himself. He picked up the phone books and carried them to Charon. Charon thanked him and began looking for the phone number of the repair shops in Douai.

The guests began to find their way to the house. There was a steady stream of congratulating relatives and family friends and soon all the guests were in the house or in the backyard. Lucia ran to hug Aramis and tell Aramis how Anne had almost gotten lost on the small roads. Aramis laughed and lifter Lucia up and began carrying her around on his hip.

“Congratulations”, Anne said when she finally reached Aramis and Porthos. “I’m so happy for you two.”

Anne handed Aramis a small package and kissed Aramis’ cheek. Aramis looked at the package and saw that it was a small book. Aramis opened it and saw photos of him and Porthos that Anne had taken during the years. Lucia was also in many of the photos, always smiling or running around. In one particular photo, Aramis was running behind Lucia while Porthos was running behind the two. Aramis smiled at the photos and the little memories Anne and Lucia had written next to them. He showed the book to Porthos who chuckled at the photos.

Everyone went about to get some food and settle wherever they wanted. Some sat on the sofa while some stood. Lucia had decided that Athos’ lap was the best place and wouldn’t leave even when Athos stood up to give the speech he had forgotten on his dining table. Athos managed to manoeuvre Lucia so that she was sitting on his shoulders.

“Um… Could everyone give me their attention for a moment, please?” Athos asked and almost everyone turned to look at him. “Thank you. So, since it’s kind of a wedding tradition et cetera that the best man – which I apparently am – gives a speech during the wedding, Aramis and Porthos asked me to do so. Problem is, I did write a great speech – and I forgot it on my dining table. There it sits on my dining table and here I am and I’ll have to improvise the speech so do forgive me if I seem to forget what I’m supposed to say. I probably have.”

Everyone laughed and Athos smiled sheepishly. Aramis grinned and gave Athos thumbs up; he was doing really well so far.

“I actually met Aramis and Porthos on the same day”, Athos told. “Aramis was the new coroner and Porthos was assigned as my partner in a case with a one-handed corpse – we did find the other hand; the murderer had taken it. So, when we went to the morgue, we met this ‘insanely good-looking’ coroner as Porthos said it. I believe I called him scruffy-looking. Anyway, Aramis was supposed to perform an autopsy for the one-handed corpse and asked us whether we could wait for him to perform it and for some reason unknown to me, we decided to stay and watch him performing the said autopsy and in the middle of it, Porthos knocked down the one-handed man’s liver that was on a tray. Understandably, Aramis wasn’t very happy about it.”

Aramis laughed. He remembered the way he had cursed when the liver had fallen down; he had been in the morgue for three hours and had already messed up. He had been sure he’d be sacked for the mistake.

“That evening Porthos asked Aramis if he’d want Porthos to take him out for some pizza as an apology”, Athos continued. “After that, they became very good friends and Porthos being Porthos somehow managed to form a group of friends between himself, me and Aramis. We began having movie nights together because Aramis somehow always had a film he wanted to see. When d’Artagnan began working with us, he became a part of our group of friends as well. About three and a half years into our friendship, I began to notice Porthos showing signs that he really cared for Aramis and possibly had a huge crush on him. I never brought it up to Porthos because one thing I cannot do well is to talk about feelings. However, I began to look for those signs in Aramis too.”

Aramis looked at Porthos in surprise. Had he really kept quiet all those months? Had Porthos maybe thought that Aramis wouldn’t answer his feelings?

“After four or so years into our friendship, we suddenly decided to pull an impromptu Lord of the Rings marathon one Friday evening”, Athos said and breathed deeply before continuing. Aramis grabbed Porthos’ hand for support. “That evening was the first time I realised Aramis probably returned those feelings Porthos had. Aramis was basically laying on top of Porthos while Porthos was playing with Aramis’ hair. I remember looking at them jealously because of how gentle they were with each other. Somehow that evening seemed too perfect which was confirmed the next morning.”

Porthos squeezed Aramis’ fingers. They had agreed with Athos that Athos could openly tell the guests about Aramis’ struggles because they’d been one thing that made Aramis and Porthos get together eventually.

“The following morning, we found out that during that movie marathon, Aramis had been planning to kill himself”, Athos told. Porthos wrapped his arm around Aramis’ shoulders as some of the guests gasped quietly. “It was only by luck that Porthos managed to stop Aramis from jumping down from the balcony. I had never seen Aramis so broken as he was when he began telling us why he had tried to kill himself. I had never thought that someone as strong as Aramis could be as broken as he was. He had always given us smiles so easily and showed emotion so freely and suddenly we found out it had all been acting.”

Athos tried to cough subtly and blinked his eyes. He took a steadying breath before continuing.

“That morning d’Artagnan and I left Aramis and Porthos alone for a moment to get breakfast for all four of us”, Athos said. “When we returned, Porthos promptly told us that he and Aramis were together. I think it shocked d’Artagnan more than it shocked me. Somehow Porthos’ pleased smile made the whole thing better. Aramis was still in a horrible mental state but somehow a thing that seemed very little, had made everything a bit better. I could see Aramis was a bit happier just from the way he leaned on Porthos.”

Athos blinked again and made a sound that sounded surprisingly like a sniffle. When he continued, he was looking straight into Aramis’ eyes.

“Aramis and Porthos have been the steadiest forces in my life ever since I became a police officer”, Athos told. “Without them, I would probably have drunk myself dead or something and seeing them this happy today almost makes my heart burst. Four months ago there was an evening when I thought I had destroyed all that happiness. Porthos and I had gone to arrest suspects in a case we were on and… a building collapsed on Porthos. Everyone thought he had died and I went to tell Aramis and that evening was the most dreadful one I’d had in a while. I had never in my life been as relieved as when Porthos came home to see Aramis after all that. When Porthos suddenly proposed to Aramis, I thought I was dreaming.”

Athos coughed again. Aramis was becoming fairly sure that Athos was about to cry.

“I’m so happy for Aramis and Porthos that I don’t have words for it”, Athos said. “I’m so proud of them for coming all this way that I might burst. If there is any kind of higher force out there, I pray for that force to let Aramis and Porthos be happy for as long as they live and that they live long and fulfilling life together. If anyone, it’s them who deserve to be happy. I’m really proud of you two. It’s your day; enjoy it.”

Athos quietened and blinked his eyes. It took the guests a moment to understand Athos’ speech was over and it wasn’t until Aramis had walked to Athos to hug him that someone called for a toast for Aramis and Porthos.

“Thank you, Athos”, Aramis whispered. Athos sniffled and laughed wetly. “Are you crying?”

“Spring allergies”, Athos mumbled.

“Right”, Aramis said, “Spring allergies.”

Aramis let go of Athos and Sylvie gave a handkerchief to Athos. Athos protested, saying he just had some Spring allergies but accepted the handkerchief anyway.

“That was a great speech”, Sylvie said. Athos nodded and blinked again.

The reception continued. Lucia decided that she absolutely wanted to dance with Athos so Athos had to dance with her. Aramis and Sylvie were quite sure Athos’ back wouldn’t appreciate dancing with such a small person the next morning. Aramis finally managed to talk with Madame Sauveterre whom he instantly liked. She invited him and Porthos over for the next Christmas and warned them that she had few very small foster children living with her. She also praised the cake and cookies, saying that they were the best she had ever eaten. It was then that Adriana realised that there was another old woman celebrating and promptly walked to Madame Sauveterre and struck up a conversation with her. Aramis went to sit next to his mother on the sofa.

“It’s such a great day”, Diana said and looked around. “I’m so glad that you two decided to get married…”

“I can’t believe he chose me of all the people”, Aramis admitted. Diana was about to say something when she suddenly drew in a sharp breath and put her hand over her chest. Aramis looked at her with a worried expression. “What is it, mamá?”

“I’ve had these weird chest pains lately”, Diana said. “I went to see a doctor but she wasn’t sure what it was so she referred me to another doctor. I’ll see that doctor next week.”

“I hope it’s not anything bad”, Aramis said. Diana smiled and hugged him.

“Don’t worry about me today”, she said. “Today is for you and Porthos. Go celebrate with him.”

Aramis smiled and stood up to go to Porthos. When he found Porthos, he kissed his cheek and somehow Constance managed to get another photo of them kissing. Porthos looked at Constance for a moment and then smiled wickedly. He put his arm around Aramis’ waist and bended Aramis back as he kissed him. Aramis blushed when he felt Porthos’ tongue in his mouth and he grabbed Porthos’ arms so that he wouldn’t fall down in case his legs would decide to stop working.

“Did you get that?” Porthos asked and smiled at Constance when he let go of Aramis.

“Oh, I sure did”, Constance said and grinned. “So far, this has been the best photo of today.”

“How many photos have you taken today?” Aramis asked.

“About six hundred”, Constance said. “There are a few videos as well. I’ll print out the best photos for you.”

“Thanks”, Aramis said and smiled. Constance hugged him and Porthos again and smiled at them.

“This has been such an awesome day” she said. “I’m so happy for both of you.”

“I’m so happy people are so accepting”, Aramis said. “I honestly couldn’t possibly imagine that my grandmother of all people would accept me marrying another man…”

“Sometimes people surprise you in a good way”, Porthos said and flung his arm over Aramis’ shoulder. Aramis leaned into the warmth and sighed contently.

When the sun began setting slowly, people started to leave. Flea had gone to the repair shop to rent a car for herself, Charon and Madame Sauveterre so they’d get back to Paris. Captain Treville, who had come to congratulate Aramis and Porthos briefly and who had stayed a bit longer was also leaving after his third piece of the wedding cake. Anne was ushering Lucia to go say bye to Aramis before they’d drive back to Paris.

“Is Porthos my father now?” Lucia asked when Aramis knelt in front of her. Aramis smiled widely and lifted her on his hip and stood up.

“He can be if you want to call him that”, Aramis said. “Should we ask him?”

“Yes!” Lucia said and nodded eagerly. Aramis walked to Porthos and poked his shoulder.

“Lucia wants to know if you’re her father now”, Aramis said and Porthos smiled at Lucia.

“I can be if you want me to be”, Porthos said. “Do you want me to be your father?”

“Yup”, Lucia said with a huge smile. “Now I have papá and papá Porthos.”

“Lucia, we should be going soon!” Anne called from the door. Lucia waved at Porthos and Aramis carried Lucia to Anne.

“Thanks for coming today”, Aramis said.

“I wouldn’t have wanted to miss your wedding”, Anne said and smiled kindly at Aramis. “I’m kind of sad we couldn’t work out but when I see you this happy, I completely understand why you chose Porthos. I wish you will be happy. Both of you.”

Anne hugged Aramis and then lifted Lucia up. Lucia waved at Aramis and Aramis smiled at the two when they walked to Anne’s car.

“That’s all of the guests gone, then?” Oscar asked. “Athos, d’Artagnan and Constance will stay here for the night as will you, Porthos, Mercedes, Sofia and Adriana.”

“Yes”, Aramis answered quietly. Oscar smiled and swooped Aramis into a hug.

“Let’s open one bottle of wine”, Oscar said. “Let’s celebrate just a little longer. I want to celebrate my little boy who’s all grown up and married now.”

“Let’s do so”, Aramis whispered. Oscar let go of Aramis and went to the kitchen to collect some wine glasses and get a bottle of wine for all of them. Aramis walked to Porthos and leaned on him.

“We did well”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ head.

“Yes, we did”, Aramis whispered and accepted the glass of wine Oscar handed him. When everyone had their respective glasses of wine, Oscar took a deep breath and looked at everyone.

“I won’t give a speech or anything”, Oscar said, “I just want to say a few words. When I heard of the massacre at Savoy, I was so afraid that our little René had died there. When I got the call that he was alive but in critical condition, I couldn’t be happier. I remember driving all the way to the hospital where René was in Savoy. I will forever remember how small and fragile he looked on that hospital bed. I stayed with him until he was to be moved to Paris which is when I drove all the way back to Paris. When they released him from the hospital, I stayed with him for the first few weeks to make sure he would be alright. I never realised that he wasn’t alright until he hadn’t talked to any of us for a year. And then suddenly five years after the massacre, René begins to talk to us more and more and introduces Porthos to us as his boyfriend. I have never met a man better than Porthos and it is an honour to call him my son-in-law. And now here we have my son who is recovering from the emotional baggage of the massacre and my son-in-law who saved my son. I couldn’t honestly imagine a better couple; they love each other so much and so purely that I find myself wishing they could live forever so that love would never have to die. Congratulations, you two.”

Everyone raised their glasses and drank their wine. Everyone started talking quietly and Aramis followed the scene. It was all he could ever wish for; a happy family. When he realised that both he and Porthos had emptied their glasses, he quietly tugged on Porthos’ arm and motioned at the door to the backyard. Porthos smiled and nodded and so they snuck out into the backyard and turned on the small lamp so they could see around. Porthos put his hands around Aramis like he’d lead Aramis in a waltz and they began swaying in the gentle breeze. Aramis leaned his head on the crook of Porthos’ neck and smiled contently.

“This couldn’t be any more perfect”, Porthos whispered. “God, I love you so much.”

“And I love you”, Aramis whispered and sniffled. Porthos looked down at Aramis’ face and noticed a stray tear on his cheek.

“What is it?” Porthos asked.

“I’m so happy”, Aramis whispered. “And I love you so much that I think I might burst soon.”

Porthos smiled and kissed Aramis’ hair. Constance snapped another photo of them from the door.

They couldn’t be any happier than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapter are always welcomed, loved and cherished.


	18. Louise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this chapter was given by my amazing friend Mega07Ghost :D
> 
> Sorry for the short lack of updates, I had no ideas what to write next and today my word decided it was a great time to not work so I had to sacrifice some of my writing quality by writing in google drive which feels so wrong at the moment :"D However, I hope you can enjoy the chapter!
> 
> (I know I have one prompt waiting for me, I just haven't got a good idea for it yet...)

**Aramis [18.36]**   
Porthos can you go pick some dog food and cups for a dog to eat from?

**Porthos [18.38]**   
What?  
Dog food  
Why?  
Aramis what have you done now?

**Aramis [18.39]  
** I found a stray dog and took it to the vet  
I don’t wanna have it put down  
I kinda adopted it  
It was so hurt and lost  
Someone had abandoned it and hurt it

**Porthos [18.42]  
** Fine, I’ll go get what you need  
You come home with the dog

Porthos sighed. Never had he even in his wildest dreams imagined that Aramis would just pick up a stray dog and decide to adopt it. He picked up his keys and started walking to the nearest pet store to buy what Aramis needed for the new family member and then to the nearest supermarket to buy some food for himself and Aramis. Aramis had realised that Porthos probably needed to know what kind of food the dog needed and had texted Porthos, telling him that the dog was a medium-sized mongrel and most likely female.

“You look exhausted”, commented the cashier in the supermarket. “Has something happened?”

“My husband got a dog”, Porthos muttered. The cashier looked surprised and raised his eyebrows.

“Your husband got a dog?” he asked. “Just like that?”

“Yup”, Porthos said and paid for his groceries. “Just like that. Said the dog looked so hurt he had to help the dog.”

“I see”, the cashier said and laughed. “Good luck with your new dog, then.”

“Thanks”, Porthos said and collected the groceries to his bag. He then began the walk back home, thinking about Aramis’ messages earlier. Somehow it had sounded like the dog had been more of a person than an animal. Porthos chuckled; Aramis did have a soft spot for anything that looked sad and abandoned. Maybe they reminded him of himself after Savoy.

Oh, how Porthos wished Aramis had never had to go through the massacre and its aftermath. Although he knew that if Aramis hadn’t been caught in all that, he and Porthos may never have met, Porthos still wished Aramis could have avoided it. A slight pang of guilt hit his chest; would he really give up all the happiness he and Aramis had for another life for Aramis?

When Porthos opened the front door, he could see Aramis had come home. Porthos looked into the living room and saw Aramis sitting on the floor and letting a dog sniff him. Aramis slowly lifted his hand near the dog and let the dog get closer to the hand. Porthos smiled at the sight; the dog seemed to trust Aramis even though it had most likely been treated horribly before.

“I’m home”, Porthos called quietly. The dog instantly looked at Porthos and backed by a few steps. Porthos walked to Aramis and sat down, looking at the dog. “Has it got a name yet?”

“Her name is Louise”, Aramis said and extended his hand to Louise. “Come here, Louise.”

Louise carefully walked to Aramis and sniffed his hand. She then looked at Porthos and sniffed him. Porthos slowly stroked her head and fur and she wiggled her tail.

“She likes you”, Aramis said with a smile. “Did you get food for her?”

“I did”, Porthos said. “I asked the boy in the shop to give me recommendations. He said this has much nutrients and is good for a dog Louise’s size. I also bought some treats and two big cups for water and food...”

Aramis was smiling brightly at Porthos. He had been worried that Porthos wouldn’t like the idea of getting a dog, especially when Aramis hadn’t thought  _ at all _ . He had just gone to help the dog that looked injured and scared because it had immediately reminded him of Savoy and the horrors of the hours before anyone had saved him.

“Thanks for helping”, Aramis said. “I’m sorry for doing this so suddenly.”

“It’s fine; you wanted to help the poor dog”, Porthos said and stood up. The bag with all the food and other essentials for Louise slipped from his hands and fell on the floor, making a loud noise. Louise recoiled and backed to the corner of the room. “Shit”, Porthos cursed. “I’m so sorry...”

“It’s okay”, Aramis said and looked at Louise. “Shh, Louise, it’s alright...”

Porthos left the living room to place Louise’s cups in the kitchen and make some space in one of the cupboards for Louise’s things. Louise’s reaction to the noise produced by the falling bag had reminded Porthos of one of the kids in the foster home. The girl Louise reminded Porthos of had always jumped up from even the smallest noise and started crying when someone shouted. She had once told Porthos how her mother had beaten her after her father had died and no one had been there to stop the mother. Porthos wondered how the girl was doing; she had been few years older than Porthos and had run away from the foster home weeks before Porthos was moved to Madame Sauveterre’s.

When Porthos placed the cups on the floor after placing a few used newspaper pages to cover the floor, Louise walked to the kitchen to examine the new objects on the floor. Porthos smiled at the dog and opened the bag of treats and gave one to Louise.

“Don’t tell Aramis about this”, Porthos said in a hushed voice and scratched behind Louise’s ear. “Who’s a good girl?”

“I saw”, Aramis said from behind Porthos, sounding like he was about to laugh. “We should probably feed her, she got some food at the vet but he said she needs more. Not very much just yet.”

Aramis took the bag of food from Porthos and poured some food for Louise in one of the cups. The other he filled with cold water and placed it next to the food. Louise immediately attacked the food.

“What kind of monster hurts a defenseless animal like this?” Porthos muttered. “She’s so frightened, poor thing...”

“We’ll help her now”, Aramis said. “Did you get any food for us? I completely forgot we need to eat too...”

“I did, don’t worry”, Porthos laughed. “I brought some frozen fish fillets and potatoes so we just need to warm them up.”

“Well thank god someone here has the brain to feed us”, Aramis said, smiling sheepishly and stroking Louise’s fur. Porthos, being the one with all the food, began warming up the fish and boiling the potatoes. Aramis went to the linen cupboard in search for blankets for Louise to sleep on before they’d find a fitting basket for her. When the fish and potatoes were ready, Porthos set out the dishes and called Aramis to eat. Aramis walked to the kitchen with Louise in tow, making Porthos laugh.

“You certainly have your way with ladies”, Porthos remarked, making Aramis blush. Aramis sat down and picked up his fork and knife and began eating while Louise looked intently at Aramis’ food.

“Louise darling I can’t give you this”, Aramis said, “I don’t know if it’s healthy for a dog...”

Louise tilted her head and looked at Aramis. Porthos chuckled; he had never thought puppy eyes would work on Aramis.

Later on the evening when they’d eaten, Aramis and Porthos were lazily lying on the sofa, Aramis partially on top of Porthos and Porthos playing with Aramis’ hair. Louise was lying on her pile of blankets and looking at the two new humans.

“Why did you name her Louise?” Porthos asked suddenly. “Is there a story behind the name?”

“I always wanted to call my firstborn Louise”, Aramis whispered.

“And instead you called your firstborn Lucia and your dog Louise”, Porthos said and chuckled. Aramis stiffened a little and inhaled deeply.

“I did name my firstborn Louise”, Aramis whispered. “She just… she wasn’t born alive...”

“What?” Porthos asked. “Oh god, Aramis. I’m so sorry, I didn’t...”

“You couldn’t have known”, Aramis whispered. “I was seventeen and after it happened, I never talked about it to anyone until my father had to drive miles to find me and drag me back home...”

“Do… do you want to tell me about it?” Porthos asked quietly.

“I don’t know what there is to tell”, Aramis admitted. “I was seventeen and dating this nice girl called Isabelle. She got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby… She was maybe seven months pregnant when the waters came out… The baby was born dead and when I went to see her in hospital, she said she never wanted to see me anymore… So I went to bury the little baby alone and cried myself to sleep. A week later I went to look for Isabelle and my father found out about everything. I think I’d never cried and screamed as much as I did when my father carried me back home...”

“Oh, my darling”, Porthos whispered. “I’m so sorry… Where is she buried?”

“In Douai”, Aramis whispered with a thick voice. “In the forest we always go for our Christmas walk… I buried her there, not too far from our walking route… The grave is impossible to find in dark.”

“How did you get the body from the hospital?” Porthos asked.

“I knew the nurse”, Aramis whispered. “I begged and begged for her to let me take the body away. I think she couldn’t watch me crying so she let me have her body...”

“We should go visit her grave one day”, Porthos mumbled as he gathered Aramis into a hug. Aramis sniffled and nodded as Porthos kissed his temple.

“I love you”, Aramis whispered. Louise was looking at her new humans, content that they were alright even though the thinner was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	19. Innocent Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild chapter appears! I got the idea for this from Lady_Neve but I think I covered the prompt only partially :"D
> 
> Starting on Monday, I won't be able to update as regularly as my summer job finally begins :"D I'll try to continue writing, tho...

“Papá, where did the scars on your arms come from?”

Lucia’s innocent question stopped Aramis completely. Aramis had been playing his guitar absentmindedly while Lucia had been sitting on the living room floor and playing with a toy car and an animal figure while Louise looked at her with great interest. Porthos’ heart sunk at the look Aramis gave him; he had no idea how to explain to Lucia what depression and being suicidal meant. Lucia had always been a very intuitive child and she had always been able to tell when her father was sad or needed something to make him happier but she was still just a child. Aramis placed his guitar on the sofa and knelt down next to Lucia.

“Sometimes when people are very sad”, Aramis said, “they stop feeling anything. They can’t feel happy or sad or anything and sometimes they try to hurt themselves so that they could feel something… When I was younger, that happened to me too.”

“Will I be sad like that someday?” Lucia asked while she touched Aramis’ scars gently.

“God, I hope not”, Aramis whispered. “If you feel sad, you can always come talk to me and I’ll try to make you happier…”

“Did you have no one to go to?” Lucia asked and looked at Aramis with her big, dark brown eyes. “Didn’t you know Porthos then?”

“I did”, Aramis said and looked to the ground. Porthos’ heart sunk when he realised how new the scars actually were. “I was kind of afraid people would think I was being stupid so I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“But everyone should have someone to help when they’re sad!” Lucia protested and hugged Aramis. “People shouldn’t have to be lonely for being scared!”

Aramis hugged Lucia and rocked back and forth as Lucia sniffled. He couldn’t understand how a being that young and small could be so comforting and understanding. Louise sniffed Lucia, making her giggle.

“Ah, but I’m feeling better now”, Aramis said and smiled at Lucia. “I have you and Porthos and many good friends and I’ve had much help for everything. You won’t have to worry about me…”

“And you have Louise too!” Lucia said and smiled. “We’ll keep you happy so you won’t have any new scars.”

“Thank you”, Aramis said and stood up to walk back to the sofa. He picked up his guitar and continued playing absentmindedly while Porthos looked at him with a warm smile.

Aramis’ physical scars had faded with time. There were the self-inflicted scars in his arms that he still sometimes picked on moments of great stress or anxiety and the scar on his temple that he had got from Savoy. The scar on Aramis’ temple rarely bothered him and so Porthos only had to keep an eye on his self-inflicted scars.

Aramis’ mental scars, however, hadn’t still healed. Porthos knew that Aramis still had moments of utter desperation when he wanted to inflict most harm onto himself. Just a week prior Aramis had almost been hit by a car when he had not looked around before crossing a road. Before that, Aramis had climbed a tree to save a child’s kite and another’s kitten and almost fallen from the tree.

Aramis also had a bad habit of not taking care of himself when he was hurt. He had hit his head once and it had started bleeding and all Aramis had done about it had been stopping the bleeding but otherwise leaving the laceration alone, hoping it would be fine after a while. When Porthos had found out about it, he had promptly carried a protesting Aramis to the bathroom and taken a better look at the laceration and then cleaned it and wrapped it (“Only for the night, Aramis, so that there are no infections. You can wash it in the morning.”)

Sometimes Porthos’ heart ached for Aramis. He was almost sure that there would be someone better suited to take care of Aramis than himself but he had no idea how to find such a person. Aramis was the person who made Porthos the happiest man in the world and he was not sure he would ever be able to let Aramis go completely. He didn’t want to lose Aramis and that was the root of the whole problem; he wished that he could find someone who was better suited to take care of Aramis but he didn’t want to let go of Aramis.

“You’re awfully quiet, Porthos”, Aramis commented, “Is something wrong?”

“I was just thinking”, Porthos commented.

“Well, leave that armchair and come think next to me”, Aramis said, tapping the empty area next to him. “What should I play next?”

“Play _Circle of Life_ ”, Porthos said as he walked to Aramis. “I like it when you play it.”

Aramis leaned back to lean on Porthos’ chest while he played. Lucia giggled and started singing along while Aramis played. It was a cacophony of sounds which Porthos enjoyed. Aramis had hardly sung or played anything when they first had got to know each other but he had gradually become more open and had started singing more and more. Porthos loved the way Aramis sang; his vocal range was wide enough to sing higher notes than Porthos had first thought.

Porthos wrapped his arms around Aramis’ waist, making him jump slightly. Sofia had told Porthos that Aramis had always been jumpy but jumpier after Savoy. Porthos inwardly winced and leaned his head over Aramis’. Aramis began playing _Concerning Hobbits_ and humming along.

“Where is that song from?” Lucia asked curiously. Louise had put her head on Lucia’s lap and Lucia was scratching her head.

“It’s from Lord of the Rings”, Porthos said. “It’s your father’s favourite book.”

“Can you read it to me?” Lucia asked. “Or can I read it?”

“You’re a bit young to read it”, Aramis said, “but I could read The Hobbit to you. It’s a long story but we can read one chapter per evening as your bed time story.”

“What’s it about?” Lucia asked.

“Well, thirteen dwarves want to go get back their home which is a big mountain near a lake”, Aramis explained. “Gandalf the wizard takes Bilbo Baggins – who is the main character – with himself and the dwarves to go back to the mountain. And there’s a dragon in the mountain.”

“Wow”, Lucia sighed. “Please read it to me, papá, please!”

“I’ll go find it”, Aramis said and stood up to walk to the bookshelves which were mostly full of Aramis’ books but there were a few books Porthos had gotten from Madame Sauveterre. Aramis soon found his edition of The Hobbit and picked it up. He opened it and smiled.

“Do you want me to read to you now?” Aramis asked, smiling fondly.

“Yes!” Lucia answered and nodded eagerly. Aramis chuckled at her and Louise.

“In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit”, Aramis began reading. Porthos wrapped his arms around Aramis again and listened to Aramis’ voice as he reconstructed the tale of The Hobbit. Lucia listened intently and continued petting Louise’s head. Aramis’ voice conjured up images of the dwarves and how they ate all of Bilbo’s food. (To Porthos, the loss of Bilbo’s food had been the greatest tragedy of the book.)

The first chapter was over way too soon and Lucia pleaded Aramis to read more. Aramis laughed and promised to read the next chapter for her as her bedtime story. Lucia pouted for a moment but then returned to her playing. Aramis leaned back on Porthos’ shoulder and turned his head so he could see Porthos’ face.

“You’re awfully quiet today”, Aramis said. “Is something on your mind?”

“Kind of”, Porthos said. “Lucia’s question just made me wonder…”

“Wonder about what?” Aramis asked, smiling at Porthos so very fondly.

“Whether or not I deserve you”, Porthos mumbled. Aramis gave Porthos a sad look and took his hand in a gentle hold.

“I don’t think it’s about deserving”, Aramis whispered. “I think it’s about who you love the most and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. And you happen to be my answer for both of those questions.”

“God, I love you, Aramis”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ hair. Aramis smiled softly and noticed Lucia watching them and wrinkling her nose.

“Kissing”, she muttered. “Yuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ideas, thoughts and opinions are always welcomed, loved and cherished!


	20. After the attempted jumping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always felt I never really handled the aftermath of Aramis' suicide attempt so I wrote this :"D It's mostly fluffy but there's some bone-deep despair as well.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it!

“You should stay here for tonight”, Porthos mumbled. “I can drive you to work tomorrow…”

Athos eyed Porthos and Aramis from the corner he had propped himself up on the sofa. D’Artagnan had left hours before, telling he had a meeting with Constance and saying that should anything happen, they could call him. Aramis looked slightly better than he had right after his breakdown but he still looked outright miserable. His eyes were red and he was trembling slightly. He was biting his bottom lip and leaning on Porthos’ shoulder while Porthos played with his hair.

As if Aramis’ suicide attempt hadn’t been enough to take in that day, as soon as d’Artagnan and Athos had returned from the Boulangerie, Porthos had announced that he and Aramis were together. (Athos had begun thinking he was too old to keep up with his younger friends.) Aramis had been completely curled up against Porthos’ side, hiding his face when Porthos had made the announcement. Athos had thought he had still been crying but instead he had seen Aramis half-asleep, seeking safety from being almost hidden behind Porthos’ frame.

“I shouldn’t make you look after me like this”, Aramis muttered. His voice was so hollow that Athos couldn’t help his heart aching a little; he wished he could physically take all the pain away from Aramis. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“But here’s the thing”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ hair again, “I want to take care of you. I want to be there to see you getting better.”

“I don’t deserve that”, Aramis whispered. “Not after I tried to jump.”

“None of that now, Aramis”, Porthos whispered as he held Aramis tighter. Aramis covered his mouth with his hand as new tears sprung to his eyes. “You deserve love as much as anyone else and I want to help you and make sure you’ll be happier again.”

“But what if I can’t?” Aramis whispered through his tears, breaking Athos’ heart a little bit more. “What if I can’t be helped and be happy?”

“I can’t believe that a person like you would be outside help”, Porthos said. “You’re kind and always the first one who tries to help people; let us help you. Besides, I really want to spend time with you.”

“And you helped me when I thought no one could”, Athos added quietly. “Let us help you; a shared pain is easier to bear.”

“I’ll just let you down”, Aramis whispered. “I always let everyone down; how would you helping me be any different?”

“The only way you could let us down would be not letting yourself be helped”, Athos answered gently. “We want to help. I refuse to believe that you shouldn’t have another chance after we managed to stop you from jumping.”

Aramis dipped his head, trying to hide behind his unruly curls. His shoulders shook as Porthos hugged him from behind.

“Shit”, Aramis whispered. “Sorry. I… I can’t stop the tears now that they’ve begun again.”

“There’s absolutely no shame in that”, Porthos whispered as he moved Aramis so that Aramis was resting his head on Porthos’ shoulder and could return Porthos’ hug. Aramis was still biting his bottom lip while half of his face was hidden by Porthos’ neck.

“I should get some food for us”, Athos said suddenly. “We need to eat and then we have to talk. I’ll borrow your keys and go get us something. Is there anything you two would like?”

“Something cheap”, Aramis muttered. “I’ll pay you back…”

“Aramis”, Athos sighed, “I have enough money to buy this apartment ten times at least. You know you’ll never have to pay me back anything I buy for you or Porthos or d’Artagnan. Please tell me what you really want me to get you.”

“I’d love some sushi”, Aramis whispered. “I’m sorry for making you do all this…”

“You haven’t made me do anything”, Athos said and smiled sadly at Aramis. “I’m doing this because I want to.”

Athos left the apartment, leaving Aramis and Porthos alone. Porthos turned on the radio to have some background noise and to relax Aramis a bit. He was still awfully rigid, like a caged animal. Suddenly there was a cracking sound outside and Aramis’ head shot up.

“What is it?” Porthos asked. He was holding Aramis’ hand and gently moving his thumb over Aramis’ knuckles.

“Sounded like distant gunfire”, Aramis mumbled. “How far did Athos go?”

“The nearest supermarket is pretty far”, Porthos said. “And I guess he’ll get the sushi from somewhere else so I guess he’s far.”

“Good”, Aramis whispered and leaned on Porthos’ chest.

“Can I kiss you?” Porthos asked suddenly without thinking. Aramis let go of Porthos and leaned back so he could give Porthos a surprised look.

“What?” he asked dumbly. “Why… You already… Oh! Yes.”

Porthos chuckled and leaned over to kiss Aramis. Aramis stiffened a bit at first but then relaxed and smiled goofily while still kissing Porthos. When Porthos pulled away, Aramis ducked his head, trying to hide his blush and smile.

“That was nice”, Porthos said. “You’re smiling.”

“Yes”, Aramis mumbled. “It was nice…”

“Come here”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis again. He then moved down to kiss the side of Aramis’ neck, making Aramis squirm and giggle; he was more ticklish than Porthos had thought. They gradually slid down on the sofa that Aramis was laying on his back while Porthos was partially on top of him.

“You’re really ticklish”, Porthos said as he looked down at Aramis’ blushing face. He manoeuvred them both so that Porthos was laying on his side against the back rest and holding Aramis so that he wouldn’t fall off the sofa. “It’s kind of cute.”

“It’s not when your sisters take advantage of it”, Aramis muttered, still blushing.

“You have sisters?” Porthos asked. “You’ve never mentioned them really…”

“Two older sisters”, Aramis told, “they’re called Sofia and Mercedes. They can be devils when they want to…”

“I can imagine that”, Porthos said and gave Aramis a flashing smile. “I never had any real siblings but I always wished I had sisters… I don’t suppose you could introduce me to your sister one day? As your boyfriend, of course.”

“I suppose I could”, Aramis whispered, blushing almost scarlet. Porthos smiled and brushed some of Aramis’ hair behind his ear. “I just… haven’t seen them in a while…”

“Take your time”, Porthos said, still smiling fondly. “Your recovery is the most important thing right now.”

The door opened and closed and soon Athos appeared into the living room. He took one look at Aramis and Porthos and took his phone in his hand. When Aramis realised Athos was going to take a photo, he quickly hid his head on Porthos’ chest while Porthos grinned widely.

“That was a cute look”, Athos said. “I got some sushi for Aramis and chicken salad for Porthos and myself and some cinnamon rolls for dessert because they looked delicious. We can probably eat here in the living room?”

“Sure”, Porthos said as he sat up and helped Aramis up as well. Aramis took his expensive-looking package of sushi while Porthos took his salad and they began eating while Athos fetched them some water. When he got back to the living room, he chuckled at Aramis and Porthos eating so intently; they had definitely been hungrier than they’d let on. Athos sat down at the free corner of the sofa and began eating.

“So”, Athos said, “tomorrow I’ll get a psychologist appointment for you, Aramis. Are there some days that you absolutely can’t have your appointments on?”

“Most days, I think”, Aramis said. “I could make it on Wednesday mornings; I won’t have to be at work until noon on Wednesdays…”

“Wednesday morning, then”, Athos said. “I can do that. Do you want either of us to come with you?”

“I… I’d like it if I knew one of you was waiting in the waiting room”, Aramis mumbled.

“I can manage that”, Porthos said. “Just tell me when and where and I’ll drive you to the psychologist and wait for you.”

“Thanks”, Aramis said and leaned on Porthos’ shoulder. “I’d love that…”

Athos sighed. Aramis’ recovery could finally begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions & ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	21. The Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wild update appears! My feet and legs ache from all the standing in my job but I finally finished this chapter (I have a lighter one in mind next so please bear through all the darkness here...) I don't know when I'll be able to update but let's hope it's soon :D
> 
> Please enjoy!

The moment Porthos got home, he had a feeling something was off. It had been weeks since Madame d’Herblay had told Aramis and Porthos she had terminal cancer and probably would not live to see Christmas. As soon as Porthos remembered Diana’s words, his heart sunk. Had she already passed away and had Aramis been notified while he’d been home alone? Porthos braced himself and stepped into the living room.

What Porthos saw made his heart ache. Aramis was sitting alone on the grass in the backyard, his head hanging and his back turned to the house. It had been raining heavily for hours and Aramis looked soaked to the bone. Louise was sniffing Aramis’ face and looking at him very sadly. (How did a dog manage to look sad? Porthos wasn’t sure.) Aramis’ phone had been discarded on the sofa in the living room and the back door was completely open and wind was blowing the curtains.

Porthos shuddered and went to retrieve shoes for himself so he could get in the backyard and get Aramis inside. After he’d get Aramis inside, he’d have to dry Aramis up; otherwise Aramis would catch a cold as well as whatever was bothering him at that moment. Porthos walked outside, deliberately making noise so Aramis could hear him approaching and then put his hand on Aramis’ shoulder.

“You should get inside”, Porthos whispered. “Come on, I’ll help you.”

Aramis barely acknowledged Porthos’ presence as Porthos helped him up and walked him back inside. Louise followed the two and shook herself dry when they were inside. Aramis was trembling and leaning his head on Porthos’ shoulder while Porthos led him to the stairs and to the bathroom upstairs. Once they were in the bathroom, Porthos took out a towel from the cupboard and sat Aramis down on the edge of the bathtub. He took off Aramis’ shirt, trousers and socks and began drying Aramis. Aramis was staring at the wall behind Porthos, unblinking and unseeing.

“She died this morning”, Aramis whispered. “I had promised to go see her at home in two days but she died… Last night when I called she said she was excited to see me in two days…”

“When did you find out?” Porthos asked, looking at Aramis’ face that was still dripping wet.

“Papá called me right after I got home”, Aramis told quietly. “Can’t remember how much time has gone after that… It’s all mushy.”

“You usually get home around 5 P.M.”, Porthos said quietly as he moved up to dry Aramis’ torso. “That means you were sitting in that rain for at least over an hour. Maybe almost two.”

“Doesn’t feel like it was that long”, Aramis whispered and shivered suddenly. “How is Louise?”

“She was sitting with you”, Porthos said. “Now she’s sitting outside the bathroom. Come here, girl, I need to dry you too.”

Louise pushed the door open enough to get into the bathroom while Porthos began drying Aramis’ hair. Louise put her head on Aramis’ knee and Aramis scratched her head absentmindedly. Porthos went to find some dry clothes for Aramis to put on while his wet clothes were dumped into the bathtub.

“Here”, Porthos said as he got back into the bathroom with a t-shirt, trousers and woollen socks for Aramis. “Put these on so you won’t get cold. I’ll dry Louise.”

Aramis slowly began putting on the clothes as Porthos began drying Louise’s wet fur. When Louise was finally dry enough, Porthos turned to Aramis who was standing in a corner of the bathroom.

“I should call Anne”, Aramis whispered, “and ask her to tell Lucia that mamá is dead…”

“I can do that”, Porthos said and took Aramis’ hands and kissed his knuckles. Aramis looked at Porthos with the most desperate look he could give.

“I was going to see her in two days”, Aramis repeated. Porthos’ heart sunk even lower and he pulled Aramis into a hug. Aramis was still trembling and Porthos sighed.

“Let’s get back downstairs”, Porthos said. “Do you want me to call anyone and ask if they’re free to come over? Athos maybe? Or Constance or d’Artagnan?”

“Could you call Athos?” Aramis asked. “And… can we order pizza? I can’t really cook now and I don’t want to be alone either…”

“I can”, Porthos said as he walked back downstairs with Aramis. They sat on the sofa with Porthos in the corner and Aramis almost directly on his lap. Aramis leaned his head on Porthos’ shoulder so that he was facing Porthos’ neck. Porthos fished his phone out of his pocket and dialled Athos who agreed to come over in a heartbeat.

“He’ll drive here soon”, Porthos said gently and stroked Aramis’ hair. Aramis sighed and closed his eyes.

“What do I do now?” Aramis whispered.

“You grieve, I think”, Porthos mumbled into Aramis’ hair. “Then Athos and I will help you back on your feet.”

Aramis sighed and sunk deeper into Porthos’ embrace. He felt like his whole body suddenly weighed at least twice as much as it usually weighed. Porthos kissed his hair again and began humming one of the lullabies Aramis always sang for Lucia.

“I feel confused”, Aramis whispered. “It doesn’t feel like she’s really gone…”

“It may take a while for you to truly realise that”, Porthos said into Aramis’ hair. “A lot of people have told me it takes a while… I can’t really remember how I reacted when I was told that my mom died… I barely remember her, anyway.”

“I’m so sorry”, Aramis whispered and squeezed Porthos’ fingers. Porthos picked up a blanket and wrapped it around Aramis so Aramis wouldn’t catch a chill. Suddenly Aramis sniffled and Porthos looked at his face, only to see that Aramis’ eyes had teared up and the tears were now falling.

“I’m here”, Porthos whispered and began rocking Aramis gently. “I’ll be right here.”

The door opened when Aramis let out a soft sob and soon both Porthos and Aramis saw Athos, who had hurried inside, looking worriedly at Aramis. Athos kicked off his shoes and almost ran to hug Aramis sitting only halfway on the sofa.

“I bought some pizzas”, Athos whispered. “I figured you won’t be cooking much tonight and someone has to feed you two. It’s alright, Aramis; we have you. We’re both here now…”

Aramis dipped his head as new sobs shook him. Athos tightened his embrace a little and shifted to a more comfortable position.

“Should I go warm the pizzas?” Athos asked and looked at Porthos who shook his head.

“I’ll go do that”, Porthos said. “I’ll make some cocoa for us all. You stay here with Aramis.”

Porthos carefully stood up and helped Aramis to lean on Athos’ shoulder. Aramis was still shaking and he let out an occasional sob. Athos was rocking Aramis back and forth, hoping to soothe his grieving friend even a little. Soon Porthos emerged from the kitchen with three cups of cocoa and handed two over to Athos who then placed one on a small table near the sofa and gave one to Aramis. Aramis gulped and took a small sip of the cocoa.

“It’s good”, Aramis muttered hoarsely. There were still tears spilling from his eyes as he began drinking his cocoa greedily.

“Will you go to work tomorrow?” Athos asked quietly. When Aramis looked at him confusedly, he continued, “When one’s parent dies, it is a norm that one or two days can be taken off from work. I’m pretty sure that the morgue can spare you for tomorrow and the weekend.”

“I guess I could call Ninon and ask her if she can spare me”, Aramis muttered. “I’m not sure if I can get up tomorrow…”

Porthos drew Aramis closer and kissed his cheek. Then he abruptly stood up as he realised he would soon burn the pizzas if he didn’t take them out of the oven. Soon they all had pizzas to eat and Athos and Porthos’ quiet chatter filled the room as they tried to take Aramis’ mind off the pain and grief.

* * *

“How was Aramis today?” d’Artagnan asked as Porthos sat down at his desk during lunch break. Porthos sighed and opened his package of mozzarella and chicken filled baguette.

“He was asleep when I left”, Porthos said. “I left him some cocoa and a chocolate-filled croissant…”

“I hope he’ll be okay”, d’Artagnan muttered. “Having to lose his mother only two days before they were planning to meet… That’s like the Universe saying, ‘fuck you in particular’…”

“I know”, Porthos agreed. “I’m kind of afraid he will do something stupid while I’m away… Thank God I have the weekend off. I asked him to text me when he wakes…”

“He hasn’t texted yet?” Athos asked as he sat down at his own desk.

“No”, Porthos sighed. “It’s good he can sleep now; he didn’t sleep much last night… I think I fell asleep before him…”

“Tell me when he texts you”, Athos muttered and turned back to his computer that he was writing a report on. Porthos nodded and continued eating his lunch.

Half an hour later Aramis texted Porthos, telling him he was awake and thanking him for the little breakfast. Porthos immediately texted back, telling Aramis he would leave a bit earlier so Aramis wouldn’t have to be alone. It wasn’t even two hours later until Porthos’ phone buzzed again, a bit too many times for Porthos to be content to leave unnoticed.

**Aramis [15:28]**  
How early can you leave?  
It just really hit me  
That she’s gone  
I don’t think I can be alone  
It hurts so much

**Porthos [15:29]**  
I’ll go ask Treville  
I’m pretty sure he’ll let me leave  
He’ll understand

**Aramis [15:30]**  
Thanks  
I’m sorry to make you do this

**Porthos [15:40]**  
He let me leave  
I’ll drive home soon  
See you soon  
Love you

Porthos almost dashed through the office room to get his most important papers in order while Athos looked at him worriedly. Porthos quickly explained what had happened while he packed his bag and Athos sighed and asked Porthos to call him later on that evening and tell how Aramis was. Porthos nodded and left, almost running all the way to his car. When he was in his car, he drove home as fast as legally possible.

When Porthos finally got home, he kicked off his shoes and first ran to the living room. When there was no sign of Aramis downstairs, Porthos ran up and to their bedroom where he finally saw Aramis, curled up on his side on the bed and crying silently. Porthos walked to the bed, lay down and gently pulled Aramis into a tight embrace from behind.

“It’s alright, Aramis”, Porthos whispered. “It’ll be alright. I have you and I won’t leave you alone now…”

Porthos’ left arm was curled over Aramis’ waist while his right hand was gently holding Aramis’ forehead. Aramis was shaking with every sob that tore through him while Porthos tried to soothe him with sweet nothings.

Eventually Aramis calmed down and he grabbed Porthos’ hands that were embracing him. He let out a shaky breath when Porthos kissed him on his cheek.

“I miss her”, Aramis whispered. Porthos hummed in response as he gently rolled Aramis on his back. “I miss her already so much…”

“It’s alright to miss her”, Porthos whispered. “Try to remember the happy times you shared with her so the separation won’t hurt as much…”

“I’ll try”, Aramis whispered as he kissed Porthos on the lips lazily. “I’ll try…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always, loved, cherished and appreciated!


	22. The Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost promised a happier chapter but wow this sure as hell isn't happier. This is almost worse than the last and I'm not sure how it happened...
> 
> I hope you can enjoy it!

Aramis was feeling numb.

Diana’s funeral service was being performed by the priest that knew the d’Herblays best and was trying to keep the service short. Porthos was sitting next to Aramis and holding his hand – Aramis felt like Porthos’ presence was the only thing that kept him from shattering. Lucia and Anne were sitting behind Aramis, Lucia sitting on Anne’s lap. Sofia and Mercedes were both sitting on Aramis’ left side, dressed in black and looking at the coffin while the priest recited the prayers for Diana’s immortal soul. Aramis found himself doubting that souls were immortal – if they were, why was he hurting so badly that he had begun going numb again?

Aramis felt a nudge in his left arm and realised that it was the time to go put flowers around the coffin. He stood up and followed Mercedes, carrying the white lilies his father had given him to put next to the coffin. Aramis could hear his father saying something, perhaps a farewell to Diana, but for the life of him, he couldn’t tell what Oscar was saying. Everything felt very distant to him, feeling very much like Aramis felt when he was tired enough to fall asleep while he still stood.

When Aramis realised Oscar had stopped talking, he placed the lilies next to the coffin and returned to his seat. Lucia tapped his shoulder and he turned to look at her and give her a small smile. She hugged his neck and Aramis clumsily patted her arm. Other people were placing their flowers at Diana’s coffin and all Aramis could do was to stare numbly. Porthos’ thumb was moving over Aramis’ knuckles, which somehow made Aramis feel safer and he could breathe a little bit easier.

“I’ll be next to you the whole time”, Porthos had whispered on that morning before they drove to the church. He had hugged Aramis for over ten minutes, hoping to give some much-needed comfort to his husband.

Aramis had only been able to nod in response to Porthos’ words. Since he had woken up, he had felt that if he’d speak up, he would break down and be unable to gather himself back together again.

When the service ended, most people went to the room that usually hosted afterschool clubs and birthdays that were celebrated at the church. Aramis remembered one particular science club he had been in where he had almost set a table on fire. Incidentally his seat was at the table he had almost set on fire – there was still that burn mark on the table. He ran his fingers fondly over the burn mark as he remembered how he had almost caused a fire and how his whole family had laughed at the story when he’d told them about it.

“What is it?” Porthos asked quietly as he sat next to Aramis while Anne and Lucia sat on his other side.

“I almost burnt this table when I was seven years old”, Aramis mumbled. “There’s still the burn mark...”

“You’ll have to tell me that story later”, Porthos whispered as he took Aramis’ hand into his. Aramis nodded and sighed. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to listen to all these unknown people talking about Diana. Sofia and Mercedes were also sitting at the same table and waiting for the other guests to find their places. There was some food for the guests and Aramis suddenly felt very nauseous; he wasn’t sure he could keep anything inside.

“If this feels like too much to any of you, you can go home to rest”, said Oscar who had sat down at his seat, “I didn’t lock the door and there’s plenty of food in the fridge. No one will judge you.”

Aramis nodded mechanically. He was already feeling like everything was too much but he had decided to try to be brave on that day. He wanted to give Diana a proper farewell after everything she had done for him.

“Can we have some of the food?” Lucia asked suddenly. “Or is all the food for grandma?”

Aramis chuckled softly and took Lucia on his lap. Lucia looked at him confusedly.

“We can have some of the food”, Aramis said. “Is there something you’d really want?”

“I want some of that pie”, Lucia said. “And some juice.”

“Well, let’s go get some for you”, Aramis said and was about to stand up when Porthos stopped him.

“I’ll go get them with Lucia”, Porthos said. “You look so pale that you could easily faint.”

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered. Porthos smiled sadly and helped Lucia down from Aramis’ lap and walked to the table that held all the food. Porthos gathered three plates and gathered some food on all of them. He gave one to Lucia who almost ran back to the table where Aramis and the others sat. Porthos followed her, trying to warn her that she shouldn’t run or she’d fall. Porthos placed one of the plates in front of Aramis who looked at him in surprise.

“You have to eat something”, Porthos whispered. “I’ll go get something to drink. You want anything?”

“I’ll be fine with just water”, Aramis said. Porthos nodded and squeezed Aramis’ shoulder. Anne looked at Aramis with increased worry as he continued staring at the table.

“Will grandma be okay in Heaven?” Lucia asked suddenly. “Will she have any friends there?”

“We can pray for her soul”, Aramis said. “And she has her father there so she won’t be alone…”

“But we don’t really go to church with mamá”, Lucia said. “The priest said that mamá is a bad person for divorcing…”

“Well, that priest was wrong”, Aramis told. “And you don’t have to be in a church to pray.”

“I don’t?” Lucia asked. Aramis nodded and took the golden crucifix, that Anne had given him, out of his pocket.

“If you have this, you can pray to God whenever you want to”, Aramis said and put the golden chain around Lucia’s neck. “Many people believe that you wouldn’t even need this, that God hears you wherever you are, but I like to think that this helps you to be heard…”

“But what will you do if you need to pray to God?” Lucia asked. “Won’t you need this?”

“I have an old rosary”, Aramis said. “I’m sure God will hear me if I need to pray.”

“Will you be alright?” Anne asked quietly when Lucia looked at the crucifix in wonder. “After Savoy, you… you wouldn’t go anywhere without that crucifix…”

“At that time, I had no other reason to believe in God”, Aramis said. “That crucifix was my only connection to God… Nowadays I have other reasons to believe in God…”

“Where did you get this, papá?” Lucia asked. “It looks old.”

“I got it from your mother after I’d been in a terrible accident and taken to a hospital”, Aramis said. “It helped me when I was very afraid…”

“Will it help me too?” Lucia asked.

“I hope it will”, Aramis said and smiled at Lucia. Lucia smiled widely and jumped to hug Aramis. When she let go of Aramis, he began slowly eating his piece of the pie. He felt a bit better after a few bites; he had barely eaten on that day which had made him nauseous. Porthos looked at Aramis proudly; for a moment he’d been afraid Aramis would just wilt away.

People began holding speeches about Diana and Aramis was barely listening. He was feeling steadier thanks to the food but he still felt like he’d break down at any minute. When Adriana began speaking about her memories of Diana, Aramis felt like he couldn’t handle it any longer. He quietly told Oscar and Porthos that he’d leave and that he’d be at the d’Herblay house. Porthos immediately said he’d go with Aramis and Anne said she’d be leaving with Lucia. As soon as they left the club room, Anne hugged Aramis.

“I’m so sorry, Aramis”, Anne whispered. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I don’t really know”, Aramis said. “Just stay alive?”

“Of course”, Anne said, moving her hand up and down Aramis’ back, trying to comfort him. “Of course.”

Aramis nodded shakily and smiled. He then turned to pick up Lucia and carry her to Anne’s car in the parking area. He talked lightly to Lucia and asked her to be nice to Anne and told her that she could come over on the following weekend. Lucia immediately agreed and asked Aramis if they could watch some of her favourite Disney films. Aramis told her they could and placed her in her seat in Anne’s car and let Anne fasten Lucia’s seatbelt. He then waved to both Anne and Lucia when the car drove away. Porthos grabbed his hand as soon as the car had driven away.

“Could we… Could we walk through the graveyard?” Aramis asked quietly. “It’s a shortcut and my friend is buried there… I’d like to visit her…”

“Let’s do so”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ temple. Aramis began leading him through the graveyard, still holding his hand. Aramis barely said anything until they reached a grave where Aramis suddenly stopped. He looked at the gravestone and placed his hand over it.

“Hey there”, Aramis mumbled. “I’m sorry for not visiting you for a while and not bringing you any flowers… I’ll promise to get you some sunflowers next time I’m here…”

Aramis smiled sadly at the grave where Porthos read the name Isabelle. He felt like he should remember the name but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Soon Aramis took Porthos’ hand again and began walking to the house.

“Who was she?” Porthos asked when they exited the graveyard through a hole in the wall. Aramis stopped for a moment and sighed.

“Louise’s mother”, Aramis whispered and Porthos’ heart sunk when he realised that Aramis’ first true love had died.

“When did she…?” Porthos asked and before he could finish his question, Aramis was speaking already.

“A month or so before Lucia was conceived. I had been reeling after Isabelle’s funeral and gone to drink and then Anne came to my place after Louis had had another tantrum and… everything else is so hazy…”

Porthos gathered Aramis into a hug when he noticed Aramis’ lips trembling. Aramis sighed and squeezed Porthos’ arm. He was so very tired.

“Let’s go”, Aramis mumbled. He took Porthos’ hand and they walked the remaining journey in silence. When they finally reached the house, Aramis opened the door, kicked off his shoes and walked into the living room where he crashed down on the sofa. Porthos followed him and gathered him into a loose embrace.

“I felt like I was suffocating back there”, Aramis whispered. “I really wanted to be there for mamá but I just… it was all too much…”

“It’s alright”, Porthos whispered. “You shouldn’t feel guilty…”

Aramis sighed and stood up. He walked to the bookshelves and took out a big photo album and walked back to Porthos. Porthos wrapped his arms around Aramis again as Aramis opened the photo album. He shuffled through the pages and looked fondly at the photos.

“That one looks nice”, Porthos said, pointing at a photo where Aramis who was maybe seven or eight years old had fallen asleep on Diana’s lap while Diana was sleeping on the sofa as well. Aramis smiled at it and nodded.

“Papá took most of these photos so there’s a lot of photos of mamá”, Aramis whispered. His voice sounded hoarse and Porthos wondered if he would cry again. As soon as the thought crossed Porthos’ mind, a few tears fell on the pages and Aramis sniffled. Porthos tightened the embrace when Aramis swallowed.

“I’m so sick and tired of all this crying”, Aramis whispered. “I just want the pain to stop but the tears just keep coming again and again…”

“It’s alright”, Porthos mumbled. “Being able to shed tears is a strength.”

Suddenly they heard the door opening and they saw Sofia walking inside. She took off her shoes and walked to the sofa where she too sat down.

“I started overthinking”, Sofia mumbled and ran her hand over her face. “It was too much and I had to leave too…”

“What did you think about?” Aramis asked and blinked, trying to get the tears away. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to…”

“I thought how grateful I was that you were still here”, Sofia whispered, “that you hadn’t managed to kill yourself… I don’t think I’d have survived if I’d had to bury you too…”

Aramis let out a small noise of desperation as he shifted so that he could hug Sofia. She had begun to tremble and tears had gathered into her eyes. When Aramis hugged her, she let out a small sob and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“Is it alright to not be strong for just a moment?” Sofia asked with a thick voice. “Just a little moment. Is it alright?”

“Of course it is”, Aramis whispered and began rocking Sofia back and forth. More sobs escaped Sofia’s throat as she began crying silently. Aramis hushed and rocked her back and forth, wishing to soothe her.

“You were always our little baby”, Sofia whispered after her sobs had subsided. “I… I never realised how terrible it would have been if you’d died… I just… Please promise you won’t die… not just yet…”

“I promise”, Aramis whispered, leaning back into Porthos’ arms. Sofia was still leaning on Aramis’ chest and Porthos wrapped his arms around both siblings.

“Do you two want anything to eat?” Porthos asked. “I can make you something if you want me to…”

“Let’s just stay like this for a while”, Aramis mumbled. “We can eat later…”

Sofia nodded and tightened her embrace on Aramis.

They would be fine.

Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions, thoughts and ideas for future chapters are always loved, welcomed and cherished!


	23. Little Gifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happier chapter appears! There won't be much humour in this one but it's tooth-rotting and sweet :D I hope you'll like it!

“Here. It’s for you.”

Porthos was holding out a small box to Aramis who was looking at the box with confusion. It was not his birthday, nor was it their anniversary so he couldn’t really understand why Porthos was giving him a gift now. He accepted the box and ran his fingers along the smooth material before opening the lid.

Inside the box there was a silver crucifix. It looked old and yet it was very clean and almost shining. Aramis’ eyes widened as he picked up the crucifix and he looked at Porthos who was blushing slightly and fidgeting with his hoodie’s zipper.

“I know it doesn’t have the same emotional value to you that Anne’s crucifix or your father’s rosary have”, Porthos mumbled, “but I wanted to give you a new one… You seem to miss the old one…”

Aramis shifted on the sofa they’d been sitting and took Porthos’ hands into his. He looked at Porthos with the widest smile in a long time as he squeezed Porthos’ fingers.

“Thank you”, Aramis said. “I love it.”

“I’m glad you do”, Porthos mumbled. “Even if it doesn’t have the same emotional value that your old one had…”

“Of course it has the same value”, Aramis said with determination. When Porthos raised his eyebrows, Aramis said, “You gave it to me; how could it not have the same emotional value as my old crucifix?”

Aramis could see Porthos blushing before he leaned in for a kiss. Oh, how he loved Porthos and his thoughtfulness.

* * *

Porthos opened the door after a long day at work and noticed that Aramis hadn’t turned on the lights even though the sun had already gone down and it was dark. When Louise didn’t come to greet Porthos, he thought that Aramis had probably gone for a walk with Louise. He took off his shoes and when he walked into the living room, saw that Aramis had fallen asleep on the sofa with Louise laying on top of him and a small floor lamp lighting the living room. Porthos smiled at the sight and noticed a small box on the floor, near to Aramis’ right hand that was drooping from the edge of the sofa.

Porthos walked to the sofa as quietly as he could and picked up the box. He noticed the little note attached to it and his heart almost skipped a beat when he noticed his name on it.

_For Porthos – so you can keep all the happy memories. – Aramis_

Porthos opened the box and noticed that it was a pocket-sized digital camera. Porthos’ chest warmed when he realised that Aramis had wanted to give him something concrete to keep all the happy memories he wanted to keep – God knew he hadn’t had much growing up.

Porthos checked the inside of the camera to see if the battery and memory card were there (which they were) and turned on the camera. After a little bit of fumbling, he finally figured out how to zoom and focus the photos and he took a few photos of Aramis and Louise sleeping. When he was content that at least one of the photos should be good, he turned off the camera and sat down on the edge of the sofa and accidentally woke Louise up. She sniffed Porthos’ hand and wiggled her tail. Porthos scratched her ear and she settled down at Aramis’ feet.

Aramis still hadn’t woken up and Porthos cupped his cheek and moved his thumb up and down Aramis’ cheek. He smiled fondly at Aramis’ peaceful expression and leaned down to steal a small kiss.

When Porthos straightened his back, he saw Aramis’ eyes fluttering open. Soon Aramis recognised Porthos and he gave him a sleepy smile while trying to grab his hand but failing. Instead, Porthos took Aramis’ hand into a gentle hold when Aramis tried to sit up.

“Hey there”, Aramis said and looked around. “There was a box…”

“I found it”, Porthos said as he pulled Aramis into a hug and kissing him again. “Thank you. I love it so much.”

“I’m happy you do”, Aramis whispered. “I tried to find a photo album too but couldn’t…”

“I have an old one”, Porthos told as he rubbed circles around Aramis’ back, making Aramis more relaxed.

“I’ll fall asleep again if you continue that”, Aramis whispered. Porthos moved his hand up to Aramis’ hair and Aramis shuddered.

“We can’t have that yet”, Porthos said with a grin. “I have photos to take.”

Aramis chuckled as Porthos lay down on the sofa and pulled Aramis down to his chest.

About a week later, Aramis found a framed photo of himself sleeping with Louise on his chest while he was getting a new book from the bookshelf.

He smiled at the photo fondly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	24. Stuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wild update appears! I got the first idea for this chapter from the lovely issa but then it became angstier and darker and here we are :"D I haven't proofread this one so possible mistakes that Microsoft Word didn't catch will be corrected in the morning since it's past midnight again...
> 
> Chapter includes character (though not major) death and mentions of shooting. I hope you can still enjoy it!

“Porthos!” a female voice called from the entrance to the office room in the Paris police headquarters. Porthos turned his head away from the television broadcasting news about a shooting at a mall, to see Aramis’ assistant, Fleur, standing at the entrance and looking for Porthos with panic in her eyes. Porthos rushed to the girl who looked like she’d fall over any minute – she had most likely run from the morgue to the police headquarters and was still out of breath.

“What is it, Fleur?” Porthos asked as he led her to sit down on an office chair. D’Artagnan appeared from behind Porthos with a mug of water that he gave Fleur.

“Aramis is there”, Fleur said after she’d downed the water. “In that mall. He went to get food for us and I can’t contact him. I think his phone’s off… I thought you’d want to know…”

“God, no”, Porthos muttered as he sat down. His face had blanched completely and he had covered his mouth with his hand. Athos noticed Porthos sitting next to Fleur and rushed to the two to find out what had happened.

“What is it, Porthos?” Athos asked, urgency in his voice. “What happened? Did something happen to Aramis?”

“He’s in that mall”, Fleur whispered and looked at Athos desperately. “He’s in that mall and he won’t answer my calls; I think his phone is off…”

“Damn it”, Athos muttered and turned to look at Porthos. “I’ll go ask for a special permission to go and help with the possible break-in from Treville. Technically that mall isn’t our jurisdiction but if I explain that Aramis is there, we might be able to go to the scene and if we can go to the scene, we’ll be able to help Aramis sooner than from here…”

“He’s probably fine and treating those hurt”, d’Artagnan piped up. “He’s probably just dropped his phone or turned it off so no one can find him. Let’s not lose hope yet…”

“Yes”, Porthos mumbled and began moving his wedding ring on his finger. Athos had noticed Porthos did it when he was stressed or worried because of Aramis so he quietly lay his hand on Porthos’ shoulder.

“He’ll be fine”, Athos said. “I’ll go talk to Treville.”

Porthos nodded while d’Artagnan began talking to Fleur, hoping to find out where exactly Aramis had gone and if they could help Fleur in any way. Fleur was almost crying, thinking that it had been her fault that Aramis was in the cursed mall and that he could have gotten hurt. Athos came back very soon from Treville’s office.

“We can go help the police at the mall”, Athos said. “Treville would rather have had you stay here, Porthos, but I convinced him to let you come with us. However, you’re not allowed to go solo in any case even if Aramis is hurt. We’re not to go inside until we’re given the order to move in.”

“I understand”, Porthos muttered. “Do we know where the gunmen are? Do they have hostages?”

“There are hostages and from what I’ve gathered, the gunmen are all in the clothing stores area”, Athos supplied. “All the restaurants are near the clothing stores so Aramis might be hurt…”

“I’ll kill those gunmen if they’ve hurt Aramis”, Porthos growled. “Hasn’t he already had enough? First having to witness Savoy and now this…”

“We’ll have to hope for the best”, d’Artagnan said. “Is it just us three going?”

“Yes”, Athos said. “Let’s go.”

* * *

The mall area was bustling with police officers. A contact had been established with the gunmen and they were demanding ransom money and exit from the country. Porthos hadn’t been able to stop pacing since they’d arrived at the scene. Athos was trying to calm him while d’Artagnan was on the phone with Constance, trying to calm her down and telling her that they’d take Aramis to see her as soon as he was out if he hadn’t got hurt. (“You better do, d’Artagnan; I can’t lose any of you dumb boys”, she’d said, after which d’Artagnan told her she wouldn’t lose any of them, ever.)

“How long will it take them to get the men out?” Porthos muttered. “Aramis could be badly hurt or worse!”

“They’ll have to get the gunmen away from the hostages”, Athos said. “It might take a long time. Until then we can’t do anything.”

The waiting was dreadful. Porthos’ chest felt so tight that it would burst at any time. Everything seemed to be moving awfully slow and Porthos’ breathing was way too fast. Before he knew it, Athos was at his side, leading him to sit down and telling him to calm down his breathing. After a moment Porthos managed to even out his breathing. D’Artagnan was also at their side, asking Porthos if he was alright.

“This waiting is taking too long”, Porthos muttered. “I can’t just stay here if Aramis is hurt…”

“We can’t go in or we might get hurt as well”, Athos reasoned. “I can’t let you go in and get hurt because Aramis will need you when the gunmen have gotten out of the building, especially if he’s hurt. Please understand.”

“I understand”, Porthos muttered, “I really do. I just can’t stay here and do nothing!”

“We have to”, Athos said. “I know it’s horrible but we just have to wait…”

Soon Athos was told that one of the gunmen had agreed to surrender to the police and that he was coming down. The other three were still inside the building and the police were still negotiating in hopes of getting at least some of the hostages out. Eventually the gunmen agreed to let twenty hostages go and Porthos almost prayed for one of them to be Aramis. In the end, there were only women and children among the released hostages. One of the women was clearly in hysterics and Porthos heard her cries.

“My daughter is still inside!” the woman cried. “My Stéphanie is still there! Someone, please save my Stéphanie!”

A paramedic went to talk to the woman and managed to coax her to sit down on a bench while he examined her. She was still crying when the paramedic was done and gave her a blanket and a hot drink. Athos walked to the paramedic to ask him if the woman had told him anything.

“Hi”, Athos said, “did she tell you anything about what was going inside?”

“She only told that her daughter had gone to get some food”, the paramedic said. “I’m Pierre, by the way. Who are you?”

“Athos”, Athos said. “My friend is inside as well and we can’t contact him… I was hoping that the woman might have known something about him…”

“She didn’t mention anyone else”, Pierre said. “Do you know where your friend was when the gunmen attacked? I heard the gunmen trashed the restaurant area almost completely…”

“Oh, hell”, Athos hissed. When Pierre raised his eyebrows, Athos said, “My friend was most likely at the restaurant area; he was getting lunch for himself and his assistant…”

“Then we can only pray for his safety”, Pierre said. “I’ll be here until this whole ordeal is over; if you need help, just come to me.”

“Thanks”, Athos said and went back to Porthos. Porthos looked at him with his eyebrows raised, afraid to voice his question.

“The woman didn’t say anything about Aramis”, Athos told. “The paramedic had heard that there had been shooting in the restaurant area too but didn’t know anything concrete.”

Porthos shook his head and turned to look at the entrance of the mall. He was biting his lower lip and moving his wedding ring again. Soon a police officer came to inform the trio that a small team of men was needed to search for survivors while the attack team stormed the mall. Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan immediately volunteered and asked the man how many officers would be in the team. In the end, it was decided that there would be three teams looking of survivors, one of which consisted of Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan.

Soon the attack team was ordered to storm the mall. Porthos held his breath as he waited for their order to move in to look for the wounded. The paramedic called Pierre had been added to their team at the last minute in case they’d find someone wounded.

They got their order to move in at last and Porthos dashed through the doors and to the restaurant area. He needed to find Aramis as fast as he could, to make sure Aramis was alive and well. He looked around the restaurant section, desperately calling Aramis’ name and seeing only dead bodies on the ground.

Suddenly Porthos heard quiet sobbing. He turned to look for the source of the sound, seeing a small hallway between two restaurants that was mostly hidden by the tables and chairs. Porthos ran into the hallway and was stopped by the sight in front of him.

Aramis was on his knees, cradling the head of a teenager girl on his lap. He was sobbing quietly and Porthos noticed all the blood covering the girl’s abdomen. It dawned to Porthos that the girl was most likely dead and that Aramis had tried to save her.

“Aramis”, Porthos called softly. Aramis’ head turned to Porthos so quickly that it seemed like a miracle that his neck didn’t snap. There were tears on Aramis’ cheeks as he looked at Porthos.

“I promised her she’d live to see her mother”, Aramis whispered as Porthos knelt next to him. Porthos noticed Aramis shivering as new tears sprung to his eyes. “I promised she’d live and that it’d be alright… She’s still warm…”

“You did what you could”, Porthos whispered as he hugged Aramis. Aramis grabbed the material of Porthos’ coat on his back and let out a heart-wrenching wail. Porthos’ chest tightened; he’d never heard Aramis crying like that. It had always been quiet tears or sobbing, never the kind of broken-hearted wailing that Aramis had begun then and there.

Athos found the two very soon and motioned for Pierre to check on the girl. He looked for her pulse and shook his head. He turned to look at Aramis who was still crying on Porthos’ shoulder and clinging to him like he was the only thing keeping him alive.

“Aramis”, Porthos whispered. “Aramis. We have to get out and get you looked at. This man here is Pierre, a paramedic and he’s here to look after the injured. Are you hurt?”

Aramis shook his head, then nodded and shook his head again. Pierre sighed as he checked Aramis’ pulse which was way too fast to his liking.

“I think he’s in shock”, Pierre said. “Come now, Aramis, we should get out of here. I can check on you better outside… Porthos, can you help me lift him up?”

Porthos nodded and slowly managed to help Aramis to stand. He and Pierre walked Aramis outside the mall and led Aramis to a bench where he could sit down. He stared unseeingly at the mall while Pierre ran the normal check-up procedures on him.

“Her name was Stéphanie”, Aramis whispered. “She was fourteen years old and wanted to be an archaeologist… I tried to stop the bleeding but it just wouldn’t stop…”

“I’m so sorry, Aramis”, Pierre said as he covered Aramis’ shoulders with another blanket and went to look for the woman who had been looking for her daughter. After he had talked with her a while, she began crying again and she sat down. Porthos followed the scene as he wrapped his arms around Aramis and kissed his hair.

“Can we go home?” Aramis asked suddenly. “I want to go home…”

“I’ll ask Athos if he can drive us home”, Porthos said. “D’Artagnan can go pick up Constance and we’ll meet at our house. Does that sound good?”

Aramis nodded and Porthos motioned Athos to come over to them. Porthos asked Athos if he could drive them home, to which Athos immediately agreed. D’Artagnan came over too and told that he would go pick up Constance as Porthos had planned. Porthos helped Aramis to stand up again and motioned for Pierre to come over so they could return the blanket.

“She asked me to thank you for trying to save her daughter”, Pierre said as he accepted back the blanket. “She wanted you to know it wasn’t your fault she died…”

“Could you tell her I’m sorry that I couldn’t save Stéphanie?” Aramis whispered. “And that she told me she loved her mother very much?”

“I can”, Pierre said and patted Aramis’ shoulder clumsily before turning around and walking to the mother. Porthos and Athos led Aramis to Athos’ car and Athos drove them to their house. Once at the house, Aramis kicked off his shoes and walked to the bathroom to wash the blood off his hands. Porthos looked at him worriedly when he wouldn’t stop washing his hands.

“Aramis”, Porthos said and grabbed Aramis’ wrist. “There’s no more blood. You can stop washing your hands now.”

Aramis looked at Porthos with wide eyes as Porthos turned off the faucet. Porthos dried Aramis’ hands quietly and walked him into the living room to sit on the sofa. He kissed Aramis and Aramis let out a soft moan before grabbing Porthos’ arms and returning the kiss, never once breaking out until neither of them could breathe. Porthos then folded his arms over Aramis so that Aramis could lean on Porthos’ chest. Athos was still waiting at the door for Constance and d’Artagnan to arrive.

When Constance and d’Artagnan finally arrived, Aramis had begun shivering again so Porthos had wrapped a blanket around Aramis’ shoulders. Constance hurried to Aramis to tell him that none of what had happened had been his fault while Athos finally remembered to call Fleur to tell her that Aramis was alive and relatively well, all things considered.

Porthos sighed and rubbed his eyes. It would be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	25. Trial and aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter appears! This time we have a story about who actually was behind the tragedy in Savoy. I'll probably write a sort of part two to this about catching the one who did the actual attacking if anyone's interested :D
> 
> Note - I have no idea how the legal system works in France so I hope it works similarly to the one we have in Finland :"D

Athos was very stressed.

The trial for Louis Bourbon for the incident at Savoy was being held and Aramis was giving a testimony of what happened at the campsite. Porthos had promised to support Aramis through the trial but on the morning of Aramis’ testimony, he had collapsed with fever and Aramis had panicked. Athos had called Constance and asked if she could take care of Porthos during Aramis’ testimony meanwhile he would be supporting Aramis with Aramis’ parents and oldest sister in the court room. Constance had immediately agreed and told Athos to make sure Aramis wouldn’t get hurt during the testimony – mentally or physically. Athos had promised to try.

However, when Richelieu laid bare whatever uncertainty Aramis’ testimony had, Athos wasn’t so sure he could shield Aramis from a breakdown. Aramis had already blacked out once during Richelieu’s questions and Athos was almost certain he’d seen Aramis’ hands shaking. When Aramis looked at Athos with terror in his eyes, Athos silently thanked whatever higher force had possessed him to make Aramis, Porthos and himself take off the following day from work. Aramis wouldn’t be well enough to go to work the following day and someone needed to look after him and Porthos and make sure they wouldn’t neglect their own needs to take care of the other.

As soon as the juries called for a break to discuss the matter further, Athos walked to Aramis and helped him to the nearest bench outside the court room and let Aramis sit down on it. Aramis buried his shaking hands in his own hair and softly tugged at it. Athos knelt in front of Aramis, studying his face while Diana and Oscar sat on his both sides while Sofia ran to talk to the lawyers to ask if Aramis was needed later that day – Athos wasn’t sure Aramis could take it anymore. Oscar rubbed soft circles on Aramis’ back to soothe him as he begun trembling violently.

“He twisted it all”, Aramis muttered. “Richelieu twisted everything I said. He made it sound like we had known that there would be an attack beforehand. I swear we didn’t!”

“Shh, you couldn’t have known”, Oscar whispered as he pulled Aramis into a hug. “You were young and you weren’t in charge of the team; there was no way you could have known someone would attack you…”

“We’re free to leave”, Sofia said as she walked back to where Aramis and everyone else were sitting. “René won’t be needed any more today. The lawyer will call you if you’re needed for further testimony.”

Aramis’ shoulders slumped as he sighed in relief. Oscar and Diana nodded and stood up and were about to walk away before they noticed Aramis hyperventilating and Athos gently guiding Aramis to lean forward and breathe deeply.

“Aramis”, Athos said after Aramis had calmed down, “I was thinking that we should go to Porthos’ apartment tonight. Constance messaged me and told that Porthos’ fever has broken and he’s more or less coherent. Does that sound good to you?”

“Yes”, Aramis whispered, still tugging at his hair with his right hand. “Sounds good…”

Athos helped Aramis to stand up and led him to his car at the parking area. He then asked Aramis’ parents if they’d want to stay over at Porthos’ place to calm down after the trial. They immediately agreed while Sofia had to return to her apartment and look after a friend’s child. Before she left, she gave Aramis a bone-crushing hug.

“You did well”, Sofia whispered. “You were so strong and brave… You did the best you could.”

Aramis nodded and Sofia smiled at him. She ran her hand in his hair for a moment before she walked to her car. Meanwhile, Athos was giving Diana and Oscar driving instructions to Porthos’ apartment building and telling them they could just follow Athos’ car. Diana was insisting that they needed to buy some food if they were to stay – they wanted to help in any way they could. When Diana and Oscar drove off, Athos led Aramis to his car and drove them to Porthos’ apartment.

In Porthos’ apartment, they were first met with a worried-looking Constance who immediately hugged Aramis. Athos went to talk to Porthos and inform him that Aramis’ parents would stay at least for the evening and maybe overnight. Porthos immediately asked how Aramis was, to which Athos answered truthfully – not very well. Aramis had kept himself together in the court room but he seemed to be slipping away back to the memories that kept terrorising him.

“I’ll share the bed with him tonight”, Porthos muttered. “I know how to calm him from nightmares and he just sleeps better when he’s sleeping next to someone…”

Athos nodded and turned to look at Aramis whom Constance had led to sit down on the sofa. He was shaking and Constance was lightly chatting with him, obviously trying to take his mind off everything that happened in the court room. Suddenly Aramis stood up and walked to the door and made sure it was locked. He then walked to the windows and closed all the curtains and walked to one of the corners of the living room and sat down.

“Sorry”, Aramis mumbled as he leaned his head back on the wall. “Someone could attack. Can’t let that happen. Not to you…”

Constance closed her eyes for a moment before walking to Aramis and taking his hand into hers and running her thumb over his knuckles. Porthos walked to Aramis as well and sat next to him on the floor. Athos’ throat constricted painfully when Porthos began reminding Aramis that he was no longer in Savoy and that Athos and Porthos would protect him. So, when the doorbell rang, Athos was overwhelmingly grateful to leave the scene to open the door for Diana and Oscar.

“How is René?” Diana asked.

“Hypervigilant”, Athos told quietly. “He’s tried to eliminate possible entrances for attackers and he’s sitting in a corner…”

“He hasn’t done that in ages”, Oscar muttered. “I’m sure it’ll pass but we’ll have to make sure we don’t do any sudden movements or surprise him in any way… One doctor scared him right after he woke up after the massacre and René almost strangled the poor doctor…”

“Is there anything that helps him when he’s hypervigilant?” Athos asked as he locked the door.

“He likes to listen to classical music”, Oscar said. “Tchaikovsky or Vivaldi; those were the only ones we used to have at home… The calmer the melody is, the better it’s for him.”

“I’ll go ask Porthos if he has any classical music”, Athos mumbled as he walked to Porthos and crouched down next to him. “Do you have any classical music? Preferably Tchaikovsky or Vivaldi…”

“I have some”, Porthos said. “It’s that lavender-coloured CD on the bookshelf. Just put it on the CD player; you know how to use it.”

“You don’t strike to me as someone who would like classical music”, Constance said and gave Porthos a small smile. Aramis was still stubbornly looking at the ceiling, as if it was his last lifeline. As soon as the first notes of Tchaikovsky’s _The Nutcracker_ began playing, Aramis’ shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes.

“I actually do like it”, Porthos explained as he pulled Aramis into a hug. “Madame Sauveterre loves Mozart and Chopin so I grew up listening to them. I bought that Tchaikovsky CD only after I heard Aramis likes it…”

“That’s very sweet of you”, Constance said as Aramis sighed contently; the music was calming his racing nerves. Oscar walked to the living room and greeted the trio that was sitting on the ground.

“Hello there”, Oscar said. “Diana and I were wondering if we could borrow your kitchen to prepare some food for all of you since you let us stay here.”

“That would be amazing of you”, Porthos said. “I’m not really in any condition to cook and I feel that Constance or Athos won’t want to leave Aramis’ side as of now…”

“Don’t worry; you take care of René and we’ll take care of food”, Oscar said. Porthos nodded and turned all his attention back to Aramis who was staring at the carpet. Suddenly he turned to look at Athos who was sitting on the sofa.

“Athos”, Aramis whispered. “You locked the door, didn’t you?”

“I did”, Athos assured him. “I checked it twice. Nothing will get inside unless it has a key and only Porthos and you have ones. Do you want me to check the balcony door too?”

“Please”, Aramis whispered. “For safety.”

“Of course”, Athos said and stood up. He walked into the dining area and closed the door leading into the balcony and closed the curtains in front of it. When he noticed Diana looking questioningly at him, he said, “It was this balcony Aramis tried to jump off of. I just remembered it has been exactly nine months since he tried to jump and… I thought it’d be better if he wasn’t reminded of it.”

“You’re so very kind to him”, Diana said. Athos shifted under her gaze and looked down to escape her gaze.

“He kind of reminds me of my late little brother”, Athos mumbled. “I guess my instincts just tell me to look after him…”

“Please trust those instincts a little longer”, Diana said as she placed her hand on Athos’ forearm. “I don’t think René can look after himself tonight… I don’t know what I’d do if he died.”

“I’ll do what I can to keep him alive”, Athos whispered. He glanced into the living room where Aramis was leaning on Porthos and looking much more peaceful than Athos had thought he would after the trial.

For some reason Athos was sure it wouldn’t last long.

* * *

Aramis woke up drenched in sweat. His heart was hammering in his chest as panic from his dream still gripped onto his mind. He swallowed to keep himself from crying out and he looked to his right where Porthos was sleeping soundly.

 _Thank god, he didn’t wake up_ , Aramis thought. He quietly got out of the bed and tiptoed into the kitchen to get some water to drink. He looked into the living room and saw Constance sleeping on the sofa while Athos slept in a sleeping bag on the floor. He felt a pang in his chest – he knew they’d stayed only because he hadn’t been strong enough to keep himself together.

As he placed his glass into the sink, a memory from Savoy suddenly flashed in his mind and he realised that breathing wasn’t so simple any more. Tears sprung to his eyes as more memories assaulted his mind. He soon found himself sitting in the corner of the dining room, his hand covering his mouth so that he wouldn’t wake Athos or Constance.

Aramis looked at his right and saw the balcony door. For a fleeting moment, he thought of ending it all, to jump down and not feel like a disappointment any longer…

“Please don’t go there again”, Porthos’ voice whispered from Aramis’ left side. Aramis’ breath hitched as Porthos continued, “I don’t want to lose you. You may think me strong but I actually dread losing you.”

Strong arms wrapped themselves around Aramis and helped him up as Porthos kissed Aramis’ forehead.

“I’m so sorry”, Aramis whispered through his silent tears. “I’m so sorry for not being strong enough.”

“Shh, darling, you’ve been so strong”, Porthos whispered. “You’ve gone on living even when you thought you wouldn’t have the strength; that makes you stronger than you can imagine.”

“I’m afraid, Porthos”, Aramis whispered softly, “I feel like I might be snapping again, that I’ll try to jump again… I need you; I’m not strong enough to go on alone…”

“You won’t have to be alone”, Porthos whispered as he slowly began leading Aramis back into the bedroom. “I’ll be at your side as much as you need me and hopefully more.”

Aramis bit back another sob as Porthos kissed his hair. Unbeknownst to them, Athos had listened to their conversation and was smiling sadly to himself.

* * *

Porthos woke up in the morning and felt Aramis’ head resting on his chest. He looked down to see Aramis’ peaceful expression and slightly flushed cheeks. Porthos placed his hand on Aramis’ forehead and to his dismay, felt that it was a bit warm. Porthos sighed and pulled the blanket to cover Aramis’ shoulders so he could stay warm. Suddenly there was a knock on the bedroom door and Porthos looked up to see Athos looking at him and Aramis.

“Can I come in?” Athos asked. Porthos nodded and Athos walked to the bed and sat next to Aramis. He sighed and looked at Porthos.

“What is it?” Porthos asked quietly.

“Treville just called me”, Athos whispered. “Louis pleaded guilty. He’s writing a full confession as we speak. Richelieu is furious because they were trying to roll the fault onto the team leader that died – I don’t think he knew about the attack beforehand. I just wish Aramis will have some closure from all this… I heard you two last night and I fear this might not be enough closure… Louis will have to go in prison but the men who killed Aramis’ teammates are still free.”

“And if Louis gives no names, we’ll never catch those men”, Porthos whispered as he understood what Athos meant. “And Aramis and the families of the twenty who died will never have closure…”

“How is he, by the way?” Athos asked. “He didn’t sound good last night…”

“Told me about the nightmare he had”, Porthos whispered. “He’s a bit feverish now; must have exhausted himself somehow…”

“I’ll go grab us some breakfast”, Athos muttered. “Aramis’ parents are already up and making a full British breakfast for all of us. Do you want any coffee?”

“I’ll get some breakfast later”, Porthos said. “I’ll watch over this fool for now.”

Athos chuckled as he left the room. Porthos pulled Aramis closer to himself and buried his face in Aramis’ hair. Eventually he noticed that Aramis had woken up and was looking at Porthos.

“What is it?” Porthos asked.

“You want to tell me something”, Aramis whispered. “You’re looking at me in that way. Is it something bad?”

“I don’t know whether it’s good or bad”, Porthos admitted. “Louis pleaded guilty. Athos told me he’s writing a full confession. If he doesn’t give us any names, we won’t be able to find the men who attacked your team in the forest…”

“It was him”, Aramis whispered. “It was him the whole time and he had the audacity to praise me for surviving the attack…”

“I’m so sorry, Aramis”, Porthos said and embraced Aramis. “I’m so sorry, my darling.”

“He did this to me”, Aramis whispered brokenly. “And he hurt Anne… He as good as killed Marsac and everyone else in the team…”

“We’ll know later today what his verdict will be”, Porthos told. “Until then we can’t do much.”

“Can we stay like this a little longer?” Aramis whispered. “I feel safe with you…”

“Anything for my love”, Porthos whispered as he wrapped his arms around Aramis and kissed his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions & ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	26. Weekend back at home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter appears again! I wanted to give Aramis some closure after the horrible shooting so here we have some quality time spent back at his childhood home with his father and Porthos.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

Aramis was leaning on the car window while Porthos was driving the car and Louise was sleeping on the backseat. Oscar had invited Aramis and Porthos to stay over at Douai for the weekend when Aramis had accidentally let it slip that he’d been involved in the shooting at the mall two weeks before. No reassurances of Aramis’ safety and wellbeing had helped when Oscar had decided that he needed to see his son and son-in-law to make sure they were both safe and well. Porthos had been very happy about the invitation – no matter what Aramis tried to say, he was still very shaken about the shooting and needed some support and comfort from his family.

They had decided to leave on Friday straight after their work ended so that they wouldn’t have to get up early the following morning and so that they’d have a whole day to spend in Douai. The previous evening Aramis had realised how worried he was for his father; Oscar was living all alone in that big house and his three children barely visited him. Porthos had advised Aramis to tell Oscar to find a hobby of some sort that he wouldn’t wilt away and that he wouldn’t get lonely.

“Earth to Aramis, how is it going?” Porthos asked jokingly after Aramis had remained quiet for over an hour. Aramis turned to look at Porthos and smiled fondly.

“I’m just a bit tired”, Aramis said, “and I have a small headache… Could we listen to some music?”

“Of course”, Porthos said and handed Aramis the music player that was attached to the car radio. “Put on whatever you like. Do you need anything for the headache?”

“I’ll be fine”, Aramis said quietly. “Thanks.”

Aramis shuffled a bit with the music player and hit play on the playlist that Sofia had created with studio Ghibli’s soundtracks. The first song was the tune that was played in Totoro when Mei got lost, giving Porthos the signal that Aramis’ day had been a lot worse than Aramis let on. Aramis sighed and returned to leaning on the car window and looking out forlornly. Porthos took Aramis hand into his and quickly kissed Aramis’ knuckles before letting the hand go and resuming to driving. Aramis sighed and closed his eyes as the melody flowed on.

When they finally arrived at the d’Herblay house, Oscar was waiting for them on the porch with a book on his lap. As soon as Louise was let out of the car, she ran to Oscar and greeted him, letting him scratch her head and pet her fur. He hugged Aramis when he reached Oscar and Porthos as soon as he reached the other two.

“Come in and get settled, boys”, Oscar said. “The food is ready and I want to hear how you two are doing. Go put your bags in Aramis’ room and come back down to eat. I’ve got some good food for Louise as well.”

Aramis managed to only nod in response to what Oscar said. The combination of being back home, smelling his father’s cooking and having Oscar paying so much attention to him was feeling too much already. He walked upstairs, followed by Porthos, and dropped his bag as soon as they got into his room.

“You alright?” Porthos asked when Aramis sat down on his bed. Aramis took a few steadying breaths and looked up at the ceiling.

“I just need to gather myself”, Aramis whispered. “I’ll be fine soon.”

Porthos sat next to Aramis and took Aramis’ hands into his. He began running his thumbs over Aramis’ knuckles as Aramis closed his eyes again.

“I’m fine”, Aramis whispered after a minute or so. “We should go back downstairs.”

“Let’s do so”, Porthos said and flashed Aramis the kindest smile he’d ever seen. Aramis stood up and led Porthos back downstairs where Oscar was absentmindedly chatting with Louise.

“Look after your humans, will you?” Oscar said softly as he poured some dry food into a cup for Louise. “They sometimes forget their needs and it makes me worry for them so much… René especially acts so much braver he really is…”

Louise let out a cheerful bark as she licked Oscar’s fingers. He scratched her head and turned around to face Aramis and Porthos who had just walked downstairs.

“Perfect, I just got the dishes all set out for us”, Oscar said. “You two can sit on that side of the table while I sit on this side, does that sound good?”

“Yes”, Aramis said quietly. “Yes, it’s good.”

“Great”, Oscar said and sat down at the table while Aramis and Porthos did the same. Soon Porthos and Oscar began chatting lightly while they ate meanwhile Aramis was eating and listening to the two; he didn’t feel like he could contribute to the conversation much in his state of mind.

“And how was your day, René?” Oscar asked suddenly. “You’re very quiet for some reason…”

“I haven’t done much”, Aramis admitted. “I performed an autopsy and helped one of my old university professors to demonstrate parts of human body during her anatomy class; they had a live body there. Otherwise I’ve just had this nagging headache that seems to be getting worse…”

“If you need anything for the headache, I can find you something”, Oscar said. “If the pain can be eased, you shouldn’t have to suffer from it…”

“I’ll be fine”, Aramis said. “I’m sure it will be better once I rest a bit. I haven’t slept much lately…”

“Is it because of the shooting at the mall?” Oscar asked. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I want you to remember that I will listen to you if you need me, even in the middle of the night.”

Aramis nodded and continued eating. He felt that as soon as he’d start talking about what happened at the mall, he wouldn’t be able to stop and he couldn’t start crying at the dining table. Maybe later, when he would be safely in Porthos’ arms…

“How is Lucia?” Oscar asked suddenly. “I was thinking that I’d love to see her again soon… Isn’t her birthday soon? How about I come over for her birthday?”

“That would be nice”, Aramis said. “We could have a little party for her…”

“That’s a good idea”, Porthos agreed. “We need something to celebrate and Lucia needs to see her relatives more, won’t she?”

“Yes”, Aramis agreed as the knot in his chest, that he’d had since the shooting, eased a little.

Later in the evening when the dinner had been eaten and Aramis, Porthos and Oscar were sitting and talking in the living room, Aramis suddenly thought that he should finally tell Oscar and Porthos what had happened in the mall. Porthos had wrapped his arms around Aramis’ waist and Aramis was leaning on Porthos’ shoulder while Louise lay next to Aramis with her head on Oscar’s lap.

“There was a girl”, Aramis said, “in that mall. Her name was Stéphanie and she was fourteen years old… She wanted to be an archaeologist and she was getting some food from one of the fast food restaurants when the gunmen attacked and she was shot in the gut…”

Porthos squeezed Aramis’ right hand as Aramis inhaled. Aramis screwed his eyes shut to fight tears that were gathering in his eyes.

“I got her and myself into a safe area where I tried to treat her wound”, Aramis continued. “I tried all I could but there were only paper towels and I couldn’t get us out because I didn’t know where the gunmen were… She was fourteen and she died because I couldn’t get her outside to the paramedics. She was fourteen and scared and she just wanted to see her mother once more and I couldn’t save her!”

There were tears on Aramis’ face, making their way down his face. He had started trembling and Louise jumped down on the floor to turn to look at Aramis and place her head on Aramis’ lap. Oscar moved next to Aramis and took hold of his right hand and began rubbing comforting circles on the back of Aramis’ hand with his thumbs.

“René dear”, Oscar said, “you cannot blame yourself for what happened. You were in no way prepared for it and no one can hold you accountable for not being able to save the girl. You might have medical training, yes, but that will never prepare you for situations where you don’t have the equipment you’d have in a hospital. You did what you could but that isn’t always enough. The fact that you’re mourning for the girl’s lost life tells me all that I need to know: that you’re the kind son I’ve known and had for over three decades and whom I love. Please don’t blame yourself. I believe that the girl wouldn’t blame you either…”

Aramis tried to bite back a sob as Oscar embraced Aramis. He rocked Aramis back and forth while Aramis clung to him in a desperate attempt of hiding his face. Louise whined as she noticed Aramis’ distress and Porthos gently scratched her head.

“It’s alright, my dear boy”, Oscar whispered. “Do you know what this calls for?”

“What?” Aramis asked in a small voice.

“Some warm cocoa for both of you”, Oscar said as he gently let go of Aramis and let him lean back into Porthos’ embrace. “Warm cocoa with some marshmallows. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great, doesn’t it?” Porthos said. Aramis nodded and looked at Oscar as he walked to the kitchen to warm some milk and make his special brew of cocoa with marshmallows.

“How many marshmallows for you?” Oscar asked when the milk began warming up.

“Two”, Aramis mumbled, making Porthos smile.

“So, three marshmallows for you”, Oscar said. “How about you, Porthos?”

“Two sounds good”, Porthos said, smiling softly at Aramis.

“That means three for Porthos as well”, Oscar said. Porthos chuckled and Aramis suddenly shook his head and stood up and walked to the kitchen.

“No”, Aramis said. “You can’t keep doing that. Being so goddamn kind all the time. If you just keep giving others what they want but never take care of your own wants and needs, you’ll wilt away! I… I can’t watch you wilting away like that; I don’t want to see that happen. I can’t lose you so soon after mamá, I really can’t but if you just keep being so goddamn kind and selfless, I will. You must go out and see people; I know you’ve been staying at home most of the time lately; I’m not blind. Just please, please don’t wilt away in all silence when I can’t help…”

Aramis was shaking and holding his shirt over his stomach as Oscar looked worriedly at him. Oscar hugged Aramis with such a ferocity that Aramis couldn’t stop his breath from hitching slightly.

“I promise I won’t wilt away”, Oscar muttered, his voice uncharacteristically thick. He chuckled softly and patted Aramis’ back. “This kind of outburst warrants for a fourth marshmallow in your cocoa. Now go back to Porthos before he starts worrying too much.”

Aramis nodded and walked back to the sofa where Porthos was sitting. He sat down next to Porthos who immediately gathered Aramis into his arms.

“It’s alright, my darling”, Porthos whispered. “I’m sure your father won’t wilt away. He loves you and your sisters too much to do so…”

Aramis nodded as he leaned further into Porthos’ embrace. Louise looked at her humans curiously, almost as if she was asking if they were alright.

They were, of course, far from alright. They had, however, begun to heal with the help of one another and would one day be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always welcomed, loved and cherished!


	27. Stray Cat Called Cream Puff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the birthday chapter! :D (Mine, not Aramis' or Porthos', mainly because mine is in 2 days and I'm fairly sure I won't be able to think up and write another chapter in 2 days :"D)
> 
> This chapter is very sweet :D Aramis finds a kitten and there's a lot of kissing between Aramis and Porthos involved (Also this chapter has some of the funniest lines I've written in a while in my opinion.)
> 
> Please enjoy the new chapter! :D

**Aramis [18:04]**  
Porthos  
I think I did it again  
We have a cat  
Don’t worry, I’ve bought everything she needs

 **Porthos [18:06]**  
Oh dear  
If you keep this up, we’ll be a zoo by next summer

 **Aramis [18:07]  
** Sorry…

 **Porthos [18:09]**  
Don’t be, I like that about you  
We just have to make sure Lucia isn’t allergic to any animals

Porthos put his phone on his desk and chuckled. Athos looked at him and raised an eyebrow, as if to ask what had happened but instead of answering, Porthos just chuckled at Aramis’ shenanigans. He continued writing his report while chuckling quietly until d’Artagnan walked back to his desk with a cup of coffee and Aramis’ latest autopsy report.

“What’s so funny?” d’Artagnan asked. “Did Athos hide another one of those bouncy things on my desk?”

“I hid one there a week ago”, Athos commented. “You still haven’t found it. Your desk is a mess.”

“Aramis found a cat and adopted it”, Porthos said with a fond smile while texting Aramis to send a photo of the cat. “It’s just like with Louise; he just texted me we have another pet.”

“Can we come to see the cat?” d’Artagnan asked cheerfully. “We never had a cat because my mother was allergic and I’ve kind of wanted to have one as well…”

“I’ll ask Aramis”, Porthos said. “I’d like that but we better make sure the cat won’t freak out with so many new people…”

Soon enough Aramis texted that d’Artagnan and Athos could visit if they wanted since the cat was a calm one. He also asked if they could get some food for all four of them since Aramis had had no time to cook and because Aramis wanted to stay at home on that evening to make sure that Louise wouldn’t eat the cat. Porthos relayed the news to Athos and d’Artagnan who happily agreed to go get some take away food to eat in the evening. As soon as their shift ended, they walked to Porthos’ car and drove to the nearest Chinese take away restaurant and ordered four meals. When they got their orders, they drove to Porthos and Aramis’ house.

The sight they encountered was a heart-warming one. Aramis lay on the living room floor on his back while a small white cat was examining him. Louise was sleeping on the sofa and eyeing the cat suspiciously; she probably didn’t trust the new family member yet. Aramis motioned for Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan to be quiet so that the cat wouldn’t get scared. Instead of noticing the new arrivals, the cat climbed on Aramis’ stomach and sniffled it, making Aramis smile widely. Porthos took a photo of the sight with his phone – his camera was upstairs – and smiled softly.

“We’ll be in the kitchen”, Porthos said quietly. Aramis looked at him and smiled while stroking the cat’s fur gently. Porthos herded Athos and d’Artagnan into the kitchen while he listened to Aramis softly talking to the cat.

“That was rather cute”, Athos commented as he took out his meal box from the paper bag. “Is he like that with Louise too? How do you even manage every day when he decides to be unbearably adorable?”

“Hey, that’s _my_ husband you’re talking about”, Porthos laughed and elbowed Athos on his ribs.

“What is it; did Athos threaten to steal me away?” Aramis joked from the kitchen door. The other three turned to look at him and saw him carrying the small cat that couldn’t be even a year old.

“No, he called you unbearably cute and I felt threatened”, Porthos said and walked to Aramis to kiss him. After the kiss, he looked at the cat and smiled. “Hello there, little one. What are you called?”

“Her name is Madeleine”, Aramis said quietly.

“She looks like one”, Athos commented. “Louise could eat her in one bite.”

“How can you say so?” Aramis mock-gasped and tried to cover Madeleine’s ears. “Just because her name means cream puff doesn’t mean she’s food!”

“Speaking of which, ours will get cold soon”, d’Artagnan said. “Here, Aramis, your fried rice.”

“I almost hoped you’d brought some cream puffs”, Aramis joked and accepted the box of fried rice with vegetables and shrimp. Madeleine was wiggling around in Aramis’ arms and he gently let her down on the floor. He fished chopsticks out of the paper bag and poured himself some Coca-Cola and walked back into the living room where Madeleine was sniffing Louise who was still curled up on the sofa. Aramis smiled and picked Madeleine up and carried her away from Louise.

“Let’s keep you two separated for a few days”, Aramis said. “Louise doesn’t seem too happy when something so small is so near her. You can get to know each other later…”

Porthos had walked into the living room and placed his meal box on the same small table Aramis had placed his. He grabbed Aramis by the waist, causing him to yelp, and sat down on the sofa, pulling Aramis down with himself. Aramis chuckled and leaned on Porthos’ shoulder and fished his meal box from the table so he could start eating. Athos and d’Artagnan soon walked into the living room and sat on two of the armchairs and began eating their meals.

“So how did you find this one?” Athos asked. “I heard from Porthos that Louise was alone and hurt in the rain but it hasn’t rained today. Tell us how you found Madeleine.”

“She was stuck in a tree”, Aramis said, “and she was crying out in panic. I climbed up to help her down and noticed she had no collar or name tag so I took her to the vet and while she was there, I went and bought some essentials for her.”

“You climbed a tree?” d’Artagnan asked. “Again? You’ll be sending Porthos to an early grave because of the worrying you cause to him.”

“No, he’s sending himself to an early grave with the reckless behaviour if I don’t look after him”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ cheek. “Please calm down a bit with those crazy shenanigans of yours. I’d like to keep you in one piece.”

“I’ll try”, Aramis said quietly and squeezed Porthos’ hands. “Promise me you won’t worry too much about me, will you? I’d like to keep you alive and well…”

“I promise”, Porthos said nuzzled his nose against Aramis’ temple. Aramis sighed contently and leaned into the touch.

“You two are being so disgustingly sweet I’ll get a cavity from looking at you”, Athos mumbled which made Porthos laugh his lovely booming laugh.

“And you’re being so sour that you’re cancelling their sweetness, Athos”, d’Artagnan remarked. “Chill out, Athos; let people love each other.”

“Yes, I will”, Athos said. “I just feel like the older brother who has to tell the younger siblings to tune down their love-struck behaviour around the parents.”

Aramis laughed. He was happy for Athos who had finally managed to find himself a family that he hopefully wouldn’t lose like he lost Thomas. As far as Aramis knew, d’Artagnan hadn’t yet found out about Thomas so to him the jokes about family weren’t as heart-warming as they were to Aramis who knew how much losing Thomas had hurt Athos.

“If you’re the oldest brother, what does that make me?” d’Artagnan asked.

“The family dog”, Athos decided, making Aramis and Porthos howl with laughter. “You’re always following me like a puppy.”

“Well, dogs are loyal so I guess that’s alright”, d’Artagnan said. “My dad always joked I was like a puppy as a kid so good to know it hasn’t changed…”

“Well, dogs are said to be human’s best friends so I think d’Artagnan is doing good”, Aramis said, smiling widely.

The four friends continued their conversation and joking. Madeleine was quietly walking around and stopped at Athos’ feet and began sniffing them. She looked up at the new human curiously and jumped onto the chair. She climbed onto Athos’ legs and moved around a bit before curling on them.

“Isn’t that sweet”, Porthos laughed when he noticed how Madeleine had invaded Athos’ lap. “You’ve been accepted as a good person, it seems.”

“She has good instincts”, Aramis said and looked at Athos trying to glare at them but failing miserably with the smile tugging on his lips.

“I just realised”, Porthos said suddenly, “that Louise probably needs to be taken out for a walk. You probably didn’t take her?”

“Ah, no, I didn’t”, Aramis said. “I can take her…”

“No, stay here with Madeleine; I’ll go walk Louise”, Porthos said.

“I’ll come with you to the bus stop”, d’Artagnan said. “I have a shift tomorrow morning and I’ll have to be up early.”

“I’ll come with you too if one of you gets this little devil off my lap”, Athos said and pointed at Madeleine. Porthos laughed and picked up the kitten and placed it on Aramis’ lap. Aramis stroked her fur as Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan prepared to leave. They bid their farewells and Aramis was left alone with the kitten who was purring like a small engine.

“Be kind to Louise, will you?” Aramis said to Madeleine. “She won’t hurt you and Porthos and I will feed you; you’re a part of our little family now…”

Madeleine meowed loudly and continued purring. Aramis lay down on the sofa, letting the cat walk on his chest and stomach. She soon settled down on his chest and Aramis smiled. He began stroking her fur and singing absentmindedly. He didn’t stop singing even when Porthos came back home and Louise ran to greet Aramis. He scratched her head while still absentmindedly humming when Porthos walked into the living room.

“That sounded nice”, Porthos said. “Where did that come from?”

“I felt like singing”, Aramis said and smiled softly at Porthos who suddenly decided to lay next to Aramis. He easily manoeuvred Aramis so that he lay on the outer side of the sofa while Porthos was in between Aramis and the backrest. He then planted a quick kiss on Aramis’ lips.

“Have I told you how much I love it when you sing?” Porthos asked and smiled wickedly. He then kissed Aramis again on the lips and then moved to kiss his neck. Aramis flushed scarlet red when he realised what Porthos was doing and that he felt like he was melting slowly. Porthos’ kisses were all over his neck and Aramis sighed when he realised Porthos was kissing his Adam’s apple.

Oh, that felt good.

“You like that?” Porthos asked after Aramis let out an especially content sigh. Aramis looked at him and smiled fondly.

“Yes”, he whispered. “You’ve melted me. I’m a puddle now.”

“Well, it’s good that you’re a very solid puddle”, Porthos said and laughed as he lay down next to Aramis again. “I never realised how easy it is to melt you.”

“Oh, it’s apparently very easy”, Aramis said and turned his head so he could kiss Porthos and gave him a small kiss on the nose. They both smiled as their foreheads touched each other.

“Oh, I love you so much”, Porthos said. “Let’s not turn our home into a zoo.”

“That’s a good idea”, Aramis whispered. “And I love you more…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, cherished and appreciated!


	28. Complicated and not so Complicated Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with a new chapter again :D This time the idea was given to me by the lovely Lady_Neve and I hope this will be enjoyable!
> 
> My updating will become very irregular as I've started another modern AU that is completely unrelated to this one :"D

When Porthos saw, how bad state Athos was in, he understood how badly Athos had been affected. It was exactly five years since Aramis’ suicide attempt and someone had thrown himself off a balcony just like Aramis had tried. Upon further investigation, it had turned out that the person had jumped from Porthos’ old apartment. When Athos had recognised the apartment building and apartment number, he’d run to the bathroom to throw up. When d’Artagnan pointed out that there was way too little blood in the photos of the asphalt for the person to have died after jumping, Athos had already looked ill but when they’d gone to check the apartment where the man had jumped and seen the blood stains on the stove, Athos just left.

So, when Aramis had insisted that he and Porthos go pick Athos up from the nearby bar, Porthos hadn’t protested as much as he usually would have. However, seeing Athos so drunk and crying openly made his heart hurt. When Athos saw Aramis, he hugged Aramis with such a force that it almost knocked off Aramis’ breath. His words slurred so badly that Aramis couldn’t tell what he was saying at all. He was clutching Aramis’ coat so tightly that Aramis feared it’d break.

“Let’s go home, Athos”, Porthos said. “You’re not alright. Can you sit on the backseat with Aramis? I’ll pay your bill.”

Athos nodded and slumped against Aramis. Aramis smiled sadly and led Athos to Porthos’ car while Porthos paid Athos’ bill. When Porthos got into the car, Athos and Aramis were already on the backseat, Athos holding a bucket and Aramis looking at his friend worriedly.

“Will he be alright?” Porthos asked.

“I think he will”, Aramis said. “We just need to look after him tonight… He hasn’t drunk even half as this much since his brother died… Well, he honestly didn’t drink half as much even then.”

Porthos frowned as he began driving. If Athos was reeling that badly from the case, Porthos didn’t know what to think. He had suspected that Athos had feelings for Aramis and Athos’ actions seemed in favour of that. Porthos clenched the steering wheel as jealousy flared up inside him. He didn’t want to lose Aramis to anyone, not even to Athos.

Aramis was quietly talking to Athos as they drove. Porthos looked at the rear mirror every chance he got to see how Athos was doing. Athos’ face was way too pale for Porthos’ liking. His eyes weren’t focused and whatever he was saying was so slurred that neither Aramis or Porthos could understand it.

When Porthos finally pulled over at their house and helped Athos out of the car, Athos was shaking violently and suddenly threw up on the sidewalk. Aramis hurried to help Porthos keep Athos upright while searching his pocket for the keys. The keys were soon found and the door opened and the three could get inside.

“Help me get his shoes off”, Porthos said as soon as Aramis had managed to take off his own shoes and coat. Aramis nodded and knelt down to take Athos’ shoes off his feet while Porthos held him. Aramis then stood up and with Porthos’ help led Athos into the living room.

“Athos”, Aramis called softly, “you should try to sleep. Porthos and I will look after you tonight.”

Athos nodded as Aramis helped him to sit down. Aramis gently guided Athos to lay on his side facing the living room. Aramis placed a bucket on the floor near where Athos’ head was and smiled sadly at Athos. He then stood up and turned to face Porthos.

“You should get some sleep”, Aramis whispered. “I’ll look after Athos.”

“No, you should sleep”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis softly on the lips. “You haven’t slept well in days. You can sleep on the other sofa while I look after you and Athos.”

Aramis nodded and leaned his head on Porthos’ shoulder. He sighed softly as Porthos wrapped his arms around Aramis.

“I’m worried about Athos”, Aramis whispered. “I thought I was stressing about this day but he seems so much worse…”

“He’s strong”, Porthos said. “He’ll be alright.”

Aramis nodded and walked upstairs to fetch his pillow and blanket. Porthos sat down in an armchair and looked at Athos who had fallen asleep on the sofa and looked surprisingly peaceful for a man who had had at least two emotional breakdowns earlier on the day.

When Aramis walked back downstairs and settled on the free sofa, Porthos walked to sit on the edge of said sofa. Aramis took Porthos’ hand in his and smiled sadly at Porthos when Porthos squeezed Aramis’ fingers.

“How come you never got together with Athos?” Porthos asked suddenly. Aramis’ eyes widened and he looked comically at Porthos.

“I never had any feelings for him”, Aramis whispered and smiled softly. “To me, he’s always been more of an older brother than anything else. A big brother with a very broken heart, that is.”

“But I thought he had feelings for you…?” Porthos asked confusedly. “He always seems so intimate with you…”

“Oh, Porthos darling”, Aramis laughed softly and kissed Porthos’ knuckles. “He’s afraid of opening up, especially after losing his brother. I only knew about Thomas as early as I did because he had a massive breakdown after I’d dragged him out of another bar. As far as I know, Athos has no feelings for me.”

“Oh”, Porthos said quietly and the chuckled. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he brought Aramis’ right hand up and kissed his knuckles softly.

“Did you really think I’d leave all the happiness I had with you for Athos?” Aramis asked with a teasing smile.

“I don’t know”, Porthos admitted and was secretly glad they’d turned off the lights since he was blushing. “I guess I was slightly afraid.”

“Don’t be”, Aramis said with a soft smile and sat up to kiss Porthos’ cheek. “I love you the most.”

“And I love you”, Porthos said, smiling as he turned to meet Aramis’ lips with his own. “Sorry for being such an idiot.”

“You weren’t”, Aramis said as he lay back down. “You were simply afraid of losing me; it was a completely natural reaction.”

Porthos smiled softly as he began stroking Aramis’ hair. Aramis let out a small and content noise as he began drifting slowly to sleep. Porthos smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on Aramis’ temple after Aramis’ breaths evened out. He then stood up and pulled the blanket all the way up to Aramis’ shoulders. He then walked back to the armchair he’d been sitting on and turned his attention to Athos.

After few hours Porthos noticed Athos stirring. He was about to stand up when Athos shot up, noticed the bucket and threw up into it. Porthos breathed through his mouth as he picked up the bucket after Athos was done. He motioned for Athos to stay on the sofa while he was going to clean up the bucket. When he returned with the bucket, Athos was shaking where he sat.

“Do you need anything?” Porthos asked quietly. “I can get you water and maybe something to eat.”

“W… water would be nice”, Athos muttered. Porthos nodded and fetched Athos a glass of water that Athos greedily drank.

“Are you alright?” Porthos asked as he sat down. “Or actually tell me, can you talk about this?”

“Talk about what?” Athos grunted.

“Talk about what got you in this state of mind”, Porthos said. “You’re far from alright and I’m not about to make Aramis look after you all alone. You have to open up to someone before you destroy yourself.”

“I saw Aramis in that photo for a moment”, Athos said. “And then there was Thomas, my brother, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve already lost Thomas and I just… I can’t lose anyone else. Not you or Aramis or d’Artagnan or anyone else; I just can’t!”

Athos was crying silently by the end of his outburst. He was hugging himself and leaning forward so that Porthos wouldn’t see his face. Porthos sighed and wrapped his arm around Athos’ shoulders so that Athos could lean onto whatever warmth Porthos provided.

“I can’t promise none of us will die”, Porthos said quietly, “but I can promise that none of us will actively seek to die. Aramis has been recovering really well and is taking more and more care of himself and d’Artagnan and I may seem rather reckless but we would never try to get ourselves killed intentionally. But you have to promise us that you won’t seek to destroy yourself either because we don’t want to lose our favourite grumpy Athos.”

Athos let out a weak and wet laugh after Porthos finished talking. He leaned into the warmth radiating from Porthos and wiped his eyes.

“I thought I had feelings for Aramis at first”, Athos suddenly confessed. “But then I realised it wasn’t me loving him romantically but instead as a brother…”

“Oh”, Porthos said. “You heard us?”

“I did”, Athos said. “I won’t try to steal Aramis away. He’d fight too hard for it to be worth it. He loves you the most.”

“Thanks”, Porthos said with a soft laugh. “Sorry for suspecting you.”

“No need to apologise”, Athos said. “Thank you for being there when I needed someone.”

“That’s what friends are for, aren’t they?” Porthos said. “Go back to sleep; you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Athos nodded as he lay down on the sofa. Porthos returned to the armchair after giving Athos one of the spare blankets and sat down and wrapped the remaining spare blanket over his shoulders.

Hopefully the following morning would bring some light to all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	29. After the Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild update happens again!! This time a longer chapter (and I'm updating at 3 am again, why) and we see a lot happening, but most importantly, there is endless love and support for the bad days!

When Aramis woke up, it was to the blissfully beautiful sight of Porthos’ bare chest. Porthos’ arms were loosely wrapped around Aramis in a protective manner even when Porthos slept. Aramis smiled fondly at his newly-wed husband and began tracing lines along Porthos’ chest with his fingers. Porthos was snoring softly, making Aramis’ heart swell with happiness. He rolled on his back to look at Porthos’ left hand and see the wedding ring on his ring finger. He kept hold of Porthos’ hand and placed it over his chest and closed his eyes, smiling softly. He couldn’t have been happier laying there next to Porthos whom he’d just married on the previous day.

“I love you”, Aramis whispered and stole a small kiss from Porthos’ lips. “I love you so much… Thank you for being born and coming to me…”

Aramis rolled back on his side so he faced Porthos’ chest and curled up, leaning on Porthos. He kissed Porthos’ chest and closed his eyes and softly nuzzled his nose on Porthos’ chest. He wrapped his own arms around Porthos’ torso, getting as close as he could. He sighed contently as he breathed in the scent of Porthos’ chest.

“Hey there”, Porthos mumbled. “Awake already?”

“Yes”, Aramis sighed into Porthos’ chest. He stretched out and moved so that he could meet Porthos’ eyes. “I’m awake, love.”

Porthos smiled fondly and kissed Aramis’ lips. Aramis made a small appreciative sound in the back of his throat when he realised Porthos’ tongue was in his mouth. He yelped when he realised that Porthos was rolling over him. Porthos chuckled and slowly moved to kiss Aramis’ neck but couldn’t go any further before someone knocked on the door.

“Are you two awake?”, Diana asked from behind the door. “I’ve made breakfast for you two. Can I come in?”

“Yes, we’re awake”, Aramis said and began laughing softly as Porthos groaned and lay on top of Aramis, hiding his face in the pillows on Aramis’ left. Aramis wrapped his arms around Porthos as Diana walked into the room carrying a tray full of food.

“Breakfast to the bedroom?” Aramis asked. “Mamá, you shouldn’t have…”

“Oh, but I should”, Diana said, smiling softly. “You’re the first one of my children to get married so of course you and your husband get a little special treatment.”

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered as Diana kissed his forehead and messed Porthos’ hair. She smiled and left the room, drawing a sharp breath at the door.

“Move, Porthos”, Aramis said as he wriggled up from under Porthos’ weight. He walked to Diana who was clutching her chest and gently took her hand in his. “I’ll help you, mamá.”

“I’m alright, René”, Diana said. “You should be with your husband…”

“It’s not my big day anymore”, Aramis reminded Diana. “I want to help you so please let me do so. I’ll only walk you downstairs…”

“Thank you”, Diana said with a kind smile as they began walking. “I shouldn’t make you worry about me so much when you’ve just been wed to Porthos…”

“I worry naturally”, Aramis said. “I got it from you, didn’t I?”

“Oh, yes, you did”, Diana agreed. “Now, go back upstairs to have your breakfast with your husband.”

“I will”, Aramis said with a huge grin on his face and almost ran back upstairs. When he got back into his room, he saw Porthos sitting on the bed and saw that Porthos had propped the tray on the bed so they could sit there and eat. Aramis smiled and sat on the bed and leaned over to Porthos to kiss his cheek.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” Aramis whispered. Porthos chuckled and kissed Aramis.

“Today you haven’t yet”, Porthos said, his eyes shining mischievously. Aramis laughed and picked up a piece of toast and began spreading butter on it. “I love you more than anything in this world.”

“So do I”, Aramis whispered, blushing slightly and smiling softly. He grabbed Porthos’ free hand and squeezed. “I really want to kiss you more but I’m afraid I’ll knock the tray over if I do…”

Porthos laughed and picked up Aramis’ hand and kissed his knuckles. Aramis released a blissful sigh after the gesture.

“I’m the happiest man on Earth”, Aramis whispered.

“Because of me or the food?” Porthos asked amusedly.

“Both”, Aramis answered, “but mostly because of you.”

Porthos laughed heartily and leaned in for another kiss. Aramis kissed him quickly and continued eating his breakfast. Suddenly Athos walked into the room and smiled.

“Hey there”, he said. “Constance proposed that we – you two, me, herself and d’Artagnan – should go on a picnic today. There’s a lot of leftover food from yesterday and your parents are going to load all of the food on us if we don’t manage to eat some of it away. So, are you up to the picnic?”

“Sure”, Aramis said. “I know a nice place where we can have some peace and quiet nearby.”

“That’s great”, Athos said. “We could leave in an hour, if that’s okay with you two?”

“That’s good”, Porthos said. “We’ll be ready then.”

“I have a small errand I’ll have to run first but I’ll be ready by then”, Aramis said. He began eating faster and was soon done with his breakfast. He then began hopping around the room, looking for clothes to wear while Porthos looked at him amusedly.

“What is this errand you have to run?” Porthos asked.

“I’ll just go put some flowers on a grave”, Aramis explained. “It’s not at the graveyard so no one goes to see the grave; it doesn’t even have a stone. I haven’t been there in years so it’s high time I go see her…”

“Should I be jealous?” Porthos asked jokingly.

“There’s no need; she’s dead”, Aramis said and stopped moving for a moment, caught up in some far-away memory. Porthos stood up and hugged him.

“I’m sorry”, Porthos mumbled. “I didn’t mean to stir any bad memories…”

“You didn’t”, Aramis said and leaned his head on Porthos’ shoulder. “I just remembered how different I used to be when I was younger…”

“I’m happy with how you are now”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ hair. “You’re perfect as you.”

“You are too”, Aramis whispered and smiled softly and then stepped back. “I’ll have to go now so I’ll be back in time. See you soon!”

Aramis skipped downstairs and picked up some of the flowers from the vases and bouquets that had been given to him and Porthos. He put on his shoes in the hallway and jogged outside and into the nearby forest. He followed the trail the family always walked during the Christmas walk but a bit after the big clearing, he turned right to a smaller clearing where there was a small cross made of wood and an old crucifix wrapped around it. He knelt in front of it and placed the flowers in front of the cross.

“Hey there, Louise”, Aramis whispered. “How have you been? I got married yesterday to someone I love very much… I think you would like him too. And, you have a little sister called Lucia. She’s a lot like I imagined you’d have been if you were born… Please tell your mother I miss you both very much and I’m waiting for the day we’ll meet again… I’ll have to go now but I’ll visit you soon.”

Aramis stood up and left the flowers at the small grave. He walked back to the Christmas walk trail and jogged back to the house. Constance was sitting on the porch, reading a book when Aramis got back. She smiled at him when he walked up the few steps and hugged her.

“I’m not late, am I?” Aramis asked, making Constance laugh.

“With the amount of food your parents are giving us, we won’t be leaving for another half an hour”, she said. “The five of us won’t be able to eat all that.”

“I’ll go tell them not to give us all the food”, Aramis chuckled and walked inside the house. He walked into the kitchen and saw his parents packing the foods into a big basket. “Mamá, we won’t be able to eat all that. You should keep some food to yourself.”

“You’re right, this might be a bit too much”, Oscar said. “Let’s leave the cake, Diana; we can give it to René and Porthos later when they return to Paris.”

“Yes, of course”, Diana mumbled. “I just want to feed them.”

“You have time to feed them later, dear”, Oscar said with a sad smile on his face. Diana nodded, looking sadly at the food.

“Is something wrong?” Aramis asked. His parents were acting weird and it made him anxious.

“It’s fine, René”, Oscar said. “Gather your friends; you’ll have all the food soon. I’ll get one of the quilts for you to use…”

Aramis smiled and walked upstairs where Athos, Porthos and d’Artagnan were sitting in his room. As soon as he walked in, Porthos looked up and smiled and got up to kiss him. When they pulled away, Aramis smiled softly.

“We’ll be ready to leave soon”, Aramis said. “Mamá and papá won’t saddle us with all the food.”

“That’s a relief”, Porthos said, laughing softly. “I was worried we’d never be able to eat all the food.”

“I’m pretty sure we’ll still have leftovers”, Aramis said and looked down at their hands where they both wore their wedding rings. Porthos cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over Aramis’ cheek.

“Then we won’t be underfed”, Porthos said and smiled like Aramis was the most beautiful thing in the world.

“We should go”, Aramis said. He grabbed Porthos’ hand and led him downstairs where Diana and Oscar were waiting with the basket. Athos and d’Artagnan followed the two and laughed when Aramis tried to take the basket that was handed to Porthos instead. Aramis took the quilt Oscar had taken out of the closet and began walking outside. Constance followed the group and took d’Artagnan’s hand into hers. They began talking about everything and nothing while Aramis just listened to the happy voices.

The group soon found their way into the big clearing that Aramis’ family always passed during the Christmas walk. Aramis led them to the solitary tree standing in the middle of the clearing and placed the quilt on the ground next to it. The group sat on the quilt and began setting out dishes and food to eat. Soon everyone had something to eat and the conversation went on. Aramis was partially sitting on Porthos’ lap while Porthos’ arms were wrapped around Aramis’ waist. They were sneaking kisses on each other’s faces, leaving bread crumbs in their beards.

Suddenly Porthos stood up, bringing Aramis up as well. He spun around with Aramis in his arms, both laughing, until Porthos lost his balance and crashed into the ground. Even on the ground the two were still laughing.

“God, I love you”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ lips. He put his hand on Aramis’ cheek and ran his thumb along Aramis’ lower lip. “You’re so perfect…”

Aramis smiled as he wrapped his arms around Porthos and hugged him as fiercely as he could. Athos looked at them fondly from where he was sitting on the quilt. Constance noticed his melancholy smile and looked at him questioningly.

“I heard Aramis’ parents arguing today”, Athos explained quietly. “Apparently Aramis’ mother is sick and doesn’t want to tell Aramis yet but Aramis’ father thinks they should because apparently it’s bad enough that it will most likely kill Diana.”

Constance gasped softly and looked at Aramis who was being mercilessly tickled by Porthos. She grabbed her camera and took a few photos of the two to remember the happiness of the day. It was clear Aramis hadn’t been told yet and Constance’s heart was breaking at the man giggling on the grass in front of her. She didn’t want his happiness broken by something he’d most likely blame himself for even though he couldn’t control any of it at all.

“They have to tell him”, she whispered, “but… I really wish they wouldn’t do that yet.”

“Yes”, Athos said quietly, looking at Aramis and Porthos who were both laughing at some joke they hadn’t heard. “He needs to know…”

Constance nodded, looking at the two happy men laughing on the grass. They had eyes only for each other and looked so happy that Constance’s heart hurt at the thought of Aramis finding out that his mother was dying.

“Shouldn’t we start going back?” d’Artagnan asked soon. “There are clouds that don’t look too friendly…”

“Oh, those clouds look really bad”, Aramis agreed. “Quick, let’s pack everything and get back to the house. We still have to return to Paris today.”

Porthos nodded and began packing the dishes and the food back into the basket while Aramis rolled the quilt so he could carry it. The group began walking back into the house and got in just in time for the rain to start.

When they got inside properly, they saw Oscar and Diana sitting on the sofa in the living room, holding each other’s hands and looking sad. When they saw Aramis, they motioned for him to come to sit on the sofa as well. The others excused themselves and walked upstairs as Aramis looked worriedly at his parents.

“I have to tell you something”, Diana said and inhaled. “I have cancer and it’s terminal.”

“No”, Aramis breathed as he blanched. He shook his head in a hopeless attempt of denial.

“I’m sorry”, Diana whispered. “The doctor said I won’t probably live to see next Christmas, let alone November.”

“Was that why you were having those chest pains?” Aramis whispered. When Diana nodded, Aramis made a desperate sound at the back of his throat and hugged her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to destroy your day”, Diana whispered, her voice hoarse. “You were so wonderfully happy that I couldn’t destroy it; I hadn’t seen you happy like that in years…”

“But I could have helped”, Aramis protested.

“You couldn’t have”, Oscar said quietly, placing his hand on Aramis’ shoulder. “The cancer was detected too late. None of us could have helped.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Aramis asked after a small pause. “There has to be something!”

“Come over for a weekend or two”, Diana said as she pulled back to look at Aramis’ face. “I want to spend time with you before I go. Can you do that for me?”

Aramis nodded and stood up. He mumbled that he should go help Porthos pack up their things but doubted that his parents could actually hear what he said. He walked upstairs and into his room where he saw Porthos. As soon as Porthos saw the desperate look in Aramis’ eyes, he swooped Aramis into a hug that melted Aramis instantly.

“She has cancer”, Aramis whispered. “Mamá has cancer and she’s going to die. She won’t even see next Christmas… What do I do, Porthos?”

“I’m so sorry”, Porthos whispered. He began rocking Aramis gently back and forth and making soft soothing noises into Aramis’ ear. Aramis soon pulled away and gave Porthos a shaky smile.

“Can we go home?” Aramis asked softly. “We could listen to some music and eat some cake and cuddle a bit…”

“That’s a great plan”, Porthos said and smiled sadly at Aramis. He kissed Aramis’ hair and said he’d go talk to Athos while Aramis would pack the rest of their things. Aramis nodded and began packing their things mechanically. He was almost done when Oscar walked into the room, carrying boxes full of food from the previous day.

“Do Sofia and Mercedes know?” Aramis asked suddenly. “You have told them, haven’t you?”

“We did”, Oscar said as he handed over the boxes to Aramis. “We told them while you were having the picnic.”

Aramis nodded shakily and packed the boxes into his bag. Oscar smiled sadly and hugged Aramis tightly. He then clumsily patted Aramis’ shoulder and walked out of the room. Aramis packed last of his things into the bag and zipped it closed. He then looked up and saw Constance looking at him sadly from the door. He tried to give her a smile but it ended up looking more like he’d cry at any moment.

“Oh, Aramis, I’m so sorry”, Constance whispered as she walked to him and hugged him. He blinked his eyes and hugged her back.

“It’ll be fine”, Aramis whispered hopefully. “It’ll be fine.”

* * *

The drive back home was a quiet one. Porthos had explained Athos what had happened and Athos had hugged Aramis so fiercely that Aramis had been sure he wouldn’t be able to breathe. He had clung to the back of Athos’ shirt when Athos had tried to reassure him that everything would be alright. In the car, Aramis and Porthos sat on the backseat and held each other’s hand, Aramis to ground himself somehow and Porthos to comfort Aramis.

When they reached Aramis and Porthos’ house, Athos hugged the two once more, telling them to call if they needed anything. Before driving off, he gave Aramis’ shoulder one more squeeze and a sad look.

“What now?” Porthos asked as they walked inside the house and took off their shoes. “Do you want food or cuddles first?”

“Cuddles”, Aramis whispered as he hugged Porthos in the middle of the living room. Porthos smiled softly and hooked his right arm around Aramis’ shoulder so that he could lead Aramis in a dance. He began humming one of Aramis’ favourite songs as they began swaying around in a slow waltz, making Aramis smile a little. Aramis began singing the song, singing in Spanish of a girl in a tower by the sea. By the time the refrain came along the first time, it was obvious that Aramis was crying. However, his voice broke only after singing the refrain the second time.

“Shh, I’m here”, Porthos whispered as Aramis let out a soft sob. “I’ll catch you when you need me.”

And so he would; he’d catch Aramis every time he fell into the pit of self-loathing, making Aramis eternally grateful of his love and existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	30. Remedy for bad days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild update appears!! This time you'll have a little shorter chapter that takes place ~2 months before Porthos' proposal so they haven't moved together yet. Also, I have another modern AU in mind (again) so I might write it before I continue this....

Porthos woke up slowly. It was a Saturday morning and neither Aramis nor Porthos had to be anywhere so they had the morning all to themselves. Porthos had come over on Friday and they’d had a romantic dinner which Porthos had cooked while Aramis had baked another cake. Sometimes Porthos thought that Aramis’ cake-baking was getting out of hand which always made him chuckle because one would think that Aramis would begin doing something dangerous because of his mental illness but instead he’d just started baking cakes when he stressed too much. Porthos chuckled at the mental image of Aramis baking and turned left to look at Aramis.

When he saw Aramis, however, he didn’t see Aramis’ peaceful expression he had when he slept but instead a blank stare directed at the ceiling. Porthos’ stomach dropped when he realised it was another one of Aramis’ bad days when he couldn’t even get up from bed. Those days usually followed sleepless nights that were the result of overthinking.

“Aramis?” Porthos asked quietly as he softly cupped Aramis’ cheek and guided Aramis’ head to turn so it would face Porthos. “Did something keep you up again?”

“Yes”, Aramis breathed as he closed his eyes. “I… I was worried about Lucia…”

“Right”, Porthos muttered. He had forgotten Lucia’s influenza during the evening when Aramis had seemed to calm down. “Did Anne call you yesterday?”

“Yes”, Aramis whispered. “She even let Lucia talk with me for a moment.” A fond smile was on Aramis’ lips as he remembered Lucia’s cheerful yet sick voice. “She’s been getting better but she sounded still so very sick…”

“She’ll be fine”, Porthos said as he grabbed Aramis’ left hand. Aramis squeezed Porthos’ fingers as he returned his stare to the ceiling. Porthos sighed as he pushed himself right next to Aramis and got up from Aramis’ side of the bed. He knelt next to Aramis and cupped his cheek, letting his thumb run over Aramis’ cheekbone.

Porthos leaned over and gently kissed Aramis’ jaw. Aramis sighed and Porthos continued pressing soft kisses on Aramis’ jaw and lips. Aramis squeezed the hand Porthos was holding his with as he drew in a shaky breath. Porthos looked up to see tears pooling in Aramis’ eyes which made his heart break a little.

“I’m sorry for being so useless”, Aramis whispered. “I can’t even get up in this state, I…”

“You’re not useless”, Porthos said. “You’re ill; that does not make you useless. These bad days are just another symptom of your illness and I’ll help you just as you’d help me if I had a flu or something.”

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered as the tears started falling slowly. Porthos sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Aramis into a hug. He slowly rocked Aramis back and forth to soothe him even a little.

“I guess this means breakfast to bed”, Porthos said suddenly. “You need to eat something and what would be a better way than to have breakfast in bed?”

“You shouldn’t have to”, Aramis said as Porthos settled him against the headboard. “I’ll get up in a minute…”

“I absolutely have to”, Porthos said and smiled softly at Aramis. “After that cake you made us yesterday, I absolutely have to make you some breakfast.”

Aramis squeezed Porthos’ fingers and Porthos smiled. Porthos walked into the kitchen and put some toast in the toaster while he boiled some water for tea. He then began collecting some cheese, ham and salad so he could make Aramis’ favourite breakfast sandwiches. He made a small heap of the sandwiches and poured some juice for both himself and Aramis and then began brewing the tea. He took out two mugs from the cupboard, a Lord of the Rings themed one for Aramis and a Star Trek themed one for himself. He then placed the breakfast on a big tray and walked back into the bedroom.

“I made some of your favourite sandwiches”, Porthos said and smiled softly at Aramis. He had pulled the blanket up to his shoulders and had begun shivering. Porthos placed the tray on the bed and placed Aramis’ glass of juice and mug of tea on his nightstand. Porthos sat next to Aramis on the bed and took his hand.

“Try to eat something, darling”, Porthos said. Aramis nodded shakily and began eating one of the sandwiches. He sighed contently and smiled sadly at Porthos.

“They’re great”, Aramis whispered. “You make the best sandwiches…”

Porthos smiled and hugged Aramis with all the strength he could muster. He kissed Aramis’ hair and began rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“What should we do today?” Porthos asked. “The weather isn’t very nice at the moment so we could probably watch a film or something?”

“That sounds good”, Aramis said with a soft smile. “Is there anything you want to watch?”

“Anything goes”, Porthos said. “Didn’t Lucia leave some of her DVDs here? There are a lot of old Disney films I’ve been meaning to see…”

“She left Bambi here”, Aramis said. “I don’t want to be a sobbing mess today…”

“Oh”, Porthos said. “She didn’t leave anything else?”

“No”, Aramis said. “We could watch Star Wars? I haven’t watched Star Wars in ages…”

“That we could do”, Porthos said and grinned. “I could go get us some snacks to eat during the film? Or films? How many of them do you think we’ll watch?”

“I was thinking of the whole set but we don’t have to watch all of them”, Aramis said with a soft smile on his face.

Porthos laughed and patted Aramis’ back. They finished their breakfast in silence and Porthos got up to change into his day clothes while Aramis sat back on the bed.

“Will you be alright here?” Porthos asked. “I’ll take half an hour at most.”

“I’ll be fine”, Aramis said. “I’ll take care of the breakfast tray and set up the films.”

Porthos smiled and leaned over to kiss Aramis and pull him up from the bed. Aramis chuckled and kissed Porthos as well and hugged him.

“I’ll be fine”, Aramis said and smiled sweetly at Porthos. “You lifted my mood; I’ll be okay.”

Porthos smiled and kissed Aramis’ temple. They both knew it wasn’t just his mood that morning Aramis was referring but his overall mood which made Porthos’ heart swell with pride.

He was going to get his beloved Aramis through all the pain he’d have to experience.

“Oh, how I love you”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ hair again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	31. Explosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter has been written!! I was inspired by Lady_Neve's prompt and managed to integrate it to another idea of mine :D There will be another chapter related to this one which I'll try to post as soon as I can so in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one :D

_“Aramis? Am I interrupting anything?”_

Athos’ voice sounded slightly static when he spoke on the phone. For some reason, it sounded to Aramis that he was standing outside in the rain – he really didn’t know what the weather was like since he hadn’t gotten up even once that Sunday. Porthos was working a long shift that wouldn’t end until 8 p.m. and Aramis hadn’t been able to bring himself to get up because somehow it all felt so meaningless to him. Louise had jumped on the bed next to Aramis during the morning and placed her head on his chest in what felt like a comforting gesture even though the dog couldn’t probably understand why Aramis hadn’t gotten up.

“No, you aren’t”, Aramis said. “I should actually take Louise for a walk soon.”

 _“Good”,_ Athos said from the other end of the line. _“I, uh, I’m kind of drunk and I need a ride… Could you come pick me up?”_

“Can you give me fifteen minutes?” Aramis asked. “I really have to take Louise for a walk. Where are you?”

 _“Sure; I can wait”_ , Athos said. _“I actually have no idea where I am… I was hoping you could locate me with your GPS thing?”_

 _Oh God, Athos_ , Aramis thought. “I’ll look up your location while I’m walking with Louise. Get somewhere you can sit and stay dry. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.”

_“I will. Thanks, Aramis.”_

Athos ended the call and as soon as Aramis was sure Athos couldn’t hear, he cursed. He forced himself to get up from the bed and change into jeans and Porthos’ huge hooded sweater.

“Louise, we’re going for a walk!” Aramis called. Louise barked happily and jumped down from the bed. Aramis picked up his keys and put them into his pocket with his phone. He then picked up Louise’s leash and attached it to her collar and so they could walk out.

Aramis opened the tracking app on his phone as he walked and located Athos at the corner of Pont de Bercy. Aramis sighed and hoped Athos wouldn’t move from where he was because Aramis couldn’t drive while looking at his phone (a habit that Porthos had gotten out of him) and so Aramis decided to call Athos when he’d leave to pick him up.

Aramis’ teeth were clattering and his legs were shaking violently as he and Louise returned from the walk. He poured some dry food out for both Louise and Madeleine as he grabbed his car keys and locked the front door. He headed to his car and dialled Athos’ number.

“Athos, I’m about to start the car”, Aramis said as soon as Athos answered the phone. “Can you stay where you are now? It’ll take me about fifteen minutes to drive there.”

 _“I can”,_ Athos said with relief in his voice. _“Thank you, Aramis. I couldn’t really ask Porthos or d’Artagnan because they’re still working…”_

“It’s fine”, Aramis said. “Just stay where you are and I’ll pick you up.”

_“I will. Thanks.”_

Aramis sighed as he ended the call and started the car. He began driving and he noticed how grey the clouds were. The day felt outright miserable even though it was only 6 p.m. but then again, Aramis had already felt rather miserable.

Aramis reached Pont de Bercy rather quickly and soon noticed Athos sitting on a bench right next to the bridge. Aramis opened the window and called Athos. Athos soon noticed the car and jogged to it.

“You’re a lifesaver, Aramis”, Athos said with his speech slightly slurred as he sat down on the front seat.

“It’s nothing, Athos”, Aramis muttered. “Did you just need a lift home?”

“Yes”, Athos breathed and leaned his head back. “I can’t thank you enough; I was completely lost here…”

“That tends to happen when you get drunk”, Aramis said with a small smile on his lips. “When we get to your place, I was wondering if I could take a short rest there…”

“Sure”, Athos said and looked at Aramis’ hands that were gripping the steering wheel. “Are you alright?”

“Just a little low on energy”, Aramis said and flashed a well-learned fake smile at Athos. “I’ll be fine after a little rest.”

“Your hands tell another story”, Athos said. “You’re gripping that steering wheel so hard your knuckles are white.”

“I’m fine”, Aramis said.

Athos hummed and gave Aramis a suspicious look. He had noticed Aramis’ voice wavering ever so slightly and he could only imagine what would have gotten Aramis in that state.

They drove in silence all the way to Athos’ apartment building. Aramis parked the car and followed Athos into the building and the elevator. Aramis tapped the elevator wall with his fingers until the elevator reached Athos’ floor. Athos then walked to his apartment and opened the door, letting Aramis in. Aramis leaned on the wall for support when he suddenly realised his legs wouldn’t keep him up so he just slid down on the floor and took off his shoes.

“You can get in, you know”, Athos said as he realised Aramis hadn’t moved after taking off his shoes.

“Oh, I _could_ ”, Aramis said, “but my legs seem to have decided to not carry me.”

When Athos frowned confusedly, Aramis said, “I hadn’t gotten up before you called me. I’m not even sure how I managed to have enough energy to get to you…”

“You should have told me”, Athos whispered as he knelt next to Aramis and hugged him. Aramis hummed and leaned his head sideways on Athos’ head.

“You needed help and I was available”, Aramis said. “What kind of friend wouldn’t help?”

“A friend who has a damn good reason not to”, Athos said and squeezed Aramis’ shoulders. “You’re ill, Aramis; you can’t take the weight of everyone else’s problems on your shoulders.”

Aramis offered Athos a shaky smile as Athos pulled away from the hug. Athos shook his head and sighed as he helped Aramis back to his feet and helped him on the sofa in the living room. Athos’ cat Tommy jumped on Aramis’ lap and began rubbing his head on Aramis’ chest.

“Hey there, Tommy”, Aramis said with a soft smile on his face. Tommy meowed at Aramis and settled down on his lap. Aramis began stroking his fur as Athos emerged from the kitchen with two glasses of water in his hands.

“I thought these might help”, Athos said as he sat down and placed the glasses on the table. “Have you eaten anything today?”

“I haven’t”, Aramis said. “I should ask Porthos to –”

Aramis’ sentence was interrupted by a loud noise from the outside of the building. Athos cursed and Aramis knocked over his glass of water in his haste to get up and grab the nearest blunt object. His hands found a glass vase and he backed all the way to the living room wall so that nothing could approach him from behind.

“What was that?” Aramis asked breathlessly. Athos got up from the sofa and walked to the window to see what had caused the noise. As he opened the curtain, he noticed a car on fire on the road.

“I think a car exploded”, Athos said slowly. “Where did you leave yours again?”

Aramis slowly walked to the window. When he reached Athos, he almost dropped the glass vase and Athos only barely saved it from shattering.

“I think that was my car”, Aramis whispered. “I left it behind that Fiat and in front of that Subaru… That exploded car must have been mine…”

“Oh, thank god you were here”, Athos said as his face paled. “If you had left as soon as you’d dropped me…”

“I would have been in the car if today hadn’t been one of my bad days”, Aramis realised suddenly. “I usually go pick Porthos up from his Sunday evening shifts and then we go eat out but because today was a bad day, he’d gone in his own car…”

“Porthos’ shift hasn’t ended yet so someone was targeting you specifically”, Athos muttered. “I’ll call the police.”

“I’ll call Porthos”, Aramis muttered and then suddenly cursed. “I left my phone in the car! Can I borrow your phone when you’re done with your call?”

“Sure”, Athos said as he dialled the emergency number. Aramis walked back to the sofa and sat down. He wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt of warming himself up. He noticed he was shaking only when Athos sat down next to him and placed a steady hand on his shoulder. He could distantly hear sirens as Athos placed his phone in Aramis’ hands.

“Call him”, Athos said. Aramis nodded and dialled Porthos’ number and put the phone on speaker.

 _“Athos?”_ Porthos’ frantic voice asked as the line opened. _“We got an alert of an exploded car near your house. What happened?”_

“It was my car”, Aramis said, his voice surprisingly steady. “I’d gone to give Athos a ride because he was drunk and I was up here at his apartment when the car exploded.”

 _“Aramis?”_ Porthos’ voice sounded disbelieving. _“Are you and Athos alright? I’m coming there as soon as I can, just stay there please!”_

“We’re fine”, Athos said as he took the phone from Aramis’ shaking hand, “just quite shaken. Please do come over because I’m too drunk to drive and Aramis needs a drive home. And a new phone; his was in the car that exploded.”

 _“Yes, I’ll leave as soon as my shift ends”_ , Porthos said. _“I still have to finish a report; it will take five minutes at most. Aramis, I’ll be there in half an hour at most; stay there and wait for me. I’ll ask Treville to give me an update on the explosion when the investigation ends. Love you. Bye.”_

“Bye”, Aramis whispered as the line went dead. Athos ended the call from their side as well and put the phone on the table and then noticed the water on the table and floor.

“I’ll have to dry that up”, he said mechanically and fetched a towel and began drying the wet wood. Aramis was leaning his head on the wall and staring at the ceiling.

When Athos was done with the drying, he went to dump the wet towel into his laundry basket and then returned to Aramis and hugged him – to comfort Aramis or himself? He wasn’t quite sure which. They stayed that way until the doorbell rang and Athos got up to open the door for Porthos who was panting from running the stairs all the way up.

“Where…?” Porthos asked and Athos motioned to the living room. Porthos kicked off his shoes and ran to the living room where Aramis had just stood up. Porthos ran the last few steps to Aramis and hugged him with so much force that if he hadn’t been holding Aramis, Aramis would have been knocked over.

“You’re alive”, Porthos whispered and kissed Aramis’ temple and buried his nose in Aramis’ hair. “Thank god, you’re alive… You could have died, god, you really could have died, I…”

“Shh, love, I’m alive”, Aramis breathed and he placed his hand over Porthos’ heart. “Your heart’s thundering, love…”

“That tends to happen when you hear your husband could have died”, Porthos remarked and chuckled. “Tends to put you off, you see…”

“Oh, I do”, Aramis said with a soft smile but then pulled away and looked at Porthos’ face. “Someone targeted me. They knew I’d pick you up from your Sunday shift and that I would have been in the car during the explosion. That car is in perfect shape, Porthos, it must have been a bomb.”

“Oh god”, Porthos whispered as he sat down on the sofa. “Do you… do you have any idea who could have done this?”

“I’m a coroner with fairly little enemies”, Aramis said as he sat next to Porthos. “My best guess is that it was someone from Savoy which gives us no leads. And if they know my schedule, they must have been following us for months. That makes them dangerous.”

“What should we do?” Athos asked.

“Seeing as I have work tomorrow, I suggest we all go to work tomorrow and try to figure out what exploded my car”, Aramis said. “Whoever the bomber was, they won’t try to attack me tomorrow. They’ll need a plan before trying to hurt me again.”

“I have a day out tomorrow”, Porthos said. “I can drop you off at the morgue and pick you up when your work ends. I’d feel safer if you let me do that.”

“Of course”, Aramis said. “I appreciate that.”

Porthos sighed in relief as Aramis hugged him once more. Going from thinking your husband was perfectly safe to almost having him murdered within half an hour really wasn’t good for his heart.

Later that night, when the two men were sleeping, Porthos was holding Aramis like he was Porthos’ last lifeline just to make sure Aramis wouldn’t be able to disappear during the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	32. Re(-scheduled) attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand the second part of the technically two-part chapter is up! Of course, this works as a one-shot but having read the latest chapter helps you understand a lot more :D
> 
> Warnings for some violence and Rochefort and also some tooth-rotting fluff.

Aramis sighed as he wrote the autopsy report. He was counting minutes until his shift at the morgue ended so that Porthos could pick him up and get him home. He needed a new phone as the previous one had been in his car that had exploded the previous evening. He was furious with whoever had made his car explode since his phone had contained some photos of Lucia that had had no copies and although he had taken most of his photos with his digital camera, the loss of his photos made him angry regardless. He kept punching the keys of the computer to calm his anger somehow.

“You really are angry”, Fleur remarked from the autopsy room where she was cleaning the table. “Do you want any food? That might calm you down a little.”

“I’d love some”, Aramis said. “I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast…”

“I’ll go get something from the snack bar”, Fleur said. “You have to eat something, you know.”

“Thanks!” Aramis called after Fleur. He then sighed and continued writing the report, rubbing his aching head.

He really just wanted to go home to Porthos but he’d promised he’d let Porthos pick him up when his shift ended so he was stuck at his office. He had been so intent to find things to do to distract himself that he’d forgotten his lunchtime altogether.

“I got you a sandwich”, Fleur said and threw the food at Aramis from the office door. “Also, there was a really handsome man at the reception.”

“Oh?” Aramis asked. “I didn’t know you were interested in living people.”

“Very funny”, Fleur said and sat next to Aramis. “He had beautiful blond hair and piercing blue eyes… Looked like a real prince to me.”

“Sounds like a person that worked in the same company as I did when I still studied at university”, Aramis said. “He disappeared shortly before I quit, if I remember right. He was actually rather shady, always looking at the boss’s wife like he owned her… And his eyes would have made any hard-boiled gangster wet themselves.”

“Why do you always have so many shady co-workers?” Fleur asked and followed Aramis to the printer outside the office where the report was slowly printing. “Do you remember his name?”

“Rochefort”, Aramis said quietly. “I can’t remember his first name and everyone called him just Rochefort anyway.”

“It was Henri de Rochefort”, a voice said from the entrance of the morgue. Aramis turned around so fast that he almost felt his neck snapping and saw his old co-worker from the time he had still worked for Louis Bourbon.

“What on earth are you doing here?” Aramis asked confusedly. “No one has been called to identify a body as far as I know…”

“Oh no, it was you I came here for”, Rochefort said and looked at Aramis with those piercingly blue eyes of his. Aramis backed a few steps as Rochefort began walking towards him. “Originally you were supposed to be gone that night in Savoy but you so persistently lived and since I knew where you would be, I started looking for the one who had disappeared from the campsite. I would never have guessed that you’d end up shooting him yourself.”

 _This can’t be happening_ , Aramis thought as he begun understanding what the man in front of him was saying. _That’s why he disappeared…_

“Regrettably I had to go into hiding soon after”, Rochefort said, “but having seen your mental state, I thought you’d kill yourself soon enough. I was honestly rather disappointed you hadn’t killed yourself in the five or so years I was in hiding and then you managed to evade the bomb I made specifically for you…”

Aramis noticed that Fleur was nowhere to be seen, much to his relief. He knew he wouldn’t be able to run from Rochefort who had just been revealed to be one of the men who had killed the twenty dead in Savoy.

 _Oh, Porthos, I’m so sorry_ , Aramis thought as he closed his eyes. _I don’t think I’ll make it home today…_

“This feels almost too easy after all the trouble you put me through with not killing yourself”, Rochefort sighed. “Well, we can take our time now that the clever assistant of yours left.”

“You do realise she’ll call the police?” Aramis asked weakly.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that”, Rochefort whispered as he grabbed Aramis’ neck and slammed Aramis against the wall. “You’ll be beyond help when they reach us.”

Aramis gasped as he tried to breathe in. Rochefort’s fingers were curling tighter around his neck as Aramis fought to draw some air into his lungs.

“You’ll join your mother soon”, Rochefort said with a blank stare in his eyes. He pushed Aramis on the ground and kicked his midsection. “That was for staying alive so stubbornly”, he said as he kicked Aramis again. “And that was for impregnating Anne. You had no right to do it; she belongs to me and me alone!”

“She belongs to herself”, Aramis gasped, “and herself alone. Not to me and certainly not to you.”

Rochefort’s lips quirked upwards and he pushed Aramis against the wall again, with so much force that Aramis head banged on it and for a moment he saw stars. He barely noticed Rochefort taking a knife out of his coat pocket until a shout rang in the room.

“Put that knife down or I’ll shoot!”

 _Athos_ , Aramis thought as he recognised the voice. He had no time to react before Porthos’ voice sounded in the room as well.

“Don’t you dare to think we wouldn’t shoot for one moment. Put the knife down, now!”

Aramis could hear Rochefort snorting and suddenly felt pain on the inside of his left wrist. Porthos roared and there was a gunshot and suddenly Aramis wasn’t being held down by anything. He tried to get up, only to be stopped by searing pain in his side and a sudden coughing fit. He crashed down on the floor and noticed he’d coughed up blood.

“Aramis!” Porthos shouted and soon Aramis felt Porthos’ strong hands gripping his left arm and putting pressure on the place he had felt the pain. “That rotten bastard cut your wrist. Don’t worry, love; help is on the way. We told Fleur to get the paramedic team from the hospital here as fast as she could.”

“I might… not make it home tonight”, Aramis gasped through the pain. “I’m… sorry…”

“Shh, it’s absolutely fine”, Porthos whispered and Aramis realised Porthos’ hand was in his hair, massaging his scalp. “Help is coming and you’ll be fine and then we can go home. Don’t you dare give up on me now, Aramis, I can’t lose you. You’ll be fine, darling, I love you so much…”

Aramis noticed something wet on his forehead and tried to raise his right hand to cup Porthos’ cheek. His hand wouldn’t really cooperate and instead of cupping Porthos’ cheek, Aramis managed to smack his temple to which Porthos reacted by letting out a sound that sounded like a mixture of a sob and laugh.

“’s fine”, Aramis mumbled as he felt his consciousness slipping away. The last thing he knew was the feeling of Porthos kissing his forehead.

* * *

The first thing Aramis knew when he woke up was that a strong hand was holding his right hand. The sensation made his stomach warm and his heart flutter a little because for all he knew, the hand must have been Porthos’.

The next thing Aramis knew was Porthos snoring right next to him. Loudly. Aramis honestly couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’re awake”, a voice said from Aramis’ left side. Aramis turned his head and saw a worried-looking d’Artagnan looking at him and a relieved smile forming on his face. “Porthos. Porthos! Aramis is awake.”

Porthos groaned and shifted as he woke up. Aramis turned to look at Porthos the moment he opened his eyes and grinned at him.

“Hey there, darling”, Porthos whispered and smiled. “You gave us a proper scare there…”

“Sorry”, Aramis said, his voice oddly hoarse. “I honestly didn’t think he’d come for me the day after he tried to blow up my car…”

Porthos chuckled and kissed Aramis softly. At that very moment, they heard the door opening and Athos walked in.

“You’re finally awake”, Athos sighed. “The man who attacked you is in custody and has admitted to leading the attack that killed the twenty companions you had at Savoy as well as attacking you at the morgue and blowing up your car. He will have a trial and will be sentenced accordingly.”

“So, it was him all this time?” Aramis asked softly. “Did he name any names?”

“He named the other attackers”, Athos told. “There’s warrants for all of them.”

“You’ll finally have closure”, d’Artagnan said quietly.

“Finally, indeed”, Aramis whispered. “How long do I have to stay here?”

“The doctor wants you to stay here overnight”, Porthos said. “He wants to make sure your head is alright; you had a concussion when they brought you in. I’ll drive you home tomorrow and stay with you through the night; doctor Lemay has already approved so you won’t get rid of me. And Ninon asked me to make sure that you stay home for at least a week; she doesn’t want her best coroner coming back to work too early.”

Aramis chuckled and squeezed Porthos’ fingers. Porthos smiled at him and ran his thumb over Aramis knuckles.

* * *

The next day Aramis was discharged and Porthos drove home. They were greeted by Louise who had been walked by Constance and d’Artagnan. Porthos caught the dog before she could bounce on Aramis whose ribs were still healing after Rochefort’s attack. Louise licked Aramis’ fingers before letting him in the house and then ran into the living room.

Later in the evening, after the dinner, Aramis was sitting on the sofa while Porthos was cleaning away the dishes. Porthos had forbidden him from doing any lifting and had told Aramis to wait on the sofa. Soon he emerged from the kitchen carrying two plates with steaming cinnamon rolls.

“Oh, Porthos you shouldn’t”, Aramis said as Porthos placed one of the plates on Aramis’ hand and sat next to Aramis.

“I absolutely should”, Porthos said as he wrapped an arm around Aramis’ waist and kissed his temple. “Comfort food is in order after all that’s happened.”

“And you most certainly know mine”, Aramis said as he leaned his head on Porthos’ neck. He let out a happy sigh as soon as he took a bite of the cinnamon roll. “Thank you, Porthos.”

“Always”, Porthos said and kissed Aramis’ temple again. “I’m so damn glad you made it. I love you.”

“And I love you”, Aramis whispered.

Porthos wrapped his arms around Aramis’s waist while Aramis still ate his cinnamon roll. Porthos gently hummed a song he’d heard Aramis listening. When Aramis finished eating his cinnamon roll, Porthos took the plate and put it on the small table next to the sofa. He then pulled Aramis a bit closer to himself and put his feet on the sofa while Aramis did the same.

“You want to do anything?” Porthos asked quietly while leaning his cheek on Aramis’ head.

“No”, Aramis mumbled. “Let’s just stay like this for a while; this feels safe. We can talk about something if you want to…”

“Hmm”, Porthos hummed. “I love you.”

Aramis smiled and kissed Porthos’ neck. Porthos then chuckled and leaned down to kiss Aramis on the lips.

Almost an hour later, Porthos realised Aramis had fallen asleep in his arms and was breathing softly. Porthos sighed fondly and gently lifted him up and carried him upstairs in his arms. He gently placed Aramis on their bed and kissed his forehead before pulling the covers up all the way to his shoulders. He then lay down next to Aramis and smiled at the peaceful look Aramis had on his face.

Oh, how glad he was to have Aramis home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always, loved, appreciated and cherished!
> 
> I can be found on tumblr as talvenhenki if anyone is interested in my weird blabberings :D


	33. A little shopping help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was given the prompt for this chapter by the amazing Lady_Neve and as always, I managed to expand the prompt a little :D I hope you'll like what I wrote; I did it in rather high fever :"D

Aramis woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He opened his eyes and looked at the screen that showed d’Artagnan’s caller ID. Aramis answered the call, mumbling something incoherent while his brain tried to work out why d’Artagnan would call him on a weekday; Aramis thought d’Artagnan was working a shift with Athos and Porthos.

 _“Were you sleeping at two P.M?”_ d’Artagnan asked with laughter in his voice from the other side of the line.

“I… dozed off on the sofa”, Aramis answered with his brain still muddy. “Aren’t you working a shift with Athos and Porthos? Did something happen to either of them?”

 _“Ah, no; I’m off today”_ , d’Artagnan explained. _“I was kind of wondering if you could help me with something? I’m looking for a gift to Constance and I need help with choosing one…”_

“Oh, sure”, Aramis said. “When do you need me?”

 _“I could drive over and pick you up in half an hour if that’s fine?”_ d’Artagnan suggested. _“It’ll be easier with just one car, don’t you think?”_

“Yes. Sure”, Aramis muttered. “Come pick me up; I’ll be ready in half an hour. How long will we be gone? I’ll need to know if I have to take my painkillers with me.”

 _“Well, I just asked Porthos if you two could come over for dinner today”_ , d’Artagnan said, _“so I’d assume a long time.”_

“Sure”, Aramis mumbled. “I’ll just get my things. See you.”

Aramis put down his phone and rubbed his face. He had been holed inside Porthos and his house for a few days because of Rochefort’s attack and he’d done virtually nothing else than read almost every book inside the house – even the one that was in Russian that he really didn’t understand. It was good to finally go outside and do something, although Aramis very much hoped d’Artagnan didn’t want him to carry anything because he’d been given strict orders not to carry anything heavy for at least two weeks.

D’Artagnan drove over very soon and picked Aramis up. Aramis yawned widely as he sat in the car and fastened his seat belt.

“Have you actually managed to destroy your sleep schedule in three days?” d’Artagnan asked jokingly.

“No, it’s the painkillers”, Aramis muttered. “They make me damn sleepy… That’s why I was dozing off when you called.”

“Oh”, d’Artagnan said. “How long will you need them?”

“The prescription is for two weeks”, Aramis said. “Oh, if you are going to buy something heavy, I won’t be able to help; my doctor and Porthos will have my head if I try to lift anything heavy.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t buy anything heavy”, d’Artagnan said and blushed a little. “I’m kind of… going to propose to Constance.”

“Really?” Aramis almost exclaimed, his previous tiredness forgotten. “So wait, are we going to look for engagement rings?”

“Yes”, d’Artagnan said, blushing even harder. “I kind of needed someone who knows about these things. And I thought you probably needed to get out a little too; I mean, you’ve been just staying at home from what Porthos has told me…”

“You do realise I wasn’t the one who proposed?” Aramis reminded d’Artagnan and raised his eyebrows. “It was Porthos who proposed after I thought he’d died… Maybe you shouldn’t aim for such dramatics?”

“Dear god no”, d’Artagnan muttered. “No dramatics, please.”

“So, what have you planned?” Aramis asked when d’Artagnan’s blush gradually faded away.

“I… was thinking of getting her one of those games that you have to solve to open the box inside”, d’Artagnan muttered. “I thought about hiding the ring inside… Is that a completely idiotic idea?”

“That’s something you’d think of”, Aramis said, smiling. “It’s a fun idea. Constance loves those little games, does she not?”

“She does”, d’Artagnan said. “Can you open those boxes?”

“I did go to medical school”, Aramis said, “but it’s been a while and I’ve never really had any of those games. I can always cheat and use the instructions that come with the package.”

“…that’s fair”, d’Artagnan said after a short pause. “I didn’t realise we were allowed to do that.”

Aramis burst out laughing, startling d’Artagnan who almost stopped the car by accident. He glared half-heartedly at Aramis who was holding his ribs while laughing.

“I didn’t realise that for the longest time either”, Aramis said. “But then I got a Rubik’s cube and grew so frustrated at it that I just googled how to solve it.”

“I see”, d’Artagnan said and the chuckled. “You cheated.”

“Yes”, Aramis said. “So, if you need me to open one of those games, I might just cheat if I don’t figure it out.”

“Do that”, d’Artagnan said. “Then I won’t feel bad about cheating.”

“Well, then it’s good you have me doing the things you’d feel bad for”, Aramis said, “like tracking people’s phones and cheating at intelligence games.”

“Yes, it’s good to have you”, d’Artagnan mumbled as he pulled over into a parking lot. “That’s the jewellery store I was thinking of; they have nice rings.”

“Sounds good”, Aramis said. “Am I here just as a judge or do you need any advice?”

“You’re just judging the rings”, d’Artagnan said. “I’ll need you more with the box because I’m no good at solving those things.”

“Okay”, Aramis said. “I’ll just look around then.”

In the end, d’Artagnan decided to buy a simple silver ring with a small pearl for Constance. Aramis had almost managed to talk d’Artagnan into buying a rose quartz or an amethyst (“You know, pearls are actually just composed of the saliva of a seashell…”) but d’Artagnan wouldn’t listen to him. After buying the ring, they walked back to the car to take a short breather before starting to look for the game they could hide the ring inside.

“I’m pretty sure that store employee thought we were getting married”, d’Artagnan muttered. “And by the looks of it she wasn’t very happy about the idea…”

“Should I go tell her that I’m already married and love my husband very much?” Aramis asked.

“No, I have a better idea”, d’Artagnan said. “I’ll leave a review of the store and mention the employee. She’ll hear from her employer soon enough. I don’t understand it, though; since anyone can marry anyone now, people, especially those in marriage business, shouldn’t be so hateful. At least not so openly.”

“I agree”, Aramis muttered. “Hell, even the Pope himself hasn’t publicly said anything against sexual minorities which is kind of a big deal for the church, obviously.”

“Wow”, d’Artagnan said. “Sounds like it.”

“Even my father seems to be quite fine with sexual minorities”, Aramis said with a nervous laugh. “I mean, he hasn’t cut off contact with me, after all.”

“He’d be mad to do that”, d’Artagnan said as he pulled over near a toy shop and got out of the car.

“A toy shop?” Aramis asked. “Do you think we’d find a good box here?”

“I couldn’t think of any other places”, d’Artagnan said uncertainly. “Let’s just ask an employee.”

The young woman working in the toy shop was quickly able to find a suitable box for d’Artagnan when he explained what he was looking for. She wished d’Artagnan good luck with the proposal and told Aramis not to cheat right away with solving the cube and even waved them goodbye as they left.

“She was nice”, Aramis commented as they got back to the car and he began trying to open the box.

“She was”, d’Artagnan agreed. “So, now it’s just the drive to my place. Porthos said he’ll be coming at seven and he’ll pick up Constance. We have… four hours to open that box and hide the ring. Or you have. I’ll have to begin the cooking in three hours.”

“What are we going to eat?” Aramis asked.

“I was thinking of carbonara”, d’Artagnan said. “I honestly forgot to think about the dinner.”

“Oh no, d’Artagnan; you have to feed us”, Aramis said with a laugh. D’Artagnan chuckled as well as he drove.

They reached d’Artagnan’s apartment soon and set to work. D’Artagnan fetched some paper and wrote down the line “will you marry me” in his best handwriting while Aramis tried to solve the cube. For some time, they worked in comfortable silence until d’Artagnan broke it.

“I’m really glad you’re well”, he said quietly. “When Athos called me, and told that Rochefort had attacked you, for a moment I feared that you’d died… When you tried to kill yourself, I thought that the world was ending; you had been the kindest and the most supportive friend ever and finding out you had lived in self-hate, I just… I’d always thought you so confident and everything that I had never realised how much you were hurting!”

“It’s alright, d’Artagnan”, Aramis said and placed his hand on d’Artagnan’s shoulder.

“It’s not!” d’Artagnan protested. “No one had noticed how much you were hurting; it just isn’t alright!”

“I was trying to hide it all so people wouldn’t be able to stop me”, Aramis explained but d’Artagnan shook his head.

“The thing is”, d’Artagnan said, “you’re one of my best friends and I really don’t want to lose you. You and Porthos were the first ones to truly accept me in your group when I knew no one. I… I guess I’m trying to say that I’ve honestly been a terrible friend because I haven’t been able to help you when you needed it. I’m really sorry for that and I just… Please don’t die yet; I’m not ready to lose any of you.”

“It’s alright, d’Artagnan”, Aramis said, smiling reassuringly at his young friend. “This is still a little secret because I might relapse but I haven’t actively been thinking of hurting myself for months, which means that I’m getting better. Even though I can’t promise it right now, I promise that I won’t actively want to kill myself in the future – I’ve already gone for a whole month without thinking of my own death which is a long time. At one time in my life the thought of killing myself was in me for every second. I promise I won’t die, especially not now when you’re going to propose. I would hug you right now if my doctor hadn’t forbidden me from lifting my arms yet.”

D’Artagnan immediately hugged Aramis, wrapping his arms around Aramis’ shoulders. Aramis smiled and leaned his head on d’Artagnan’s while moving the pieces of the cube to open it which suddenly resulted in a small clicking sound.

“It opened”, Aramis said as a grin formed on his face.

“That was fast”, d’Artagnan mumbled as he finally pulled away from the embrace. He took the box from Aramis’ hands and ran his hand over his eyes in a motion that made Aramis sure he was wiping his eyes.

 _I made the poor boy cry_ , Aramis thought with a pang of guilt hitting his chest. _He’s so young and uncertain and I made him much more so by being the fool I am…_

“I… I think I’ll start cooking”, d’Artagnan muttered. “You can… just make yourself home. Tell me if you need anything.”

“A glass of water would be nice”, Aramis said. “I should take my medication. I might get a little drowsy after that.”

“That’s alright”, d’Artagnan said as he gave Aramis a glass full of water. Aramis fished one painkiller from the little jar in his coat pocket and swallowed it with some water. He then sat down on the sofa and began chatting with d’Artagnan rather absentmindedly. He soon began feeling like closing his eyes for a moment.

For just one moment…

* * *

“Why is Aramis sleeping on your sofa?” Constance asked after she and Porthos had walked into d’Artagnan’s apartment.

“We went shopping a little before coming here to prepare the food”, d’Artagnan explained. “His pain medication makes him sleepy. He fell asleep because of his medication.”

“Oh, poor darling”, Constance muttered. “He’s getting better, isn’t he?”

“Oh, he is”, d’Artagnan said confidently as he watched Porthos walking to the sofa and sitting on its edge. “He reassured me that he sure is.”

“That’s good to know”, Constance said while looking at Aramis slowly opening his eyes.

“…something is weird here”, Aramis muttered quietly. Porthos chuckled and kissed Aramis’ forehead.

“We’re at d’Artagnan’s”, Porthos said and smiled at Aramis who answered Porthos’ smile with his own, sleepy smile.

“Ah, that’s it”, Aramis mumbled. “I must have fallen asleep…”

Back in the kitchen, d’Artagnan placed a small box in Constance’s hands and told her it was a little game she was supposed to solve and then answer to the question inside it.

Not even a week later, Constance managed to open the box and immediately called d’Artagnan to tell him that of course she’d marry him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	34. Oh, Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reunions, hugs and love happen
> 
> I wrote this instead of the d'Artagnan wedding and doing my homework...

The small woman that was at the door looked to Aramis exactly like Porthos. She had a kind and round face and her eyes were rich brown, like the richest soil or the darkest night sky that housed billions of stars that Aramis so loved. Her hair was in tight curls, just like Porthos’ was but hers was longer and slightly greyer. She was rather small and there were obvious marks of age in her face as she looked at Aramis in surprise. For a moment, she looked around confusedly and then took out a piece of paper from her handbag.

“I was told that Porthos du Vallon lives here, in this address”, the woman said, a strange accent in her voice. “Has he moved out?”

“No, he lives here”, Aramis said. “He’s my husband. He just came home, in fact; would you like me to get him here or would you like to come inside?”

“I would like to come inside, if I may”, the woman said and smiled softly, a smile just like Porthos’. “I spent an hour looking for this house.”

“Oh dear, you must be exhausted”, Aramis breathed and moved out of the way so that the woman could come in. “Please do come in; I’ll go get Porthos. You can sit in the living room.”

“Thank you, dear boy”, the woman said. “You are so very kind.”

Aramis smiled and walked upstairs to the bedroom where Porthos was pulling a t-shirt over his head. Aramis chuckled and leaned on the doorframe, waiting for Porthos to turn around.

“There’s someone waiting for you downstairs”, Aramis said when Porthos looked at him. “It must be important; she said she’d been looking this house for an hour.”

“And who is this mystery person?” Porthos asked as he walked to Aramis and gave him a little kiss.

“I didn’t ask for her name”, Aramis said, “but she looked a lot like you… It was like looking at an older version of you.”

“That’s weird”, Porthos said and made a surprised face. “I better go see who this mystery woman is.”

Aramis kissed Porthos’ cheek and smiled at him as he walked downstairs. Aramis followed hallway in the staircase but let Porthos and the mystery woman have their privacy. It was the soft gasp from Porthos that made Aramis look inside the living room – Porthos was hugging the older woman who was most certainly crying.

“They told me you were dead”, Porthos whispered hoarsely. “They always told me you were dead and that’s why they put me in the foster homes… Where were you?”

“I’m so sorry”, the woman whispered through her tears. “Oh, my dear son, I’m so sorry!”

That was when it hit Aramis; the mystery woman was Porthos’ mother. That was why she’d looked so similar to him and why she’d been looking for him. It still didn’t explain how she was alive and in their living room hugging Porthos and why she’d been gone for years but it was a start.

“I was kidnapped”, the woman whispered. “They took me from the crossroads and smuggled me away. I was only saved two months ago by the local police; I had been kept as a servant for a big family…”

“Where did they take you?”, Porthos asked. “How far away did they take you?”

“It was the Soviet Union at first but then it fell”, the woman told, “I think it was in Georgia… I couldn’t understand their language at first but I learned…”

“Oh, thank god you’re back now”, Porthos whispered and laughed wetly. “Oh, thank god…”

“And I’m so lucky to get to see my son again all grown up”, the woman said. “I’ll never leave again, I promise.”

Porthos laughed wetly and hugged the woman again. Then he pulled away and turned to look at the stairway where Aramis was sitting, trying to give the two their privacy but still too curious not to listen to their conversation.

“I know you’re in there, Aramis”, Porthos said. “Come down here and meet my mother.”

“It’s very nice to meet you”, Aramis said as he walked downstairs, smiling sheepishly. “I’m Aramis, Porthos’ husband – as I think I already told you.”

“Nice to meet you, Aramis”, the woman said warmly – just like Porthos. “I’m Marie-Cesette, Porthos’ mother. I’m sorry I just came here with no warning.”

“It’s quite alright, really”, Aramis said. “You’re family and family can always come here without warning. Actually, my daughter is coming over today and I would be thrilled if she could meet her grandmother so would you like to stay over for dinner?”

“I have a granddaughter?” Marie-Cesette asked. “When did this happen?”

“Well, biologically she’s only Aramis’”, Porthos explained. “But she calls me her father as much as she calls Aramis so that makes you her grandmother.”

“I can’t imagine how happy she will be to have one again”, Aramis whispered. “My mother died only a little while ago and she’s been missing her terribly…”

“Oh dear”, Marie-Cesette said. “I’m so sorry to hear that. What is your daughter called?”

“Her name is Lucia”, Aramis said. “She’ll be coming over in an hour, I think. Then you can get to know her better while I prepare dinner.”

“I would love that”, Marie-Cesette said with a soft, Porthos-like smile. Aramis briefly wondered if Porthos had ever seen Aramis in either of his parents.

“That would be nice indeed”, Porthos said. “We should… sit down, probably. I honestly have no idea how to do this… any of this, really.”

“It’s fine”, Aramis said. “It’ll probably take time. Do either of you want anything? Tea or coffee, perhaps? I can go make some.”

“I would love some tea”, Marie-Cesette said. “What about you, Porthos?”

“I’m fine just like this”, Porthos mumbled. “Thanks.”

Aramis smiled and walked into the kitchen, leaving Porthos alone with his mother. He could hear their voices laughing in the living room while he brewed the tea. He tried to understand what Porthos was feeling but found that he couldn’t possibly begin to fathom the storm of emotions Porthos was probably feeling. Going from thinking his mother was dead to seeing her alive and finding out she’d been kidnapped instead of dead could only feel confusing and probably would make Porthos blame himself for never looking for her, or so Aramis thought.

When he was ready with the tea, he gathered two cups on a tray with the teapot and little containers of sugar and honey. He then pushed the kitchen door open and carried the tray into the living room where Porthos and Marie-Cesette were talking and sitting on the sofa.

“I forgot to ask if you drink your tea with anything”, Aramis said, “so I brought some sugar and honey here. If you want milk or cream, I’m sure I can find some for you as well.”

“I’ll just take some sugar, please”, Marie-Cesette said. “Only two of them, please.”

“Here you go”, Aramis said as he dropped two sugars in the cup and handed it to Marie-Cesette.

“Thank you, dear”, she said as she accepted the cup. “This smells wonderful.”

“I’m glad you like it”, Aramis said, smiling as he sat down on one of the armchairs and dropped two sugars and some honey in his tea. Porthos snorted as he saw the amount of sweeteners Aramis had in his tea.

“It tastes very good”, Marie-Cesette said. “Thank you, Aramis. May I ask, how long have you been married?”

“Three months in a few days”, Porthos said. “Feels a lot longer, though, since we’d been together for almost five years before we married.”

“And a lot has happened during these three months”, Aramis said, sipping his tea. “It’s honestly a wonder that we’re sitting here and drinking tea…”

“Aramis almost died only a week ago”, Porthos explained, making Marie-Cesette gasp. “But I almost died only hours before I proposed to him so I guess we’re even…”

“Oh, god”, Marie-Cesette sighed. “Please try to keep yourselves together.”

“We try our best, ma’am”, Aramis said, smiling. “We’re just still learning; Porthos is a police officer, after all. I, on the other hand, have no excuse for almost dying other than very bad luck and persistent past that wants me gone.”

“You needn’t call me ma’am, Aramis”, Marie-Cesette said. “You’re my son-in-law – though it never occurred to me I could have one – so you can call me Marie. And I beg you, please keep each other safe. I do not want to lose my son or newly-acquired son-in-law so soon after meeting you again.”

“Will do”, Aramis said, smiling brightly. “I really like your mother, Porthos.”

“Well, she _is_ amazing”, Porthos said quietly. “Otherwise she wouldn’t be here, would she?”

“Stop it, boys”, Marie-Cesette laughed. “You’re making me blush.”

“Sorry”, Porthos mumbled. “I honestly have no idea how to do this…”

“It’s alright”, Marie-Cesette said, laying her hand on Porthos’. “I know it’ll take so much getting used to. From both of us.”

Porthos nodded and gave Marie-Cesette a tiny smile. The continued talking softly while Aramis read a book he had been reading before Marie-Cesette had rang the doorbell. They stayed that way until the doorbell rang again and Aramis almost sprung up so he could go open the door. (“That must be Lucia”, Porthos laughed.) The door revealed Lucia and Anne who had driven Lucia there as Aramis was lacking a car at that moment.

“Hey there, Lucia”, Aramis greeted as Lucia ran inside to hug him. “We have a special guest tonight. It turns out you have one more grandmother.”

“What do you mean?” Anne asked, looking rather surprised.

“Turns out Porthos’ mother is alive”, Aramis said as he lifted Lucia up so he could carry her on his hip. “She will be staying for dinner and is very eager to meet you, Lucia.”

“Oh”, Anne breathed. “You should go meet her, Lucia. I’ll talk with papá a little.”

“Okay!”, Lucia said and ran into the living room after Aramis let her back on the floor and she took off her shoes.

“You shouldn’t be picking Lucia up like that while your ribs are still healing”, Anna chastised Aramis who laughed awkwardly. “I… I have been seeing this man lately and I was wondering if it was alright for you that I introduced him to Lucia? I’d like them to meet since I’ve been thinking moving in with this man.”

“Sure”, Aramis said. “I think you should talk about that with Lucia first and see how she responds to the idea but I think it’s great for you to have found someone.”

“Yes, I will”, Anne said. “I’m glad you’re alright with this; I thought you should know if I was going to introduce a possible step-father to Lucia.”

“I’m happy you did but please remember it’s about your happiness too”, Aramis said. “You don’t need permission from me for things that concern your love life – we only have to make sure that Lucia is happy.”

“That’s true”, Anne said. “Thank you. I’ll be going now. Bye.”

“Bye”, Aramis said and closed the door as Anne left. He sighed and walked back into the living room where Lucia was talking with Marie-Cesette.

“I think I’ll start preparing the dinner soon”, Aramis said. “Will you be alright here?”

“Yes, we will”, Porthos said and walked to Aramis to hug him. “Thanks for doing this… I don’t really know if I could cook right now.”

“You stay with your mother”, Aramis said and gently stroked Porthos’ arm. “You have an eternity to catch up on.” With that, Aramis placed a soft kiss on Porthos’ lips and smiled at him.

“Yuck, they’re kissing”, Lucia muttered. “Kissing is gross.”

Marie-Cesette laughed when Porthos blushed because of Lucia’s words. Lucia crinkled her nose once before turning back to Marie-Cesette.

“Maybe one day you’ll find a person you’d want to kiss too”, Aramis laughed. “But there’s no hurry.”

“I won’t”, Lucia decided after a while. “Kissing is gross.”

“Okay”, Aramis said as he walked into the kitchen, smiling to himself. He began collecting whatever kitchenware he needed for cooking and began chopping the vegetables for the meal. When the dinner was cooking in the pot, the kitchen door opened and Porthos walked inside the kitchen and shut the door.

“Sorry”, Porthos mumbled. “I… I needed your presence for a bit. Felt kind of weird.”

“Oh, Porthos”, Aramis breathed and hugged Porthos. “It’s alright. I can only imagine how much it’s to take in so suddenly. It’ll take time and it won’t make you any worse; having to take time is what makes you human, darling.”

“Yeah”, Porthos mumbled. “Can we… can we just stay like this for a moment?”

“Yes”, Aramis said and tightened his embrace just a bit. He kissed Porthos’ cheek and hummed a melody that had been stuck in his head. When Porthos pulled away, Aramis grabbed his hands and asked, “Are you sure you’re fine now?”

“Yes”, Porthos said. “I’m fine. It helped to be with you…”

“That’s good”, Aramis said. “Now go be with your mother. Dinner will be ready soon enough.”

* * *

Later, when Aramis had already gone to bed and left Porthos talk with Marie-Cesette, he lay half-asleep, wondering if he should have stayed with Porthos a little bit longer. He could hear some rustling, most likely Porthos making the guest room bed for his mother whom they managed to persuade to stay overnight. Aramis could hear some whispering from the second-floor hallway – Lucia was already sleeping so they had to be quiet not to wake her – and the door opening and closing.

The bed dipped and Aramis could hear Porthos sighing as he lay down right next to Aramis. He felt Porthos grabbing his hand and placing it on his chest for silent support.

“How did it go?” Aramis whispered sleepily. Porthos turned to look at him, smiling.

“I honestly can’t still understand it”, Porthos whispered. “I could never even in my wildest dreams imagine that she’d be still alive… I can’t understand how stupid I was for not realising something was wrong when there was never a grave for her…”

Porthos’ breath hitched and he covered his mouth with his hand. Aramis pushed himself right next to Porthos to hug him as he let out a soft sob.

“I missed her so much”, Porthos whispered. “I can’t really even remember what she was like and I’m too afraid to ask now because what kind of son forgets his own mother?”

“A son who lost her when he was so young he can possibly remember it”, Aramis whispered, as he kissed Porthos’ temple. “You were five, Porthos; how much do you actually remember of your life when you were five?”

“Not much”, Porthos said. “Just bits and pieces. I only remember I had a mother… I couldn’t even remember how she looked like, to be honest.”

“Oh, Porthos”, Aramis muttered and kissed his forehead. He inhaled, as if to start saying something but when Porthos looked up, he saw that Aramis had already fallen asleep. Porthos chuckled and pulled Aramis into a hug, burying his face in Aramis’ hair.

Oh, he was truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	35. Arguments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild new update appears!! For this chapter I got the idea from Jasperslittlesister and I hope you can enjoy the chapter :D I kinda modified the prompt a little, I hope it's still satisfactory :"D

It wasn’t very often that Aramis and Porthos argued and even when they did, the arguments weren’t very big. The only times they argued, it was either when one was utterly tired after a long day or otherwise emotionally drained and would snap at the other. This happened the most when something in a case or autopsy hit too close to home or if children were hurt. So, when Lucia was in an amusement park with Constance and d’Artagnan and Aramis and Porthos were having a lazy morning, there shouldn’t have been any reasons for them to argue about anything.

They had made breakfast to be eaten in the living room and when Aramis was cleaning up the dishes and Porthos was filling the dishwasher, he accidentally dropped one of the cups Porthos had bought for him. He cursed and placed the dishes on the table and began collecting the shards from the floor.

“Shit”, Aramis mumbled. “I’m sorry, Porthos.”

“It’s fine; we can buy another”, Porthos said. Aramis chuckled but as he was collecting the shards, one of them cut his fingers and he cursed again. Porthos looked at him, asking what happened.

“I cut my fingers on these bloody things”, Aramis mumbled and stood up to take a paper towel to wrap it around his bleeding fingers.

“Hey, you should just put a band-aid on that”, Porthos said.

“It’s fine”, Aramis insisted. “It’s just a small cut; no need to waste band-aids for something so small.”

“It’s not wasting, Aramis”, Porthos said. “Even small cuts need to be cleaned so that they won’t get infected and get worse. Wait, I’ll go get some band-aids.”

Aramis sighed as Porthos left the room. He continued collecting the shards and when Porthos came back, he had managed to collect them all and was cleaning the little drops of tea from the floor.

“Here, let me help”, Porthos said and knelt down to clean up the last few drops. He then took Aramis’ hands in his and wrapped band-aids on his fingers so that the cuts wouldn’t be infected.

“You shouldn’t feel the need to do this for me”, Aramis muttered. “I’m not nearly important enough…”

“I’m doing it precisely because you won’t do it for yourself”, Porthos said. “I really just want you to understand that you _are_ important enough.”

“But there are those who need help more than I do”, Aramis mumbled.

“But if we always concentrate only on those who need the most help, people who need less help won’t be seen or heard”, Porthos said. “I know I can’t save everyone so I’m going to do what I can which is saving the man I love.”

“But what if I end up hurting you in the process?” Aramis asked softly. “I can’t be important enough to warrant that, surely.”

“Look, if you keep saying that, people will start thinking you’re unimportant and you’ll end up all alone!” Porthos suddenly snapped. Aramis gasped softly and suddenly Porthos understood what he had really said.

“I… I’ll go take Louise out for a walk”, Porthos mumbled and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Aramis standing alone in the empty room. Aramis could distantly hear the door opening and closing as Porthos left the building.

Aramis breathed deeply and walked mechanically into the living room where he sat down on the sofa. He covered his mouth with his hand as Porthos’ words played in his mind, his memory twisting the tone of Porthos’ voice to more malicious than it had been. He suddenly realised that Porthos had been right but with the twisted memory, he also feared Porthos would just straight up leave him.

Suddenly Aramis felt like he couldn’t stay still any longer. He stood up and walked to the upstairs bathroom to brush his teeth so he could have something to do. He kept wandering around the house while he brushed his teeth as sitting still felt too much for him.

When he was done with brushing his teeth, Aramis saw something shining on the table beside the sink. After looking at it for a moment, he realised it was Porthos’ wedding ring, as Aramis’ was most definitely in his finger. Aramis couldn’t comprehend what it was doing next to the sink. Maybe Porthos had taken it off and forgotten it there? That would be a completely natural mistake, Aramis would understand it.

 _He is going to leave you; he doesn’t love you any longer_ , said a malicious voice in Aramis’ head. _Can’t you remember what he said? You’ll end up all alone because you’re no longer important to anyone!_

Aramis inhaled sharply and left the bathroom. He was sure there was a good explanation for the ring being in the bathroom. Maybe it had been dirty and Porthos had taken it off to clean it or perhaps Porthos had needed to take it off for something work-related. Logically, Aramis knew Porthos wouldn’t leave him but the seed of doubt had already begun to sprout.

Aramis walked into the bedroom, hugging himself and noticed one of Porthos’ shirts on the bed. He sat down on the floor and took the shirt in his hands, smelling Porthos’ scent from it. Oh, how he loved the scent and Porthos who always smelled like that. He would really miss the smell and the warmth he felt every time he smelled it…

Aramis’ breath hitched at the thought and tears sprung to his eyes. He put the shirt on the bed and buried his face on it as the tears spilled out of his eyes. He could pretend to be strong but the thought of Porthos leaving still hurt.

He chuckled hollowly as he thought that at least he didn’t have to pretend to be strong at that moment as Porthos wasn’t even home. He could be a crying mess for a little and compose himself before Porthos came back with Louise.

Suddenly Aramis could hear the doorbell ringing. If it was Porthos who’d forgotten the keys, he would have to wait a little longer; Aramis would not open the door teary-eyed. It couldn’t be Lucia with Constance and d’Artagnan either as they’d come later in the afternoon. If it was anyone else… Well, Aramis didn’t honestly care. Porthos could let them in if they had the patience to wait.

The ringing continued persistently as Aramis tried to calm himself but soon found he just couldn’t. The fear of Porthos leaving combined with his outburst was simply too much for Aramis; he needed to let out at least some of the hurt then and there, otherwise it would just build up.

At some point, strong arms were wrapped around Aramis and Aramis could hear Porthos whispering softly to him. As Porthos was rocking him back and forth, he noticed that the doorbell wasn’t ringing any longer and that Athos was speaking too.

“Gave me a heart attack, this idiot”, Porthos mumbled as he kissed Aramis’ cheek. Aramis whimpered and clutched Porthos’ shirt.

“Shh, darling”, Porthos whispered. “It’s alright, I’m here for you.”

“Sorry”, Aramis whispered. “I started overthinking…”

“It’s fine”, Porthos said and rubbed comforting circles on Aramis’ back. When Aramis finally calmed down, Porthos cupped his cheeks so that Aramis would look him in the eye. “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that”, Porthos said. “I had no right to say things like that to you. The whole deal with my mother seems to have affected me more than I thought it would and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright”, Aramis said and hugged Porthos again. “It wasn’t what made me a crying mess… I saw your wedding ring in the bathroom and for a moment I was worried you would leave… My brain just kept telling me I was unworthy of your love – which honestly is kind of true – and it made me panic a little…”

Aramis chuckled nervously as Porthos sighed and tightened the embrace. After a moment, Aramis whispered, “I logically knew there was a good explanation for the ring being there but my brain just wouldn’t stop telling me how wrong I was…”

“It got dirty when I was arresting a murder suspect”, Porthos explained. “I took it off to clean it and apparently forgot it there…”

“I knew there was a logical explanation”, Aramis whispered in relief, more to himself than to Porthos. “Was somebody at the door?”

“It was Athos”, Porthos said. “He was trying to return a book he borrowed from me and was getting frustrated that he couldn’t get in.”

“Sorry”, Aramis mumbled, laughing a little. “I didn’t think I should open the door while being a crying mess…”

“It’s fine”, Porthos said. “I’m sorry for saying those things. Please remember that you’re important. I won’t leave you alone just because you can’t see how important you are…”

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered and kissed Porthos on the lips. Porthos smiled softly and placed his hand on the back of Aramis’ head and into his messy curls as he returned the kiss.

“Athos made some tea”, Porthos said as he pulled away. “Should we go have some?”

“Yes”, Aramis said and grinned.

Everything was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	36. The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I've written a new chapter to which the prompt was given by the amazing Lady_Neve! I took a lot of artistic liberties while writing it so I hope it's something you like :D
> 
> Please enjoy!

It had been a peaceful November evening that Aramis and Porthos had gone to spend at d’Artagnan’s childhood home at the outskirts of Le Havre for the small engagement party of Constance and d’Artagnan. At some point, d’Artagnan’s mother had noticed they were steadily running out of pastries and Athos and Aramis had volunteered to drive to a nearby convenience store to get some more for the celebration. They’d noticed that the wind that had only been mild during the drive to Le Havre had gotten stronger when they drove to the convenience store. When they were driving back from the store it had begun to rain and thunder and Athos had cursed the weather as he was the one driving.

Then a thunder had struck right in front of the car they’d been driving. Athos instinctively turned the steering wheel and soon they were no longer on the road.

Then everything went black.

Aramis was the first one to wake up and notice that the car was on its side on a field. He looked at Athos and realised that his forehead was bleeding sluggishly. Aramis groaned and fished his brand-new mobile phone out of his pocket and opened the screen, only to realise that there was no signal at all.

“Oh, hells”, Aramis muttered as he unbuckled his seat belt and moved to unbuckle Athos’ as well. He then pushed his door open and pushed himself up and out of the car. He then sat at the edge of the door and slowly began pulling Athos up so they’d get out of the car. He managed to pull Athos out from the car and then slide down on the field with Athos. He knew they needed to find a shelter because the thunders were still too close to Aramis’ liking.

“Wake up, Athos”, Aramis mumbled as he hauled Athos up and looked around. There was an old shack not too far away from them. Aramis could probably drag Athos into it and then walk back to get the pastries they’d been driving for in the first place.

He barely managed to drag Athos into the shack and lay him down on the old and dry hay when thunder struck again, uncomfortably close. Aramis peered outside the shack and decided to leave the pastries; he wasn’t going to get struck by thunder for trying to get some food.

“This is really ironic, Athos”, Aramis said out loud, knowing Athos wouldn’t hear him. “When I wasn’t doing well, I used to go walking outside during thunderstorms, hoping that thunder would strike me and kill me and yet now I’m afraid to go get a few pastries from your car.”

Athos still would not move and Aramis sighed. He moved to look at Athos’ head more closely to make sure Athos wasn’t hurt too badly.

“Let’s take a look at that thick head of yours”, Aramis muttered. “You must have hit it pretty bad to not have woken yet… If you don’t wake up soon, I’ll have to drag you to the house through the rain.”

Athos let out a low groan, making Aramis smile a little. He placed his hand over Athos’ and sighed.

“Look, I know it hurts but I don’t have any equipment here to make it better”, Aramis said. “We’ll just have to wait here for some time for the storm to calm a little and then I’ll get you to the house.”

Athos groaned again as thunder struck somewhere. Aramis squeezed Athos’ hand and began waiting.

After five minutes or so, Aramis noticed the smell of smoke. He looked up at the ceiling and to his horror, noticed that it was on fire. Aramis yelped and dragged Athos up and out of the shack. The rain was, if not worse, at least as bad as it had been when Aramis had dragged Athos into the shack.

“Oh, curse it all!” Aramis yelled furiously as he dragged Athos to the direction where he could see d’Artagnan’s house. He could only hope that someone had noticed they’d been away for too long and began searching for them or at least trying to call them.

“Athos, I really need you to wake up”, Aramis muttered. “I won’t be able to carry you all the way to the house… My head hurts terribly and this rain is freezing me up…”

Of course, Athos stayed unconscious. Aramis sighed and continued half-carrying and half-dragging Athos to the house he could see in the distance. He needed to get them as near the house as possible so someone could notice them and help. There was no sense in calling for help yet so he just walked, putting one foot in front of the other. Aramis’ hair was soaking wet as were his clothes as well.

“Help!” Aramis shouted as he walked forward. He was so near the house; he could even make out the silhouettes inside. “Porthos! D’Artagnan! Help us!”

The back door of the house opened which made Aramis smile in relief. Someone had heard him.

“Help us!” Aramis shouted. When he tried to shout again, he broke into a coughing fit. When he finally stopped coughing, he realised the world was spinning.

“Help us”, Aramis whispered as strong arms were wrapped around him. “Help…”

Then everything was black once more.

* * *

Aramis woke to the sensation of someone wiping his face with a towel. He opened his eyes and saw Porthos looking at his face with worry etched on his features.

“You’re awake”, Porthos whispered. “Oh, I was so worried…”

“Athos?” Aramis asked, his voice surprisingly hoarse. “How is he?”

“He’s sleeping in d’Artagnan’s old room”, Porthos explained. “You both have concussions of varying severity. What on earth happened?”

“A thunder struck”, Aramis whispered. “Athos tried to dodge it… drove the car into the field and on its side…”

“Thank god you’re safe now”, Porthos said. Aramis then realised he was lying on the sofa in the living room and there were other people in there too. Constance was sitting in one of the armchairs, looking at Aramis worriedly.

“How are you feeling?” Constance asked quietly.

“Cold”, Aramis said and smiled apologetically. “Sorry… I think we ruined the engagement party…”

“Oh, it was the storm, not you”, Constance said. “Do you want any tea? Madame d’Artagnan is making some right now. She’ll put honey in yours if you want any; the paramedics who came to make sure you and Athos were alright said that you might have some sort of throat inflammation.”

“Oh, I would love some”, Aramis whispered.

“I’ll go get you some”, Constance said with a soft smile and left the living room. Porthos helped Aramis up into a sitting position and then hugged him.

“The shack”, Aramis breathed suddenly. “The shack on the field… it’s on fire!”

“The fire’s been put out”, Alexandre d’Artagnan said. “We saw it when we found you and Athos. The shack is old anyway; we’ve been thinking of tearing it down.”

“Oh, that’s good”, Aramis sighed. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t get the pastries here.”

“It’s quite alright”, the old d’Artagnan said. “You were in an accident and your friend has a mighty bump on his head. The most important thing is that you two got back alive.”

“Oh, yes, this storm is quite terrible”, Madame d’Artagnan muttered as she walked in the living room carrying a cup of steaming tea for Aramis. “You were lucky to have been found when you were. You should go see a doctor tomorrow – they said that you might end up getting pneumonia if you’re not careful. Honey can help only so much.”

“I will”, Aramis said and accepted the cup of tea. “Thank you.”

“Well, you were going to stay overnight anyway so just make yourselves at home”, Alexandre d’Artagnan said. “You two and your friend will sleep in the bigger attic room There are mattresses on the floor for you to sleep on; I hope that’s alright.”

“That sounds good”, Porthos said. “I’ll go check on Athos. He should wake up sooner or later.”

“Sooner, I hope”, Aramis grumbled. “I’m not carrying him anywhere.”

Madame d’Artagnan chuckled at the remark as she sat down on one of the armchairs. She began drinking tea as well and sighed contently.

“I rather like stormy nights”, she said. “It’s nice to stay inside and look at the storm going by.”

“I don’t really fancy storms”, Aramis admitted. “They make my head hurt and… I have bad memories of thunderstorms.”

“That’s understandable”, Madame d’Artagnan said. “Charles hates thunderstorms as well. His tree house was burnt by a thunder and we never got around building a new one. He wasn’t very happy about it as a kid.”

“Poor little d’Artagnan”, Aramis laughed as Porthos walked back into the living room.

“Athos is waking up”, Porthos said. “I think we should go sleep soon; we’ll have to wake Athos up every few hours to make sure he’s alright.”

“Oh, yes; the aftermath of a concussion”, Aramis said. “Won’t you have to check up on me too?”

“Actually, yes”, Porthos said. “Which is why we’d better go to sleep early.”

Aramis nodded and slowly stood up. He was still rather cold but managed not to shudder when he put away the blanket that’d been on his shoulders.

Later when Aramis was lying on the mattress right next to Porthos, he remembered what he’d told Athos in the shack. He turned to look at Porthos who was on his side, facing Aramis and smiling softly. Porthos took Aramis’ left hand in his and hummed softly.

“Porthos”, Aramis whispered.

“Yes?” Porthos asked quietly.

“I used to go outside during thunderstorms”, Aramis whispered. “When I wasn’t feeling well. I hoped that lighting would strike me…”

“It never did”, Porthos told. “I’m glad it didn’t.”

“I guess so”, Aramis mumbled. Porthos chuckled and kissed Aramis’ nose while wrapping his arms around Aramis.

It was all well. The storm would slow down eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions and ideas for future chapters are always loved, appreciated and cherished!


	37. Relapse and Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter has happened! I spent way too long writing this and didn't really proofread because I need some sleep before tomorrow so apologies for any mistakes
> 
> Warning for suicide attempt and general gloominess, Aramis isn't doing well in here

Stopping Aramis from jumping from an eighth-floor apartment had been one thing, and Porthos had been happy to think that he’d never have to deal with another suicide attempt.

The problem was that he had been very wrong about it all. Almost fifteen years after Aramis had tried to jump from Porthos’ apartment to his death, he had been almost recovered from all those horrible things that had come to pass and made him so miserable. However, that autumn his depression returned with a vengeance and he would not tell anyone how bad he had felt.

Not until Porthos found him bleeding on the bathroom floor.

Aramis’ eyes were unfocused but Porthos could see that he was still alive. At first, Porthos couldn’t focus on anything else than the razor that was still loosely clutched in Aramis’ hand. Then, as if someone had kicked him, Porthos grabbed his phone and dialled the emergency service number. As he told that he needed an ambulance at their address, Porthos brushed Aramis’ hair away from his eyes. He could see a spark, just a tiny one, really, in Aramis’ eyes, which made Porthos’ heart jump into his throat.

“I love you”, Porthos whispered breathlessly as he stood up to go open the door for the paramedics. “Please fight for me just for a moment, love.”

Everything after that was a blur. Porthos could distantly remember the paramedics and how they kept Aramis awake. He could barely remember which hospital they said they were going to take Aramis to. He only regained his bearings when he realised that Athos was gently shaking his shoulders. He looked worried and when Porthos saw the blood on his pants, he understood why.

“What happened?” Athos asked, still gripping Porthos’ shoulders. “You called me and told me you needed me here. I took Raoul to kindergarten as soon as I could and then drove here. Where’s Aramis? Why is there blood on your pants?”

Suddenly Porthos needed to throw up. He dashed into the downstairs bathroom – why was he downstairs? – and proceeded to throw up what little had been in his stomach to begin with. When he was sure he had nothing else to throw up, he flushed the toiled and walked back to the hallway he’d been with Athos.

“He cut his wrists open”, Porthos whispered. Athos’ eyes widened in shock as he understood who the source of the blood had been. “He cut his wrists open and I called an ambulance and I think the bathroom floor is still all bloody.”

“Which hospital did they take Aramis to?” Athos asked quietly. He started leading Porthos back upstairs as Porthos tried to remember what the paramedics had said.

“I don’t know”, Porthos mumbled, “Cochin, maybe?”

“I see”, Athos said and then patted Porthos’ shoulder. “You’re going to change out of those pants and let me clean up the bathroom. Then you’ll have some breakfast and we’ll drive to the hospital.”

“But Aramis –” Porthos started but Athos shushed him.

“He’s most likely still unconscious and will be a wreck when he wakes up”, Athos said, looking grim. “He’ll need us to be there for him and that means you will have some breakfast before going there to see him. You have a day off today, don’t you?”

Porthos nodded. He had planned to make some breakfast for Aramis to wake him up with, in hopes of cheering him up at least a little. Aramis had been very visibly depressed and Porthos had just wanted to make him feel better. Porthos shuddered as he realised that his plan to surprise Aramis had most likely saved Aramis’ life. He had to sit down on his side of the double bed and bury his face in his hands. He was trembling, and he felt a lump in his throat.

Crying would do him no good, he decided. He needed to be there for Aramis because he wasn’t going to let Aramis slip away, not after he’d almost recovered. As he changed into his day clothes, he noticed a piece of paper on Aramis’ side of the bed – _a suicide note_ , he thought – and grabbed it. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it as he wasn’t going to read it until he saw Aramis again, but he felt like he needed to keep it at the time. He changed into a pair of jeans and stuffed the note inside the pocket.

Porthos walked downstairs and put some toast in the toaster. He knew he had to listen to Athos and eat the breakfast, but he still feared he wouldn’t be able to keep it down for very long. He still felt very shaky, very terrified. Slowly his stomach started to settle down, as the food finally made its way down. When Athos walked inside the kitchen, Porthos was feeling a bit stronger and steadier.

“I cleaned the bathroom”, Athos said and sat at the table, rubbing his face. “There’s no more blood in there. We should probably leave soon. Aramis might be waking at any time.”

“Yes”, Porthos mumbled. Before he followed Athos outside, he went upstairs to grab some clean clothes for Aramis, as well as his own keys and wallet. He needed something solid to hold on, some proof that Aramis would eventually come back home. As he sat down in Athos’ car, he squeezed Aramis’ clothes like a lifeline.

The drive to the hospital was quiet and rather depressing. Porthos felt a huge lump in his throat and he was fairly sure he couldn’t speak if Athos tried to speak to him. Instead, Athos was on the phone with Sylvie, explaining what had happened. Porthos was very, very grateful for not being expected to talk at all.

They soon reached the hospital and were directed to the room Aramis was in. When Porthos saw Aramis on the hospital bed, his first thought was how small and tired Aramis looked. He was still unconscious, but the heart monitor showed that his vitals were all normal. Porthos reached out to take Aramis’ hand in his own and stroke Aramis’ knuckles.

“It’s been fourteen years since he tried to jump from your balcony”, Athos mumbled as he sat down next to Aramis’ bed. He had carried two chairs near the bed, so that he and Porthos could both sit.

“How couldn’t I see he was doing this bad?” Porthos whispered, mostly to himself. He was holding Aramis’ hand and kissing his knuckles from time to time, mostly to remind himself that Aramis was still alive. He had seen Aramis unmoving like that many times but never had it been because of a suicide attempt. Porthos felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how close he’d gone to losing Aramis again.

Athos sighed and squeezed Porthos’ shoulder when he heard Porthos’ shuddering breath. They sat in silence for what felt like hours, not saying anything until Aramis’ hand suddenly moved. Porthos gasped when he felt the small movement in his own hand and looked down at Aramis’ face. Aramis’ eyes were opening slowly, and his gaze was unfocused.

“Thank god”, Porthos whispered and leaned down to kiss Aramis’ forehead. “Thank god I found you on time.”

“No”, Aramis breathed defeatedly and shook his head. His eyes looked so empty, so defeated that something in Porthos’ chest broke a little. He kissed Aramis’ knuckles again and stroked his cheek with his free hand.

“I’ll go get a doctor”, Athos said quietly and stood up. “You need me to get anything for you?”

“Athos?” Aramis whispered, his voice small and rough. Athos turned around and looked at Aramis questioningly. “I’m sorry”, Aramis whispered, “I’m sorry for doing this.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Aramis”, Athos said softly and held Aramis’ hand for a moment. “I’m sorry we let you get this bad without helping. I should have noticed the signs sooner.”

As Athos left the small room they were in, Aramis looked distraught. He tried to sit up on the bed but before he got very far, Porthos stopped him and started piling pillows for a makeshift backrest. He then helped Aramis to sit up and lean on the pillows.

“I don’t deserve you”, Aramis mumbled, “either of you. You always try to help me, and I just make you two miserable.”

“It’s not about deserving”, Porthos said, using the words Aramis had given him years ago, “it’s about who we love and want to keep close.” Porthos sat at the edge of Aramis’ bed and cupped Aramis’ cheek, looking deep into Aramis’ eyes. “I love you and I know it’s not even nearly enough on bad days. I just…I don’t want to lose you because you’re the one that makes me happy. I know you’re relapsing badly and I know you can make it through the worst of this. I’ve seen how happy you were when you were doing better, and I’ll do anything I can to see you smile like that again.”

Aramis averted his eyes, looking down at his lap. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked simply miserable. Porthos sighed and pulled Aramis closer, first to kiss his forehead and then to hold him in a secure embrace. Aramis leaned his head closer to Porthos in a weak attempt of returning the affection.

“I love you”, Porthos whispered as he heard footsteps approaching. He turned his head just in time to see Athos entering the room with a doctor. The doctor looked at Porthos with sympathy in her eyes as she entered.

“It’s good to see you awake, Aramis”, she said, “I would like to have a little chat with you regarding your treatment, if possible. Would you like your husband to stay here with you?”

“I…I think you and Athos should go get something to eat”, Aramis whispered as Porthos lowered him back on the pillows. “I’ll need a moment alone, I think.”

“We’ll get something for you too”, Porthos said and squeezed Aramis’ hand. When Aramis returned the squeeze, Porthos smiled at him encouragingly.

“How are you feeling, Porthos?” Athos asked as soon as the two had walked away from the room Aramis was in. “Is this affecting you? Do you think you can handle Aramis alone or do you need some help with him?”

“What do you mean by ‘handle Aramis’?” Porthos asked, frowning. He felt anger rising in his chest, not really knowing why. “He’s not some lifeless _thing_ to handle, Athos; he’s a human being, for god’s sake! He needs someone to remind him why we love him and using that kind of language won’t make him believe that we actually want him to stay alive.”

Athos looked taken aback by Porthos’ sudden outburst. In hindsight, it should have been expected; Porthos had been on edge all morning and Athos hadn’t spoken kindly of Aramis. Porthos was swaying a little as he looked at Athos rather defiantly.

“I’m sorry”, Athos said, blinking out of his stupor. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant to ask if you needed some rest alone. Seeing Aramis on that bathroom floor must have been a shock and you should take some time to process it.”

“Yeah, it was”, Porthos muttered and looked away from Athos. “I don’t want to leave Aramis’ side now, though. I’ll book an appointment with the workplace psychologist to talk about this. Aramis needs help the most now.”

“You’re right”, Athos said as the two entered the hospital cafeteria. They ordered some coffee and sandwiches to eat and sat at a corner table. For a moment, they wouldn’t say anything as they just enjoyed the odd quietness of the cafeteria.

“Should we tell Constance and d’Artagnan?” Athos asked suddenly, looking up at Porthos. “And Aramis’ father? I think he at least should know.”

“I’ll message Constance and you tell d’Artagnan”, Porthos said and fished his phone out of his pocket. “Let’s ask what Aramis thinks about telling his father. And you should tell Sylvie too.”

Athos had gotten married with Sylvie a few years after Aramis and Porthos had gotten married. Aramis had found a new therapist, doctor Lemay, and actually befriended Sylvie. Athos and Sylvie had a son, Raoul, and Sylvie was pregnant with their second child. Before the marriage, Athos had stopped drinking altogether as he had promised Sylvie, which had been followed by Athos getting very depressed. Had it not been for the quick intervention of Aramis and Sylvie, Athos’ mental state could have gotten bad enough to force him to quit working as a police officer.

“What about Anne?” Athos asked. “She and Lucia should be informed but I don’t know what to say.”

“Let me talk about that with Aramis”, Porthos sighed as he typed the message for Constance. “I think we should be careful with them; Lucia especially. She’s so young and I don’t want to traumatise her with this. God, I’m so glad Lucia is at Anne’s today.”

Athos nodded as he began typing the text meant for d’Artagnan. It felt somehow surreal to inform his friend of Aramis’ suicide attempt by a text. He could only imagine how d’Artagnan, one of the most empathetic people he knew, would react to hearing how Aramis had tried to kill himself all over again. D’Artagnan would most likely rush to the hospital to see how Aramis was doing just because he was so worried.

“Do you think Aramis will have to stay here overnight?” Porthos asked quietly without looking up from his phone. “His vitals are stable, but do you think they’ll want to keep him in the mental ward?”

“I’d imagine he has a say in that”, Athos said, trying to sound surer than he was. “He doesn’t like hospitals and I’d imagine he wants to be with you. He’s thick-headed like that.”

Porthos swallowed thickly and nodded. He got up and told Athos he would get something for Aramis to eat before going back to see how he was doing. Athos thought that his eyes looked very sad and that his whole look was somehow deflated. It was no wonder, he thought, as Porthos had been very worried about Aramis and having to live one of his worst nightmares had to have affected Porthos.

Athos could only hope Porthos wouldn’t succumb to his feelings like Athos and Aramis had.

When Athos and Porthos were returning to Aramis, they ran into the doctor who informed them that Aramis would be allowed to leave in a few hours’ time, after a meeting with doctor Lemay. The staff had wanted to keep Aramis in the hospital but after finding out how much being home with Porthos would improve Aramis’ mental state, they had decided to let Aramis go home. Lemay was already there, talking with Aramis and so Porthos and Athos had to wait outside the room for some time until they got to see Aramis. As they waited for Lemay to be done with Aramis, they saw d’Artagnan walking down the corridor, looking worried.

“How is he?” d’Artagnan asked as he reached Porthos and Athos. “Is he…did he make it?”

“He’s alive”, Athos said and hoped he sounded more calming than he felt. “He’s talking with Lemay now; he’ll get to go home after that.”

“He was recovering”, d’Artagnan muttered, sounding very young and upset. “He was recovering, and he had promised that he’d be the godfather of the baby… Why couldn’t I help him any better?”

“You tried your best”, Porthos said as he hugged d’Artagnan. Truth to be told, he needed the hug as much as d’Artagnan did. “What baby were you talking about, kiddo?”

“I…Constance is pregnant”, d’Artagnan whispered against Porthos’ shoulder. “Aramis found it out last week when I was getting the report of that autopsy and Constance called me to tell she’s pregnant. I made him the godfather on the spot.”

“That’s…that’s great”, Porthos said mechanically. “I hope the pregnancy goes well and the baby is born healthy.”

“Me too”, d’Artagnan whispered and sniffled. Porthos held him a little bit tighter, hoping to help the young man even a little. It was on moments like that when Porthos realised how young d’Artagnan still was.

Suddenly the door to Aramis’ room opened and a dark-haired man with an exhausted expression walked out of the door. Porthos immediately recognised him as Lemay and let go of d’Artagnan to talk to the therapist. When Lemay noticed Porthos, he gave Porthos a very tired smile.

“How is he?” Porthos asked quietly, leaving the _“How do I help him?”_ unsaid.

“He feels very guilty”, Lemay said and shook his head. “He’s angry at himself and needs reassurance that he still belongs to your group of friends and that there’s a chance you’ll forgive him someday. He needed a lot of validation that his feelings were real.”

“Can we go see him now?” d’Artagnan asked impatiently.

Lemay nodded and d’Artagnan was almost immediately through the door. Porthos followed him, needing to see how Aramis was doing. He was relieved to see Aramis sitting up and reaching for the clothes Porthos had brought for him.

“I bought you a croissant”, Porthos said, inwardly wincing at how lame he sounded like. Aramis looked at him with a soft expression in his eyes, almost like he was smiling at Porthos. Porthos held the croissant out to Aramis, hoping he didn’t seem too awkward.

“Thank you”, Aramis whispered as he took the croissant and started eating it. “Do you think we can go home now?” he asked in between the bites. “I’d like to rest a little at home.”

Porthos nodded, not finding the words to use. He sat on the edge of the bed and held Aramis’ hand. He had no idea what to say or to do, he only knew that he wanted to be near Aramis and make sure that he was there, living and breathing as he should.

“What is it, d’Artagnan?” Aramis asked suddenly. “You look very unhappy. What’s wrong?”

“Everything’s wrong”, d’Artagnan breathed, his eyes glistening. “I thought you were getting better and missed the obvious signs you were not, and I didn’t help you and look at where it got you! I feel like I never manage to help you when you need someone.”

“It’s not your fault, d’Artagnan”, Aramis said softly and held out his arms, inviting d’Artagnan to come over to be hugged. D’Artagnan hiccupped a little as he hugged Aramis who was looking simply apologetic.

Soon a nurse entered the room and d’Artagnan had to let go of Aramis to let the nurse do his job of turning off the heart monitor and detaching the sensors. He also checked Aramis’ bandages on his wrists and gave Aramis quick instructions on how to take care of the wounds and to heal them properly. When the nurse left, Porthos helped Aramis into the clean clothes Porthos had brought for him.

“Let’s go home”, Porthos whispered to Aramis when he was done changing. Aramis nodded and grabbed Porthos’ hand for support before leaving the hospital room for good. D’Artagnan followed them closely, wanting to be close to Aramis and see how he was.

The trip back home was quiet. Athos drove the car while Porthos and Aramis were sitting on the backseat. D’Artagnan had had to return to work but he’d promised to come over to see Aramis with Constance later in the evening. Aramis was holding Porthos’ hand during the whole drive and only reluctantly let go of it to get out of the car. Once inside the house, Aramis kicked off his shoes and walked into the living room to sit on the sofa there.

“How are you feeling?” Porthos asked quietly as he sat down next to Aramis. Without waiting for an answer, he started playing with Aramis’ hair, knowing that Aramis enjoyed it. “I was thinking of cooking something easy for us to eat later. Do you think I could do the cooking already or do you want to wait for now?”

“I’d like to stay with you for a moment”, Aramis whispered and leaned towards Porthos. “We can cook later.”

“You’ll be resting while I do the cooking”, Porthos said, “you’re still weak from this morning and I’m not making you exhaust yourself.”

Aramis nodded and reached for the remote control of the television, pressing it to turn the TV on. He then tapped the empty area on the sofa next to him, signalling to Athos that he should sit down next to Aramis. Athos did as he was asked and wrapped his arms around Aramis, needing the physical reassurance that Aramis really was there. Aramis wrapped his free arm around Athos’ back and sighed.

“I’m sorry”, Aramis breathed. “I’m sorry for not asking for help.”

“No, I’m sorry for not realising you needed the help”, Porthos whispered. He pulled Aramis – and by extension, Athos – a little bit closer to himself. The three men stayed like that for what felt like hours, not moving at all. They needed the comfort, the closeness, more than they dared to say. They drew strength from each other and the fact that they all were still alive to hold each other desperately like that.

Aramis had almost fallen asleep when Athos stood up, saying he would cook something for them. Madeleine had finally made herself known by hopping on Athos’ lap and Athos moved the cat on Aramis’ lap. Aramis’ eyes softened when the cat purred and pushed her head against his chest. He scratched Madeleine’s head and let her flop down on his lap.

Athos was in the middle of cooking some scrambled eggs and frying bread when the doorbell rang. As he opened the door, he saw d’Artagnan and Constance as well as Sylvie and Raoul who were smiling at him. He let them in, giving Sylvie a quick kiss on her cheek as she passed him.

“How is he?” Sylvie asked quietly and helped Raoul to take off his shoes. “Do you think he can handle Raoul?”

“He’s miserable and tired but you know how he loves children”, Athos said and shook his head. “Maybe Raoul will cheer him up a little. I sure hope he does, anyway.”

Constance, d’Artagnan, and Raoul had already gone to the living room where they were chatting with Aramis and Porthos. Athos smiled at the sight as Sylvie joined the people in the living room. Athos returned to the kitchen to finish the light meal for everyone. When he was done, he asked d’Artagnan to come over to help him in the kitchen for a bit.

“How are you feeling?” Athos asked quietly.

“I’m upset about his suicide attempt but I’m glad he didn’t succeed”, d’Artagnan murmured. He was absentmindedly piling plates on the tray they were going to use to transport the food and dishes to the living room. “I’m angry at myself for missing the signs and for not even thinking of helping Aramis.”

“It’s not your fault”, Athos offered softly. D’Artagnan nodded and smiled at Athos before the two walked back into the living room varying all the food.

The rest of the evening went by quickly and soon Porthos and Aramis were alone in the house. They were still cuddling on the sofa and Madeleine was on top of Aramis, purring happily. Porthos was running his hand through Aramis’ hair while Aramis just lay on top of him.

“Should we go sleep soon?” Porthos asked softly and kissed Aramis’ forehead. “I’m tired and missing our bed.”

“Yes, let’s go to sleep”, Aramis mumbled and got up from the sofa. “I’ll just get my medication and brush my teeth.”

Aramis and Porthos were soon ready for bed and simply lay there on the huge double bed, Porthos holding Aramis to his chest. Aramis was stroking Porthos’ chest lazily and listening to Porthos humming some song he’d heard on radio. Aramis felt so blissfully calm and almost happy that he wanted to stay with Porthos like that forever.

“What’re you thinking?” Porthos asked quietly. Aramis looked up at him and saw an encouraging smile.

“I was wondering”, Aramis mumbled, “that what I did was probably a side-effect of my new medication. If that’s the case, how can I be sure that what I feel is real right now? How can I know what I feel is true?”

“Oh, darling”, Porthos breathed and tightened his embrace on Aramis. “Of course what you feel is real. The medication is helping you feel, not changing your feelings. If what you feel matters to you, it’s real.”

“I wish it wouldn’t feel this horrible then”, Aramis whispered and hiccupped. Porthos looked down at Aramis’ face and saw the tears he’d been waiting for all day. He pulled Aramis a little bit higher on the bed so that Aramis was now leaning on Porthos’ shoulder.

“That’s why I’m here”, Porthos whispered into Aramis’ hair just as Aramis sniffled. “I’ll remind you of all the good things we’ve had together, and I’ll help you be happy again.”

Aramis sniffled and nodded. He buried his face on Porthos’ shoulder and rolled on his stomach. Porthos held him closer through the sobs that made Aramis tremble. He told Aramis sweet nothings and prayed to whatever higher force there was for Aramis to get better.

It was all he could do on that cold autumn night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, ideas and thoughts are most welcome! Don't worry about Louise - she's staying at Aramis' father's home.


End file.
